DEAR ABBY: Just how honest should you be with a friend? My friend "Frannie" did not receive a promotion in her department, and I think I know why -- her appearance. The promotion would have required more interaction with clients.

Frannie is bright, hard-working, has Christian ethics, a beautiful, trim figure, a wide smile and dresses well. But -- she wears no makeup, doesn't pluck her huge unibrow and wears sandals that expose her very hairy toes and the hairy tops of her feet.

Many people have commented to me about her hairy feet and face, but I have not had the heart to tell her what they say. She has also been asking me why guys shy away from her.

Do I say nothing, or should I offer helpful advice? -- FRANNIE'S FRIEND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FRIEND: What you need to ask yourself before raising a sensitive subject like this is: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? From where I sit, telling Frannie what she needs to hear passes those tests. Because Frannie has been asking why men shy away from her, that's your opening to talk to her about her grooming. Many women have body-hair issues, but there are solutions for it. The poor woman needs the services of a cosmetologist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated more than a year ago, but we have remained friends for the sake of our children. During our marriage, my sister moved in with us. When I moved out, she stayed on to help my husband financially, and also to help with our children.

Yesterday, my husband confirmed that he's now sleeping with my sister. I must see them almost daily and I don't want to make a difficult situation worse. How can I get over the hurt and betrayal I feel toward them -- especially my sister? How can I forgive them? Will time really heal this wound? -- BETRAYED BY MY SISTER

DEAR BETRAYED: It may help in your healing if you accept that your marriage ended the day you walked out the door, leaving your sister in the role of wife -- contributing financially to the household, parenting the children, and I assume, emotionally supporting your husband. Not to have seen this coming was naive. The stronger you become, the easier it will be to forgive them and go on with your life, but getting there may require professional counseling. I'm recommending you start sooner rather than later.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I were recently discussing supermarket etiquette and hope you can provide some insight. When checking out at the grocery store and a customer is standing behind you ready to unload her basket, is it your responsibility to move the divider bar to the end of your order or should it be the person behind you? Which is more proper? -- CONSCIENTIOUS SHOPPER, ERIE, PA.

DEAR CONSCIENTIOUS: The person unloading the basket usually places the bar to ensure that her (or his) groceries are kept separate from the person in front. There are, however, no hard-and-fast rules about it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share some important information with "Don't Want to Lose Him in the U.S.A." (Nov. 10). She's the young lady who is being pressured by her boyfriend to take photos of her classmates in the girls' locker room.

The students at the high school where I teach recently attended a program on Internet and online safety. One of the things that really surprised them was learning cell phone calls don't just go from one phone to another. All text messages and calls are transmitted through cell phone towers, which route the calls or texts to the company's server. All sent messages and photos are stored on the provider's server. This means pictures deleted from the phone are never really deleted -- and text messages and photos never go away. They still exist in the virtual world.

Should those pictures become the center of a court case, the information is subject to "discovery." With the right equipment, law enforcement can retrieve deleted photos from anyone's cell phone.

"Don't Want to Lose Him" needs to clearly understand she might be prosecuted for producing, distributing and possessing child pornography. -- A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER IN CHURCHVILLE, VA.

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for delivering a valuable message that may provide a wake-up call for all my readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Refusing to take the photos, but keeping it quiet, is not enough. I think "Don't Want to Lose Him" should make copies of your column and paste them on every locker to warn all the girls they are at risk -- even when they think they have privacy. She should also tell the principal, who may be able to provide extra protection. -- SHEILA IN GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I think the issue of that young woman's low self-esteem should be addressed. Her boyfriend is holding her hostage to his wishes and desires, and will probably always do so if she continues to stay with him. It's important that "Don't Want to Lose Him" learns to love the principled, intelligent person she already is and continue to stand up for herself. Eventually, someone will appreciate her good qualities and she won't have to settle for less than she deserves. -- BEEN THERE IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: "Don't Want to Lose Him" should report this to a trusted adult or school counselor. At the very least, this girl needs to know she will be doing a great service if she lets the other girls know so they can be on the lookout for someone sneaking a camera or cell phone into their locker room. She could also use some support and affection that doesn't come from a manipulative, self-serving "boyfriend." -- LISA IN SAN RAFAEL, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mental health professional. What "Don't Want to Lose Him" is being pressed to do is called "sexting," and it is a criminal offense in almost every state in the U.S. The young lady and whoever receives and distributes those photos could be convicted of a felony, serve prison time and live the rest of their lives as registered sex offenders.

There have been cases of young people -- victims of sexting -- who have committed suicide over the humiliation of being exposed against their will. Once these photos go "viral," they are on the Internet forever. Parents, friends, teachers and schools need to make it a priority to talk to kids about the moral, legal and social ramifications of taking these kinds of photos of themselves and others. -- JACQUELINE IN GIBSONIA, PA.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a 15-year-old girl who was seriously physically abused in the past. She and her mom had to move away for a while, but have now been told by Department of Children and Family Services that it's safe for them to move back with her father, who abused her.

After seeing what goes on in this house and hearing her describe how they treat her, I think the physical abuse has changed to mental and emotional abuse. I'm not sure what to do because I'm 18 and it's "illegal" that we are dating. It scares me that they can use anything against me. -- WHAT TO DO?

DEAR WHAT TO DO?: You are not in a position to do anything yourself. If you try to get help for your girlfriend, her parents could create problems for you that would last a lifetime. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't encourage the girl to help herself by talking to a counselor, a trusted teacher or a clergyperson about the difficulties she's experiencing at home. If she does, they are mandated by law to report abuse. And this is a family that's already been in the system.

DEAR ABBY: I have been unable to ask "Mary" out -- or at least see if she's into me -- because we both work at the same place. I am not the type to be shy with my feelings, but with her it's different. When I see her, I forget everything else. It's as if my whole world stops when I see her smile. She's amazing!

I want to ask her out, but I'm unsure how to, considering that I am a woman. She does not know how I feel about her. What should I do? -- HAS IT BAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR HAS IT BAD: First, see if there are regulations in your employee handbook that discourage employees from dating. If there aren't, go slow and let Mary get to know you as a friend before trying to start a romantic relationship. And before declaring your feelings, be sure that a lesbian relationship is one that your co-worker would welcome.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years, "Sam," came home from basic training in the Army and told me he wanted to go active. (He was part of the National Guard.) He has asked me to go with him and I agreed, but in order to do that we have to be married.

I love Sam very much and we have talked about marriage before, but not elopement. He hasn't really "proposed" because he doesn't have a ring. We will be married, but without a real wedding -- yet.

I have no problem with this. It's a bit unconventional, but I love Sam and want to go with him. It will be an opportunity to travel, and I could finish my degree online.

The problem is, how would I define us as a couple? When we move onto the base, I'm worried people will see my ringless finger and ask questions. What should I tell them? And when we do have the actual wedding, what will that be called? -- DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED: Not all married women wear wedding rings, although most do. If you are afraid there will be questions if you're not wearing one, you and Sam might consider getting a used gold band to wear until he can buy you something else. If that doesn't appeal to you, then you'll just have to tell people that you are married and you have the license to prove it. (I doubt it will come to that.) And when you and Sam are finally able to have the wedding of your dreams, call it a renewal of your marriage vows because that will be accurate.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)