DEAR ABBY: My hardworking husband of four years, "Brian," loves to eat out three or four nights a week. It's nice not to have to cook, and I have become spoiled. He loves treating. We take along friends, family members or business associates.

The problem is, Brian wants to sit for two or three hours, have drinks and talk before he eats. He insists that I wait until he is ready to eat. Sometimes it becomes as late as 10 p.m.

I have a sensitive stomach and I need to eat early. I have eaten dinner early my entire life. If I eat late, my stomach goes into knots, and by the time we get home it's time for bed because I'm sleepy. Brian can sleep on a full stomach with no problem. I get acid reflux.

Brian expects our guests to adhere to his routine. Even when we have cookouts, everyone must wait for the entree. He says, "Well, they'll just have to wait. I don't want anyone to eat and run."

I put out appetizers, but it's not enough to hold them. If we don't wait, he gets angry and threatens not to have another cookout. I have explained that not everyone can eat so late.

Abby, what's your perspective on this? Who's right here? -- HUNGRY IN ARIZONA

DEAR HUNGRY: You are. It appears you married a hardworking, self-centered drinker with a need to control everyone around him. A generous host takes the needs and wishes of his guests into consideration. A selfish one behaves like your husband does. Frankly, I'm surprised that anyone who didn't have to would accept more than two dinner or cookout invitations.

You should eat something before going to dinner with him and do the same at home whenever you need to. If you don't, it could have a serious, negative impact on your health.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I made a horrible mistake. I broke the law and was convicted of three misdemeanors. I live in a small town, so the news became very public. I lost my job, many friends and my reputation.

I am still working to rebuild my life and find some sense of normalcy for myself and my family. I have been in therapy since the event and have learned a lot from this experience.

My problem is, my brother will not forgive me. He holds it over my head and refuses to support me in my efforts. He said I deserve whatever I get. I love my brother and am close to my other siblings. I don't want our relationship to be estranged, but I can't take his judgmental attitude anymore. What can I do? -- SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA SIB

DEAR SIB: Because you are in therapy, discuss this with your therapist. I assume that having been convicted, you have paid -- or are repaying -- your debt to society. You are working to rebuild your life; you are doing all you can right now to get back on track. You are close with your other siblings, so work with that. Do not measure your worth through your brother's eyes. He may not be capable of forgiveness. And if that's the case, it's a reflection of who he is -- not who you are.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old woman who is involved in a serious relationship with a wonderful man. We've been together for about three months and we're very much in love.

My problem: I think I'm obsessed with him. I am happy only when we spend time together. When we're not, I feel sad and alone. I spend my time following his activities on social networking sites and constantly checking my cell phone, hoping he sends me a message.

This is my first serious relationship. I know he loves me as much as I love him because he has mentioned marriage and having kids together someday. Is what I am experiencing normal? -- LOVESTRUCK IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOVESTRUCK: It's not unusual for a first relationship, but you're right to be concerned. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. We cannot depend on someone else to make us happy or make us whole. When a woman spends all her time tracking what her boyfriend is doing when he's not with her and waiting for the phone to ring, it makes her a less-interesting person to be around than she could be. And that kind of dependency can drive a man away.

It is important that you create a balance between what's going on in the relationship and continuing to develop yourself as an individual. Your boyfriend seems to have no problem doing this.

DEAR ABBY: I have a hard time empathizing with people who are sick. My mother suffered from all sorts of medical issues and it affected me greatly.

My husband, "Glen," and I are in our 50s. He's nearing 60, and as we age I expect our health will decline. Glen already takes medications for several conditions. I, on the other hand, have always enjoyed excellent health.

I find myself becoming impatient when Glen is sick. It's not that I think he's faking; I just think he needs to "get over it" and not let it affect him. I hide my feelings pretty well. I take care of him, make chicken soup, let him rest, pick up his medicine or whatever. But I'm afraid if he were to become seriously ill that I wouldn't take good care of him. I love him dearly, but I don't seem to be able to work up sympathy when he (or anyone) is sick.

I'm afraid to tell this to Glen because I'm afraid he'll keep his conditions from me and think I don't want to be there for him. How can I increase my "caring gene"? I have had therapy for other issues. What can I do? -- NURSING A FLAW IN TEXAS

DEAR NURSING: Lack of empathy is the inability to relate to the feelings of others. Some individuals have such an overabundance of empathy that they become literally paralyzed by the pain of another person. Be glad you aren't one of those.

When a spouse becomes sick and dependent, it can be a challenge. You can minimize or ignore it, or you can choose to be solicitous and helpful. Tolerating the complaints that go along with being ill isn't always easy, but if you visualize how you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed, it might help you be less impatient.

I'm sorry you weren't more forthcoming about the issues that sent you into therapy. If you really feel you might be emotionally absent when the chips are down, contact your therapist and start working on it now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl with a big problem. My class recently learned about reproduction. All of the girls accepted it in a mature manner, but it's another story with the boys.

Now all the boys look at me funny when I walk through the hall. It makes me feel awkward. Should I ignore them or should I say something? -- EMBARRASSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Right now, I suspect most of your classmates are feeling awkward. A frank discussion about reproduction has been known to make students older than you uncomfortable. It is, however, a part of life -- and contrary to what some may think, ignorance isn't bliss.

Acting the way the boys are is normal for their age. But if it continues, rather than saying anything to them -- which might encourage more of the same -- talk to a teacher about it.

DEAR ABBY: Shortly before I started college, a relative introduced me to "Paul," who would be attending the same school, and told us we were distant cousins. Paul and I became friends. We socialized together often and all our friends knew us as cousins.

It wasn't until after graduation that our parents told us that while we have a relative in common, it is by marriage, and we are not related to each other. Paul and I have a lot in common, and he has expressed an interest in pursuing a relationship with me.

Paul is a great guy, but I'm reluctant to date him because all our friends think we're related. It almost feels like we are doing something wrong. Can you please share your opinion on this situation? -- IT'S ALL RELATIVE

DEAR ALL RELATIVE: There is nothing to stop you and Paul from becoming romantically involved if you're both leaning in that direction. The way to deal with it would be to tell your friends, before you start being seen together, how "amusing" it is that you were led to believe the two of you were related, when it turns out that you aren't. It was all a big mistake. (Ha-ha.)

That should quell most of the gossip you're concerned about. And if you're asked directly, repeat what you told me.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a man, "Seth," for more than two years. We share mutual interests and he makes me laugh. For the most part we're happy, but I have one concern. I have yet to receive flowers from Seth, although he has mentioned many times that he had sent them to his ex while they were together.

Is it wrong for me to expect flowers, or should I just forget the idea and leave it alone? -- WAITING FOR ROSES IN HOUSTON

DEAR WAITING: Not knowing Seth, I can't say whether his unwillingness to send you flowers is because after what happened with his ex he considers them a bad investment or whether he's just cheap. But because the absence of flowers is bothering you, ask him about the omission.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)