DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old mother. I am afraid to tell my mom that I have been speaking to my son's father, "Jeremy," who is also 17. She doesn't like him because when she found out I was pregnant, my best friend told her about the abuse I suffered from Jeremy.

Mom is scared he will abuse my son, and, being a teen, he will up and leave me when he finds the right person to be with. He has missed a year of the baby's life and so has his family.

Jeremy's parents want to meet their grandson. It's difficult to talk to Mom because of the way she feels about the family. She thinks they haven't tried to see my son, but in reality they're leaving it up to me to set up. How can I get my mom to be less angry about the situation? -- TEEN MOM IN GRAND RAPIDS

DEAR TEEN MOM: You may be only 17, but because you are now a mother you are going to have to grow up -- fast. Your mother has your best interests at heart, and also her grandchild's. You didn't say whether Jeremy was physically or emotionally abusive, but both are bad. And those are habits he may have learned from his parents. If he dropped out of your life for an entire year, the odds are high that he'll disappear again. So don't count on him for anything.

I am urging you to be completely honest with your mother. Sneaking around is childish. Tell her that the reason Jeremy's parents haven't seen the baby is they left it up to you to arrange, and you were afraid to tell her. It's honest and better than letting them take the rap for your unwillingness to speak up. It may make her less angry about the situation and more willing to compromise.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became engaged to a man I have been with for six years. We're planning a wedding this year.

I lost my dad six years ago. My stepmom has been in my life since I was 3. (I am now 33.) When I asked her if she would be willing to contribute to the wedding in place of Dad, she refused! According to her, Dad did not discuss this with her prior to his death.

What is proper protocol here? Was I out of line to ask if she'd be willing to contribute? I feel like the odd child out because my dad and stepmom contributed to my sister's wedding. Considering how long she has been in my life, this was a shock to me. What do you think, Abby? -- FEELING ABANDONED IN MONTANA

DEAR FEELING ABANDONED: Many people have the mistaken impression that a bride's parents are required to pay for or contribute to her wedding. It's not true. A wedding is a gift, and while it would have been nice of your stepmother to have agreed to give you money for yours, no rule of protocol dictates that she had to.

At 33, you and your fiance should be able to finance your own wedding -- and that's what you should do, without feeling abandoned. Many couples these days do exactly that.

DEAR ABBY: My former boss told me that my numerous suggestions, voluminous descriptions for systems improvements, suggestions for work outside the office, extra reports and documentation, large number of phone calls and multitudinous e-mails came across as intractable, intolerant and superfluous. Could he have been right? -- T.K. IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR T.K.: In a word: yes.

DEAR ABBY: A former student asked me to write a character reference to help her land a teaching job abroad. I agreed, since I thought highly of her potential as a teacher and scholar, and her level of character. However, after she was placed in the classroom, the ministry of education of the nation where she was to teach discovered some inappropriate posting on her social networking site.

Because I had written the recommendation, they contacted me asking if they had a problem and provided me with copies of what they had found. Her posting detailed a history of forging fake IDs to buy alcohol while underage, numerous episodes of binge drinking in high school and college, her marijuana use and several exhibitionistic stunts and sexual activities that I won't mention. I was shocked. None of this matched the person I thought I knew.

When I tried to contact her to let her know she had been discovered, she rebuffed my inquiries and cut off all contact! Her parents' response was denial and to "kill the messenger." I have been left with the problem of how to respond to the ministry's questions.

Ordinarily I would not want my signature associated with someone with those behaviors and attitudes, but this young woman is in legal jeopardy abroad. I still don't know if what she wrote is true, but I find it highly problematic that she would portray herself as she did.

This situation has so shaken my trust in the character and judgment of the 20-something crowd that I'm now reluctant to write recommendations for any of my students. What do you think I should have done? I'm concerned that too many of these young people, however intelligent, lack integrity, character, judgment and common sense. -- HEARTBROKEN TEACHER, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You responded appropriately by trying to contact your former student and her parents. If the information on that social networking site is an accurate reflection of her behavior, she could get herself in real trouble if the country she's in is one with conservative social views.

It is intelligent of you to think twice about giving references to students in the future. It's important that you be careful because there could be liability for you if you knew anything about her antics when you wrote her recommendation. If you are wondering how to respond to the ministry of education, what you need to convey is that you had no knowledge of any social networking sites or postings related to her, and that you were basing your recommendations on your personal interactions with her.

Let this be a lesson to all young people who are using social networking sites. Employers are doing background checks and you will be discovered. Any past communications you have on the Internet are there to stay.

This has been a hot topic in the media. But I'm interested to know what you, my readers, both young and old, think about this. You teach me more than I teach you, and this subject is one of great importance.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife went on a diet a year ago and lost a tremendous amount of weight. The problem now is she won't quit. Every time I suggest she stop and put a few pounds back on, she gets angry and won't speak to me.

My wife isn't anorexic, but I have a feeling she may be headed in that direction. She has no health concerns that either of us is aware of, and when I say anything she just says, "You wanted me thin, so now I'm thin!"

Please tell me what I should do before her dieting gets out of control and becomes a serious threat to her health. -- DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND OF A VERY THIN WIFE

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Your wife may have worked so hard to lose the weight you urged her to lose that she hasn't figured out how to stabilize and maintain it. Because you are worried that she may have gone off the deep end, the two of you should make an appointment with her doctor to discuss what a healthy weight is for her -- and possibly get a referral to a licensed nutritionist who can help her establish a healthy maintenance plan.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister, "Irma," has hurt us with her words and actions many times. When the drama is over, she will suddenly send an e-mail saying she "misses" my husband and me. I do not want to seem like an unforgiving person, but I'm tired of this repeated behavior. My husband and I feel we're better off not socializing with her and my brother-in-law, but if I respond to her e-mail, it just opens the door for yet another incident. How can we clear the air but not leave ourselves open for another attack? -- FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

DEAR FORGIVEN: Your feelings are understandable, but this is your sister-in-law -- so you can't dodge her forever. This doesn't mean you must see her often. When you do, take an emotional step backward and treat her with the same respect -- and degree of closeness -- that you would any other acquaintance. When she acts out, absent yourself.

The woman appears to have poor impulse control and a high degree of volatility. And that's a subject that your husband might approach (privately) with his brother-in-law and you should stay away from. Your brother-in-law might be more receptive to the message if he hears it from his wife's brother.

DEAR ABBY: I have been spending more time than usual in doctors' offices now that I care for my elderly father. Lately, a lot of these offices have added TVs to their waiting rooms.

The sets are invariably tuned to 24-hour news channels on which combative people yell at each other. I think this is a bad choice for sick people. Subjecting them to this kind of programming can only raise their blood pressure. If the televisions have to be there, they should show calmer programming, like shows about food and cooking, homes and gardens, science or history.

I have tried making this point to the various health care professionals, but they look at me like I'm from Mars. Am I overreacting? -- TIRED OF YELLING HEADS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED OF YELLING HEADS: Yes, you are. The next time you encounter this situation with your father, ask the receptionist to please change the channel and I'm sure you will be accommodated.