DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who is obsessed with remaining a virgin. I'm uncomfortable around guys my age for fear they will want sex.

I am tormented all day long by thoughts of losing my virginity. If I see a mildly racy scene in a movie or have a sexual thought and experience some sort of physiological reaction, I become extremely upset. I must repeatedly reassure myself that any arousal was not deliberate.

I'm sick of feeling so anxious over this stuff. I sometimes wish I didn't know about sex at all. What can I do? -- EMBARRASSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Stop beating yourself up for having normal feelings for someone your age. As young women (and men) mature, sexual feelings happen. They are not shameful, and experiencing them does not mean they must be acted upon.

The more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more you will. (I feel similarly about chocolate.) One way to deal with obsessive thoughts is to divert the thought into an action that is acceptable. In your case, becoming involved in sports might rechannel some of your sexual energy. The key is to stay busy. But if your obsessive thoughts persist, they should be discussed with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is driving us crazy. She is constantly on her cell phone with Facebook, e-mail or playing games when she's at our home. Her sons (3 and 7) were fighting last week and she didn't even raise her head to break it up. She just repeated in a monotone, "Stop," because she didn't want to break her concentration!

What I don't understand is, she's a teacher. How would she feel if her whole class tweeted, e-mailed and played games during her lessons? If I say anything about her using the phone at our dinner table, she makes a face and later tells my son I'm rude. -- HAD THE INTERNET UP TO HERE!

DEAR HAD THE INTERNET!: The Internet has many virtues. It provides information and diversion -- but it can also be addictive. From your description of your daughter-in-law, it appears she has become hooked. That she would fail to intervene when her children misbehave sends a strong message.

You should detail your concerns to your son because they are valid. Not only is your daughter-in-law's behavior rude and a poor example, but the children are being neglected. The Internet is not the problem. The problem is her fixation on it.

DEAR ABBY: After entertaining family and friends with BBQ holiday dinners, which includes purchasing all the food and beverages, must I send guests home with leftovers? Over the years, it has been "expected" that I'd give them a take-home dinner at my expense. What's right -- pack the leftovers for my own personal use or divide them up for guests? -- LEFT HOLDING THE BAG

DEAR LEFT HOLDING THE BAG: People "expect" you to send the leftovers with them because that's the pattern you set all these years. Because you now prefer to keep them for your personal use, pare down the menu and prepare less food. You might also clean up earlier and put the excess food away -- out of sight, out of mind. If you are questioned, deal with it by pointing out that in this economy everyone needs to cut back -- and while in the past you sent food home with your guests, for the foreseeable future "charity" begins at home. Your home.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and one of my best friends attempted suicide. "Greg" always seemed so happy that this has come as a shock to all of us. We're thankful he is alive, but we don't know how to behave around him.

When Greg returns to school, what should we talk about and how can we (his friends) support him? -- GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE

DEAR GIVEN: Greg is lucky to have such caring friends as you. When you see him, tell him you're glad to see him and were concerned about him. Do not pump him for details. If he wants to talk about what happened, let him do it in his own time.

As to what to talk about with him, talk about the things you always have and include him in all the activities you have in the past. Knowing his friends care about him is very important.

If you have further concerns, discuss them with a guidance counselor at school or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Its phone number is (800) 273-8255 and its website is www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

DEAR ABBY: Before I married my wife, I told her I didn't want a housewife and she agreed she would never be out of work. Two months after tying the knot, she said she got fired from her job, but I think she quit.

She's asking me for money to do things I thought were dumb when we were dating. We dated for three years before getting married and she had the same job the whole time. She has now been out of work for a year.

I feel like I have been tricked. I have never seen her look in the newspaper or search online for work. I think she was a better girlfriend than she is a wife. How do I fix this situation? -- UNHAPPILY MARRIED

DEAR UNHAPPILY MARRIED: Remind your wife of the agreement you had before you were married -- that you would be a working couple. Because you feel you are being taken advantage of, offer your wife the option of marriage counseling. However, if that doesn't heal the breach in your relationship, talk to a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding grocery store self-scan checkouts. Many grocery stores and supermarkets usually have four machines in one lane, two on each side. If they are all being used, are customers supposed to form one line -- and the customer in front goes whenever a machine opens up? Or does each machine have its own individual line?

I, along with most other people, wait in the middle in one lane. But many times someone will walk right past and stand behind someone checking out!

I never see signs posted and no employees ever say anything. Hopefully, you could clear this up for us. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This is a question that should be addressed to the manager of the grocery store where you are shopping. If most of the customers are forming a single line and someone cuts in, the folks in line usually have no hesitation telling the offender, "The line starts here!" But because there is some confusion, and the self-checkout technology is still new, it makes sense that the management of the store would post a sign telling customers what is preferred.

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DEAR ABBY: You assured "Overwhelmed in Ohio" (Dec. 18) that fellow student "Dan" will "move on and start building a life" after high school is over. On what base might he build? Because "Overwhelmed" says Dan is an "outcast" whom everyone treats as invisible, and he has attached himself to the one person who has befriended him, it appears he has completely missed the normal teen social-learning process. How, then, is he supposed to have acquired the social skills necessary for building connections later in life?

There's a difference between being unpopular and being ostracized. An unpopular kid can participate in social situations with similar kids. A kid who is shunned cannot. Unfortunately, Dan may be on a path toward lifelong social illiteracy and isolation.

What needs to happen before "Overwhelmed" pulls away is for the adults in charge of this school to figure out why Dan has been ostracized, and develop an effective remedy for the situation -- one that gets Dan into normal relationships with other people. And there should also be lessons about empathy provided to the students who are shunning him. -- KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE

DEAR KNOWS: Thank you for your insight. You are by no means the only reader who felt compelled to chime in on this sad situation. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: High school can be a cruel time for many young people, especially those deemed "outcasts" by their peers. I had a friend in high school who truly suffered. I made it my mission to make sure he felt he had a friend and wasn't completely alone. I hung out with him at lunch, at the library on weekends, and tried to include him in activities I was involved in. I defended him to those who called him names, and although I was younger than he, I felt like his protector.

Now, eight years later and living in different states, we are still friends. He told me recently that I was the only reason he didn't attempt suicide in high school. He said I had saved his life by just taking a few moments out of my day to say hello or hang out with him. At the time I didn't realize the lifeline I was extending. -- LUCY IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My teenage son was similarly "invisible" to most of his classmates and it led to deep depression and anxiety. He is now at a school with other kids who have social learning disorders -- a broad class that includes Asperger's syndrome and a general failure to observe and respond to social cues.

If Dan falls into this category, he needs the help of both the adults and teens in his life. There is also effective therapy available for social learning disorders, and a decent school counselor should be able to help Dan and his parents find it. -- MOM OF A FORMERLY INVISIBLE TEEN

DEAR ABBY: Dan might be autistic, which could explain his behavior. I have an autistic son who is high functioning. His social skills seem immature and he appears "geeky." People have shunned and teased him because of it.

After managing to develop some friendships in band (which, by the way, has some of the best geeky kids who accept others) and a church high school group, his social skills improved. But he needs those kids who overlook his quirkiness and befriend him to help him build confidence. They do exist; you just have to sometimes search for them. If Dan starts feeling more accepted by others, it may lessen his dependence on "Overwhelmed." -- JANN IN TEXAS