DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jason," is a 17-year-old high school senior honor student. My wife and I have managed to establish a fairly open relationship with our children; we encourage honesty and have attempted to establish mutual respect.

Recently, Jason asked if he could have seven or eight friends over to drink. My wife, reasoning that if teenagers are going to indulge in alcohol, it's better for them to do it in a safe, controlled environment, said yes. I, on the other hand, said no, based on the fact that the parents of the other teens would not approve. Jason admitted that was, in fact, the case.

While I agree with my wife's reasoning, I refuse to allow my house to become the place where teens can gather to drink without their parents' knowledge. Jason is now upset with me, and I'm afraid he may no longer be willing to confide in me. In my heart, I know I made the right decision, but my relationship with my son means the world to me. What do you think? -- TORN IN HOUSTON

DEAR TORN: I agree. You did the right thing. You acted like a responsible parent. Not only would it have been illegal, but also, if any of your son's friends were to be injured after leaving the party drunk, the liability could have been yours.

That you asserted yourself will not ruin your relationship with your son forever. In time he will realize that your decision was the right one, and he will respect you for it. I know I do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman who is trying to figure out my relationship with my sister. "Jasmine" is five years older and has always been outspoken, bossy and insensitive. My role has always been to be the quiet, meek one.

As children, Jasmine was jealous of me. She dominated me and was sometimes physically abusive. As an adult, I have struggled to assert myself. Every time I think I'm making headway, Jasmine will do or say something to take me down a few notches, leaving me devastated yet again.

I am tired. I have reached the point of giving up on having any kind of meaningful relationship with my sister. I don't know what else to do. We do not live close to each other and communicate mostly via e-mail. I have not confronted her personally because when we're together it's usually a family function, and I don't want to drag the whole family into it or upset our mother. Any suggestions? -- JASMINE'S WHIPPING GIRL

DEAR WHIPPING GIRL: Thank your lucky stars that you are exposed to your sister only infrequently. Until you can bring yourself to respond firmly when your sister steps over the line, it appears you'll have to continue tolerating the pain.

My advice would be to speak your mind to Jasmine once and for all and let the chips fall where they may if she puts you down at a family gathering. It would hardly be considered "attacking her" if you said plainly that her comments are hurtful and offensive. It's the truth. And if she's doing this via the Internet, warn her once, and if she persists, then block her e-mails.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently died of lung cancer. While the family would like her ashes buried at the family plot, it was my wife's wish for her remains to be scattered in a favorite location far away. Family members are trying to discourage me by raising all sorts of issues.

Abby, is there any TSA or airline rule/law that would prevent me from carrying my wife's ashes on a flight to another state? -- MISSING MY LADY OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I spoke with Transportation Security Administration spokesman Greg Soule. One challenge with transporting crematory remains may involve the security screening process.

TSA personnel will never ask you to open an urn. However, if the urn is made of metal that cannot be penetrated by X-ray, it would have to be packed in your checked baggage or shipped. Some funeral homes will transfer ashes to a temporary plastic container in situations like this. Urns made of ceramic or wood typically do not present a challenge.

Mr. Soule said he is not aware of any airline that prohibits passengers from traveling with crematory remains, but it's a good idea to check with the airline in advance. You should also visit www.tsa.gov, click on "For Travelers" and read the section on "Traveling With Special Items."

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself an intelligent, accomplished young woman. I get good grades. I aced my SATs and am an accomplished musician. My problem is I'm afraid I project an image that is too "girly" or immature.

I have a naturally high voice and people seem surprised when they learn how well I do in school and in extracurricular activities. Sometimes I'm tempted to prove them wrong, but I'm also worried about the impression I give professors, employers and those who matter. How do I present myself more professionally so that people will take me seriously without sacrificing my femininity? -- STUDENT IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR STUDENT: Whether it's fair or not, many people do form preconceptions because of the way someone presents her- or himself. Two suggestions come immediately to mind. Ask an adult to go through your closet with you and help you coordinate outfits that are conservative and more mature than "school outfits." If you have the money, start investing in some clothes that are suited to a business environment. And last -- but not least -- talk to a voice coach or speech therapist about lowering the register of your voice, which will make you appear to be older and more assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a well-educated, 27-year-old daughter who has a master's degree. Yet she never remembers birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, etc. with a gift. While I have never expected anything lavish, it's hurtful to receive nothing but a card.

My daughter wasn't raised this way. She was fortunate to have two professional parents who provided a very good life for her. What should I do, Abby? Should I just send a card for her birthday and Christmas, or write and let her know how hurtful I find her negligence? -- NOT GIFTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT GIFTED: Your daughter may hold a master's degree, but she's not a mind-reader. I can't think of a better way to communicate your feelings in a clear, coherent way than to put them in writing. Go ahead and write her a letter. But before mailing it, wait three or four days so you can reread and edit it if necessary.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother does other things while she's driving, and it's a big problem for me. I only just got legal to be in the front seat (I'm 13). I don't want to be in the car with her.

She does things like put on lip liner and lip gloss and texts while she drives. She also takes both hands off the wheel and drives with her knees. When I ask her to stop, she tells me not to be a backseat driver. I have even told my grandparents what she's doing. What else can I do? -- GETTING GRAY HAIR AT 13

DEAR GETTING GRAY: If ever I heard of someone who needs a backseat driver, it is your mother. It's bad enough that someone alone in a car would do the dangerous things she is doing, but for a parent to do it with a child in the car is beyond the pale. It's child endangerment. Clip this column, circle your letter and show it to your mother!

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest daughter, "Camille," has been married for a year. During this time my husband and I have watched Camille berate her husband, "Mike," in front of us and others. When I ask her why she does it, her answer is invariably, "He does these annoying things to tick me off." I can't stand how humiliating it must be for Mike.

Camille's husband is quiet and passive. Watching my daughter turn him into a wimp is heartbreaking. My biggest concern is that they are expecting their first child and, when it comes to mood swings, Camille is in rare form. I can't help but wonder how all this will play out. Will this drive Mike off, leaving Camille a single mother?

I have tried talking to my daughter about how wives and husbands should respect one another, but she refuses to listen. Can you advise me in this sad situation before it is too late? -- WORRIED GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR GRANDMA-TO-BE: Yes, take a look at how Mike's mother treats his father. It's possible that Mike is passive and accepting of your daughter's abuse because that's what he was brought up to think is normal. However, if that's not the case, warn your daughter again -- and again -- that if she continues her verbal abuse and he rediscovers his self-respect, she may eventually find herself raising their child alone. People who don't value what they've got often wind up losing it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in a new relationship. One thing I have noticed that seems to drive guys away is her use of the cell phone.

Before texting became popular, she would feel the need to call a guy during the day to wish him a good day at work. Then she'd try to call him at night to "see how the day went." Now, with texting, she'll text him "good morning," do it again sometime during the day if he doesn't answer back, then text again in the evening.

I have told her many times that guys get annoyed by this after a few days, but she doesn't understand. She says it's a gesture of caring. My daughter is 27, so I can't take the phone away. How can I tell her to back off? -- TRYING TO HELP IN RAYTOWN, MO.

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: The next time your daughter tells you that what she's doing is a "gesture of caring," tell her it is also a gesture of stalking. Remind her that most men like to at least think they are doing some of the chasing, and then tick off for her the names of the many (I'm sure) men she has chased off by doing what she's doing. If that doesn't help her to see the light, then accept it -- she's going to be single for a long, long time.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)