DEAR ABBY: I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. I consider it a joy to bring family together to share traditions. However, two of the uncles insist on blaring sports games on our TV during these gatherings. Neither I nor my husband or parents are interested in sports. Usually there is money riding on these games, and there are loud discussions about bets and other things I would rather my kids not hear. We can't move the TV because it's too large, and forcing them to turn it off kills the holiday cheer.

How do I learn to live with the noise of a stadium gamecast over every holiday? My home is where the family gathers on most of them. -- NOT AN ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACK IN INDIANA

DEAR NOT: The sports events have become part of the tradition, and nothing you or I can say will change that. If you are concerned about your children overhearing something they shouldn't, have them play in another room and provide games to occupy them, or ask that they "help" you prepare the meal or set the table. That should keep them occupied and out of the way.

As to your learning to live with the noise of the telecast, it might help if you repeat the Serenity Prayer from AA:

God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference. -- REINHOLD NIEBUHR

DEAR ABBY: My wife "Julie" and I have been married a year. On our first date she asked me if I liked dogs. I told her no because I'm allergic to them. However, because we were compatible in so many other ways, I worked past this difference and tolerated "Fido." I walked him at times and began taking allergy medication when we started living together. I did it out of love and respect for my wife.

Julie returned the respect in kind. My late grandmother had given me a blanket decorated with characters from a favorite TV show when I was a child. Although it clashed with our furniture, Julie draped it over the couch in our den because she knew it was meaningful to me.

I was away on a business trip when Fido died. I sent flowers and called my wife, expressing my condolences. When I returned a few days later I noticed my blanket was missing. When I asked where it was, Julie tore into me saying I had never liked Fido and she had buried him with my blanket! I was furious and let her know with a few choice words.

It has been a week and the mood here is strained. I'm still angry about what she did. Do I have the right to be upset? -- STRESSED AND STEAMED

DEAR STEAMED: Anger is a part of grief, but what your wife did was wrong. She took something that didn't belong to her and that was precious to you and destroyed it. She did it because she wanted you to feel the same kind of loss that she was suffering. It was immature, unkind and hostile. You are certainly entitled to your feelings. She owes you a sincere apology.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 10-year-old daughter. We live in a complex that houses about 250 people.

I'm a naturally friendly person, but also very private. When the weather is warm, I love having my shades up and my windows open. My daughter enjoys the fresh air, so she's out in the yard often. Because of this, some of my neighbors -- possibly bored -- take it upon themselves to "pop in" for a visit when they see we're home. I don't invite them over, and I don't want company. This happens more than once a day with the same people.

I have tried making excuses ("I'm in the middle of something," "I'm cooking dinner," "I have company"), but it doesn't work. I have also said, "We're just getting ready to leave," but it soon becomes obvious that we weren't going anywhere. People have gotten mad and they now label me a "snob" -- among other things.

I don't want to spend my life in the house hiding with my daughter, but I also don't want to entertain people who come over uninvited. Abby, I am not a snob. I just love doing whatever I'm doing uninterrupted -- even if what I'm doing is nothing at all. Please help. -- NICE, PRIVATE LADY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NICE, PRIVATE LADY: I don't know what etiquette book your neighbors have read, but they have a lot of nerve dropping by unannounced and expecting you to drop whatever you are doing to entertain them.

It is not rude or snobbish to defend your privacy. You were too nice to them to begin with by making excuses. What you should have said was, "I'm not up for company right now. Please call to see if I'm free before dropping over next time."

DEAR ABBY: Three people have helped me make lemonade out of life's lemons -- a patient and talented therapist, a beloved pastor and you. After 50 years, here are my top 10 Dear Abby lessons:

1. No one can "make" you unhappy. You have choices.

2. The healthiest way to cure depression? Volunteer your hands and your heart.

3. The best advice for raising children? Remember that you raise them to let them go.

4. The best person with whom to discuss marital difficulties? Your spouse. Complaining to others may make you feel better for a day, but it will be at the expense of your marriage.

5. Don't "protect" those you love from the pain that will heal them.

6. Never criticize without working toward a solution, particularly when it comes to politics.

7. Never forget abuse nor tolerate it again, but do forgive the abuser.

8. What (and whom) you love is not shown through words but by where you devote your time, your energy and money.

9. You are what you eat, read and watch on TV.

10. Life is linear. Make every moment matter. -- A SURVIVOR IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SURVIVOR: I'm flattered that you have learned so many life lessons from reading the Dear Abby column. However, one of the items you listed in your letter did not come from me or my mother before me. It's No. 7. I have never written that a victim of abuse should feel obligated to forgive the abuser.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and my boyfriend just moved to Colorado. He won't be back home for three years, but I promised I'd wait for him. Now I feel like I'm being tied down. It's not that I don't want to be with him anymore, but I'm lonely with his being away. I don't want to break his heart, but I want some freedom. What should I do? -- MISSING HIM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISSING HIM: Send him a sweet note and tell him that you're lonely without him and didn't know what to do -- so you wrote to me. Tell him I said that while you may love each other, it would be better for both of you to socialize while he is away. This is an important growth period for you both -- and if your relationship is meant to be permanent, you can resume it where you left off when he returns.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few holidays we have had to accept the fact that my sister-in-law was bringing her husband and her boyfriend to family holiday dinners. Last year we protested, saying it was ridiculous and that we wouldn't come. (We don't want our kids thinking this is appropriate.) We relented when my mother-in-law said we were being unreasonable because the husband and boyfriend are OK with the situation.

We have ended up going in the past, but Thanksgiving is nearly here again and we're not "thankful" for this arrangement. How do you think we should handle this? -- RELATIVELY ODD IN JACKSONVILLE

DEAR RELATIVELY ODD: If your children are small, they will accept the "odd" man at the table as simply a good friend of their aunt and uncle, so I see no reason why you shouldn't join the family unless you personally dislike the man. However, if your children are old enough to understand that there is something romantic going on, make other plans for the holidays. To do otherwise would make it appear that you approve of what's going on, which you do not.

DEAR ABBY: My 40th wedding anniversary is right around the corner. Although it's a time for celebration, I know I'll end up feeling depressed and empty. The reason is our son "Trent," age 38, who lives 500 miles away.

Trent is great about recognizing holidays -- birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas -- with a card, gift or phone call. But for some reason, he chooses to ignore our anniversary every year. I always mention it on Facebook or on the phone, but he never acknowledges it.

My husband says I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. When Trent was a teenager, we went through some bad times and almost divorced. That was a long time ago, and things are different now. What am I missing here? -- SAD MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SAD MOM: What you are "missing" is that your son remembers you on birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas. Be grateful for what Trent does for you and stop trying to force him into remembering an occasion that, for whatever reason, may have unpleasant associations for him. Dwelling on what you're missing instead of what you've got is a prescription for misery.