DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jarod," was in a relationship with "Gayle," who has a small son, "Danny." My husband and I took Danny into our hearts as our grandson. Danny formed a bond with Jarod's other two children and they consider him a brother. Although Jarod's relationship with Gayle didn't last, we continue to maintain close ties with Danny.

Jarod's new girlfriend, "Liz," also has a small son. Liz has asked me to end my relationship with Danny because she considers it a "threat" to her and her son.

I feel Liz is asking too much. How can I just stop loving Danny? Why is she asking me to do this? When I asked Liz if she were to break up with Jarod, would that mean I could never again speak to her son, she said, "Yes"!

I don't think relationships should be disposable, but I can see that refusing Liz's request will cause a rift. She refuses to visit our home as long as we continue to treat Danny as our grandson. I need your advice because my heart is breaking. -- EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMOTIONALLY INVESTED: What Liz is saying is not a "request," it's blackmail. It appears your son is involved with an insecure and manipulative woman who does not grasp that there is room in your heart for Jarod's children, Danny and her son, too.

I sincerely hope you won't give in, and that you will talk to your son and explain to him that you would like to accept Liz and her son, but if she persists in the stance she's taking, you will miss her. You have described someone who has a lot of growing up to do, and I hope your son recognizes it before he makes a mistake he may regret.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor's children were walking home from school last month when I saw that they had dropped some papers. When I returned them to the kids, I noticed they were behind on their school lunch bill. The oldest child mentioned, "I hope Mom can pay or we'll have to eat cheese sandwiches." I was beyond angry! Their father is doing his second tour in Afghanistan, and their mother is doing her best to make ends meet.

I took my fury to the school and discovered the kids didn't qualify for free lunches because their parents were just a couple of dollars over the limit. What a disgraceful way to treat the family of a soldier! I had money set aside for Christmas and decided to pay for those children's lunches for the rest of the year. It wasn't cheap -- $2 per lunch for three kids -- but it was worth it.

Abby, please let your readers know that if anyone can afford even a few dollars, to inquire at their local school if there is a soldier's child -- or any child -- who needs a free lunch. Our soldiers shouldn't have to worry about their kids going hungry in school.

P.S. My neighbors do not know about my donation. -- LENDING A HAND IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LENDING A HAND: You are an angel. One would think that children of active members of the military would get a better break, but if your letter is any indication, it appears that isn't the case.

Readers, if you have a few dollars to spare, consider contacting your local school(s) and asking if they have a program to accommodate children from families whose income may be "just over the line." Privacy rules may prevent the identities of the children from being disclosed, but the money could be put into a fund for this purpose.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I divorced two years ago, after 40 years of marriage. The divorce papers read "irreconcilable differences." I made up my mind that I wouldn't badmouth my ex-wife, would use her name when speaking of her, and would rebuild my personal and social life as quickly as possible.

Last year, I dated half a dozen widows. Without fail, during the course of the date, these lovely ladies would raise the subject of the death of their husbands. These women were beyond tears, but the pain in their eyes was evident. I heard stories about how they took care of a beloved husband while he was dying of cancer, or an unexplained sudden death and the anguish of trying to wake him from his eternal sleep.

Christmas has just passed and it has been a long time since I have felt so alone. I went to the clubhouse in our community for dinner, but all my friends were either away for the holidays or entertaining friends and family and I couldn't intrude.

While I listened to these widows, I have seen steely eyes soften and even heard them laugh. What an ego booster it has been for me. What I need now is some of my own medicine. I hope one day I'll find someone who doesn't need a handsome Jack, a good golfer or a sugar daddy. Until then, I'll just have to be a ... LONESOME GEORGE

DEAR LONESOME GEORGE: Because you're a good listener, please listen to me. It's time to become more involved in life. Enroll in adult education classes, learn to paint, take a writing class or an acting class or get some computer training.

Volunteer your services. There are plenty of underprivileged people, people with disabilities and teens who could use a friend. Get involved in your political party, your church or a professional organization.

Take dancing lessons. Join a gym or health club. Do some entertaining and ask your friends to bring a friend. And let your friends know you're available. You may not meet the perfect somebody right away, but you'll make new friends -- and one of them may have a friend who's perfect for you.

DEAR ABBY: My lifelong friend from childhood wonders why I am avoiding her. Now that I am in my 80s, the unfairness of a lie from our past is still plaguing me.

Seventy-five years ago, at a Sunday school picnic, I saw "Mary Ann's" mother take something from another woman's purse. As she looked around, she caught my eye and an ugly expression came over her face. Days later, Mary Ann told me people in our church were being told that I was a thief. Not having the maturity to handle the enormous falsehood, and knowing it wasn't true, I chose to ignore it. But it didn't go away. It followed me all my life.

Some years later, another friend advised me to talk to our minister, who told me to pray about it. My prayer was that he would stand up in the pulpit and declare my innocence, but it never came about and I eventually left the church.

I learned later that Mary Ann's mother had a habit of stealing from homes where she worked as a practical nurse. Losing my reputation because of this woman's weakness made the lie all the more painful, and I so want to be cleared at least in my friend's eyes. But do I want to hurt my friend in revealing her mother's responsibility in switching the blame for her theft? Please help. -- IN LINGERING PAIN, GRAHAM, WASH.

DEAR IN PAIN: Write Mary Ann a letter and tell her exactly what you have told me. I'm sure she knows her mother's character very well, and it will come as no shock to her. Then the two of you should decide together how her mother's slander of you should be handled. If she's your friend, she'll help you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful man. Our wedding day was going perfectly and I had all the family I loved around me -- including my divorced grandparents.

My grandfather has remarried, but still had a lot of unfinished legal business with Grandma that needed settling. Grandpa thought my wedding reception would be a good place to do it and served her with court papers there.

I was so upset that he would do this on my special day, I have stopped talking to him. He dropped by my mom's one day and I ignored him. He told me if I wanted to "divorce" him as my grandfather I could, but that he wasn't wrong and wouldn't apologize for it.

Please tell me what you think. Am I wrong for expecting him to apologize to me for what he did? -- NEW IOWA BRIDE

DEAR NEW BRIDE: Your grandfather owes all concerned that day an apology. His judgment was atrocious. But please don't hold your breath waiting for him to offer one. Your grandfather is self-centered, self-righteous, insensitive and stubborn, and it won't be forthcoming.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I go to a buffet for lunch or dinner, she takes too much food on purpose to take home with her. I say it's wrong because you pay for what you eat, not what you "carry out." She insists that paying means she can take whatever amount she wants.

The last time we went, she actually waited for more chicken to be brought out so she could put three pieces in a napkin before we left. Now she's mad at me because I told her it was wrong. I'll live by what you say, Abby. What is it? -- CRYING "FOWL" IN LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR CRYING "FOWL": Your wife isn't mad at you because you told her what she did was wrong. She's pouting because she doesn't want to admit that you were right -- that she was pulling a fast one and you didn't approve. If all the patrons behaved as she does, the restaurant would not be able to break even, let alone make a profit. Her behavior was not just tacky; it showed a distinct lack of character.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a person who makes fun of others about various "shortcomings" (e.g., being computer illiterate) while she knows little about these subjects herself? I am weary of listening to her whining voice belittling others. She's always talking about how "stupid" this person is, and how "dumb" that person is.

The individual I'm describing is my mother. Growing up, I didn't know differently. But as an adult and a mother myself, I cringe when she says these things. My 10-year-old daughter has asked me why Grandma makes fun of people. Is my mother a bully? -- NAILS ON A BLACKBOARD

DEAR NAILS: Yes, she is. She's also someone who is trying to make herself appear superior to those she disparages. Use her poor example to teach your daughter what an unattractive personality trait it is -- although from your letter, she appears to have already concluded that herself. You have a wise and discerning child who obviously does not take after her grandmother. And I'm sure that's because of your good influence. I salute you.