DEAR ABBY: A friend told me something recently that was so disturbing I'm having trouble sleeping.

"Marie" was at a mini-mall when a man parked his car next to hers and walked into one of the stores, leaving a boy about 8 years old in the back seat with a cat. Marie saw the boy abuse and torture the animal. She said she could hear the cat howling through the closed vehicle. When the man returned to the car, my friend approached him and told him what she'd seen.

Abby, the man did not say one word. He climbed into his car and drove off. I haven't been able to get the image out of my head. That child learned his behavior somewhere, and his father condones it! If Marie hadn't been so shocked, she would have scribbled down the man's license number and reported the incident to the police or the SPCA. -- HORRIFIED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HORRIFIED: What your friend witnessed was a child in dire need of emotional help, and a parent with his head in the sand. Emotionally healthy children do not abuse animals. For the father to have ignored what your friend told him is very sad. Of most concern to me is the fact that children who abuse animals become increasingly aggressive, and sometimes go on to abuse other children. I hope the father reads my column and recognizes the fact that this son desperately needs counseling now!

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 28. I have a full-time job and am also pursuing a career as an actress, which takes up a lot of my spare time. I have good friends and I'm a people person. I'm attractive, have a good personality and consider myself to be intelligent.

I'm pretty good at putting myself out there. I talk to guys I see in the grocery store, in my office building, anywhere I can. I try to smile at everyone when I'm out and about. I ask friends to set me up, but haven't met any nice single men who are interested in dating. Almost all my close friends are married or in long-term relationships. At parties it's usually a bunch of couples and me. I feel like the token single friend.

I have a busy life, and the theater hasn't exactly been a great place to meet straight guys, but where is a good place? I have tried speed dating, online dating, bar-hopping and singles events to no avail. Why can't I find a nice guy who's ready for a real relationship? I'm starting to lose hope. -- LOOKING FOR LOVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOOKING: Please don't lose hope. But let's review the venues in which you have been searching. I'm struck by the fact that all of those you mentioned require you to make a "quick sale."

With speed dating you establish that you're both available and there's a superficial attraction, but not much else. Bars are the worst places I can think of to look for a serious relationship. No one's at their best after downing a couple of shots, and the noise level isn't conducive to meaningful conversation. The Internet has been known to bring results, but many people -- of both sexes -- are wary because so many users fudge the facts on dating sites.

Singles events are better, but you might have more luck meeting men if you go places that nice people go, where there's less pressure. How about volunteering some time in your community -- the library, a hospital, the police department, a shelter? I recommend places like these because they offer the chance to form relationships with more depth. Even if you don't find Mr. Right, you may meet someone who can introduce you to someone eligible.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who is obsessed with remaining a virgin. I'm uncomfortable around guys my age for fear they will want sex.

I am tormented all day long by thoughts of losing my virginity. If I see a mildly racy scene in a movie or have a sexual thought and experience some sort of physiological reaction, I become extremely upset. I must repeatedly reassure myself that any arousal was not deliberate.

I'm sick of feeling so anxious over this stuff. I sometimes wish I didn't know about sex at all. What can I do? -- EMBARRASSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Stop beating yourself up for having normal feelings for someone your age. As young women (and men) mature, sexual feelings happen. They are not shameful, and experiencing them does not mean they must be acted upon.

The more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more you will. (I feel similarly about chocolate.) One way to deal with obsessive thoughts is to divert the thought into an action that is acceptable. In your case, becoming involved in sports might rechannel some of your sexual energy. The key is to stay busy. But if your obsessive thoughts persist, they should be discussed with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is driving us crazy. She is constantly on her cell phone with Facebook, e-mail or playing games when she's at our home. Her sons (3 and 7) were fighting last week and she didn't even raise her head to break it up. She just repeated in a monotone, "Stop," because she didn't want to break her concentration!

What I don't understand is, she's a teacher. How would she feel if her whole class tweeted, e-mailed and played games during her lessons? If I say anything about her using the phone at our dinner table, she makes a face and later tells my son I'm rude. -- HAD THE INTERNET UP TO HERE!

DEAR HAD THE INTERNET!: The Internet has many virtues. It provides information and diversion -- but it can also be addictive. From your description of your daughter-in-law, it appears she has become hooked. That she would fail to intervene when her children misbehave sends a strong message.

You should detail your concerns to your son because they are valid. Not only is your daughter-in-law's behavior rude and a poor example, but the children are being neglected. The Internet is not the problem. The problem is her fixation on it.

DEAR ABBY: After entertaining family and friends with BBQ holiday dinners, which includes purchasing all the food and beverages, must I send guests home with leftovers? Over the years, it has been "expected" that I'd give them a take-home dinner at my expense. What's right -- pack the leftovers for my own personal use or divide them up for guests? -- LEFT HOLDING THE BAG

DEAR LEFT HOLDING THE BAG: People "expect" you to send the leftovers with them because that's the pattern you set all these years. Because you now prefer to keep them for your personal use, pare down the menu and prepare less food. You might also clean up earlier and put the excess food away -- out of sight, out of mind. If you are questioned, deal with it by pointing out that in this economy everyone needs to cut back -- and while in the past you sent food home with your guests, for the foreseeable future "charity" begins at home. Your home.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and one of my best friends attempted suicide. "Greg" always seemed so happy that this has come as a shock to all of us. We're thankful he is alive, but we don't know how to behave around him.

When Greg returns to school, what should we talk about and how can we (his friends) support him? -- GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE

DEAR GIVEN: Greg is lucky to have such caring friends as you. When you see him, tell him you're glad to see him and were concerned about him. Do not pump him for details. If he wants to talk about what happened, let him do it in his own time.

As to what to talk about with him, talk about the things you always have and include him in all the activities you have in the past. Knowing his friends care about him is very important.

If you have further concerns, discuss them with a guidance counselor at school or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Its phone number is (800) 273-8255 and its website is www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

DEAR ABBY: Before I married my wife, I told her I didn't want a housewife and she agreed she would never be out of work. Two months after tying the knot, she said she got fired from her job, but I think she quit.

She's asking me for money to do things I thought were dumb when we were dating. We dated for three years before getting married and she had the same job the whole time. She has now been out of work for a year.

I feel like I have been tricked. I have never seen her look in the newspaper or search online for work. I think she was a better girlfriend than she is a wife. How do I fix this situation? -- UNHAPPILY MARRIED

DEAR UNHAPPILY MARRIED: Remind your wife of the agreement you had before you were married -- that you would be a working couple. Because you feel you are being taken advantage of, offer your wife the option of marriage counseling. However, if that doesn't heal the breach in your relationship, talk to a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding grocery store self-scan checkouts. Many grocery stores and supermarkets usually have four machines in one lane, two on each side. If they are all being used, are customers supposed to form one line -- and the customer in front goes whenever a machine opens up? Or does each machine have its own individual line?

I, along with most other people, wait in the middle in one lane. But many times someone will walk right past and stand behind someone checking out!

I never see signs posted and no employees ever say anything. Hopefully, you could clear this up for us. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This is a question that should be addressed to the manager of the grocery store where you are shopping. If most of the customers are forming a single line and someone cuts in, the folks in line usually have no hesitation telling the offender, "The line starts here!" But because there is some confusion, and the self-checkout technology is still new, it makes sense that the management of the store would post a sign telling customers what is preferred.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)