DEAR ABBY: I live with two of my best friends. We get along great because we respect each other's personal space and business. My problem is my roommate "Michelle" drinks alone in our apartment. She consumes eight to 12 alcoholic beverages in an evening. She does this once a week, usually during the week. The next morning she'll complain that she's "sick" when she has to get up for work, but I know she's hung over.

Our other roommate spends little time at our place and doesn't want to speak to her about this, even though he agrees she has a problem.

How should I approach Michelle about this? I'm afraid if I say anything she'll think I'm accusing her of being an alcoholic. I want to maintain peace in our home, but I'm worried about her. Any suggestions for how I should handle this? -- FEARFUL IN FAIRBORN, OHIO

DEAR FEARFUL: You are right to be concerned about Michelle. If she isn't an alcoholic, she is well on her way to becoming one. From your description, she is bingeing on a regular basis.

The way to approach her is to tell her you're worried. Eight to 12 drinks in an evening is a huge amount of alcohol. And if she's going to work hung over, it is already having a negative impact on her job.

Offer to attend an AA meeting with Michelle. (They are listed in most telephone directories.) When you get there you'll find pamphlets are available that contain a self-test people can take to determine whether they need help. I know for sure she will have to answer yes to at least one of the questions -- "Do you wish people would stop nagging you about your drinking?" -- because by the time you get there, you will have nagged her.

DEAR ABBY: I have just become engaged to "Egon," who is from Norway. He has a great job and is studying to be a masseur. He tells me often that he loves me and would never fall for another woman.

My problem is my sister "Ellen." She's happy about our engagement, but she keeps asking my fiance for lower back and thigh rubs. She claims she gets cramps from being on her feet all day.

Well, I'm on my feet all day and my thighs have never cramped up. What bothers me is Ellen makes embarrassing sounds of pleasure when Egon massages her. I'm upset with her because she constantly asks my fiance for massages, but I also get annoyed with Egon because -- in a weird way -- it feels like he's cheating on me.

He says it's his job and I'm being silly. What I want to tell my sister is, "Sorry, but those intimate rubdowns belong to me now. Find someone else for yours!" Abby, am I being unduly jealous or is what she's doing wrong? -- RUBBED THE WRONG WAY IN FLORIDA

DEAR RUBBED THE WRONG WAY: If you are going to marry someone who makes his living as a masseur, you need to understand clearly, in advance, that he will be working on all kinds of clients. This means men and women, some old and saggy, and others who are young, buffed and may be drop-dead gorgeous. Your fiance may enjoy his work, but it is work and he will receive compensation for his efforts. If the back and thigh rubs Ellen is requesting have become so frequent that it's making you uncomfortable, I suggest you and Egon agree that he shouldn't be giving away what he's selling, and instead he should offer your sister a "family" discount.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old goddaughter, "Tammy," is one of the most important people in my life. So are her parents, "Sophie" and "Zack." I was friendly with them separately before they got together. As a couple, they selected me to be godmother. They have since split up.

Zack is understanding about my staying neutral and continuing to be friendly with him and his ex. But Sophie gets mad and won't talk to me for weeks if she hears I went to see Tammy on a weekend she's with her daddy.

Even though I am closer to Sophie, Zack is a great father and a good friend. I don't think it's fair that Sophie expects me to take her side. I feel their issues are theirs alone, and my main focus is that my goddaughter have my support regardless of which parent she happens to be with.

Am I doing something wrong? If not, how do I handle Sophie? -- HONORED IN OMAHA

DEAR HONORED: You are doing nothing wrong. However, viewed from Sophie's perspective, it may appear that you have "chosen" her ex over her. A way to handle this would be to tell Sophie that you are not visiting Tammy when she's with Zack because you prefer his company over Sophie's. It's that you want your goddaughter to have continuity, and if Sophie is upset with Zack, she shouldn't displace her anger onto you because it's not fair to you or her daughter. And further, if this continues, Sophie will drive a caring friend (you) away.

DEAR ABBY: In this age of electronic devices, how appropriate is it to take photos at the table in a restaurant? I suppose it depends on the establishment -- probably not a problem in a casual buffet environment.

My boyfriend and I like to go to fancy restaurants (on our own and with friends), and we enjoy taking pictures of each other, our friends and the food. How do we handle this? Do other patrons care how many times we "flash" our cameras? -- SNAP-HAPPY IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR SNAP-HAPPY: When making reservations at an expensive restaurant, ask whether it would be disruptive to take pictures. While some diners might not object, I can think of several reasons why some would find it intrusive. Because some "foodies" enjoy snapping photos of their table and the various dishes as they're presented, it may be possible to be seated in a location where the flash will not be a nuisance. However, the restaurant staff should be warned in advance.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer at a hospital and help with mail sorting for the patients. I know it is important for patients to receive their mail -- even if they are no longer being treated at the hospital.

Abby, please advise your readers that when they send Get Well cards, to always use the person's own name -- like, "Betty Jones" instead of "Mrs. John Jones." Also, when sending a card or note to someone in the hospital, to always put the patient's home address as the return address on the envelope -- not their own. If your readers do this, the person is sure to receive it, even after he or she has been discharged from the hospital. -- JUDY IN LORAIN, OHIO

DEAR JUDY: Thank you for two perfectly logical suggestions -- which I'm sure the majority of people don't always consider when they're sending their good wishes. Readers, take heed.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: After many months of dating a wonderful woman, "Amy," we have set a date for our wedding. However, there's a problem. As the date draws closer, Amy is concerned about my lack of physical intimacy with her.

While I am very attracted to her, I am having some doubts. I recently noticed a young man at my health club and experienced some unfamiliar feelings. I don't think I am gay, but I am no longer sure that Amy is what I have been looking for.

Should I push these feelings aside and continue our plans for the wedding? Or should I tell Amy the truth about these feelings? -- SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SEARCHING: You should absolutely tell your fiancee the truth about the feelings you're having -- all of them. To marry a woman knowing you might be more attracted to a young man at your health club would bring everyone involved great pain. It is very important that you find out who you are and what you're looking for before coupling up with anyone. While Amy may not be thrilled to hear what you have to say, you owe it to her and to yourself to be frank before this goes any further.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I dated for eight years before we were married two years ago. He has a son from a previous relationship, and we have a 9-month-old son together.

My problem is my mother-in-law. More often than not, she calls me by my stepson's mother's name. Abby, that woman and my husband haven't been together for more than 12 years!

My husband thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He says I should forget about it, but it bothers me. My relationship with his mother has suffered because of it. She lives near us and helps out with watching our baby, so I see her quite often. What are your thoughts on this? -- ALSO KNOWN AS ...

DEAR A.K.A.: If your mother-in-law's slip of the tongue happened occasionally, I would agree with your husband that it's no big deal. Because it happens often, it appears the woman is doing it deliberately. Have you confronted her about it and told her how hurtful it is? If you haven't, you should. And if it doesn't stop, then you're within your rights to limit your time with her and/or arrange for other supervision for your baby. It would be confusing for him to grow up around a grandmother who calls his mother by a stranger's name.

DEAR ABBY: When I am out with my friends, they can't keep their hands and eyes off their cell phones. They sit there and text whatever guy they're involved with, and I feel like they would rather be with anyone else but me.

I have talked to them about it, but they say I "don't understand" because I have never been in a relationship. Abby, I'm not jealous because they have guys to talk to. I am hurt that my friends think cyber communication is more important than spending time with friends. What do you think? -- TEXTED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR TEXTED OUT: I'm glad you asked. It is rude for people to behave the way you have described. Good manners dictate that people give their undivided attention to those they are with. To do otherwise sends the signal that their present company is less important.