DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who, after nearly 25 years, is back on the dating scene. Those years were spent in a same-sex relationship. I just happened to fall in love with a woman. I have custody of our child from the union.

I do not put a label on my sexual orientation. I would like to meet a nice man and pursue a new relationship. How do I let interested parties know about my past? Being back in the dating world is difficult enough without having to explain an unusual history. -- BACK IN THE GAME IN ARIZONA

DEAR BACK IN THE GAME: The subject of where you have been for the last 25 years is bound to come up early in a relationship -- or even before there's a relationship. My advice is to just be honest. And may I be frank? Some men will find the idea that you were with another woman titillating, while others may even find it a challenge. So don't jump into anything too quickly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a certified massage therapist who attended a reputable massage therapy school. I worked hard for my certification because my goal is to relieve people of chronic pain issues.

When I'm asked what I do for a living, men start making jokes that imply I'm the type of masseuse who massages naked men for their sexual pleasure. I find this more than a little insulting. They think they're being funny, but I don't!

How can I discourage these innuendos? Should I ignore them and hope they get the point from the expression on my face? -- OFFENDED THERAPIST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OFFENDED: When someone makes an offensive comment, I see nothing wrong in letting that person know he has "rubbed" you the wrong way. Tell him you studied hard to be in a healing profession -- that the innuendo is insulting and not funny, and you're not "that kind" of girl. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My hubby is a smoker. He was one when we married. He promised he'd quit before our wedding; it didn't happen. When I became pregnant, he promised again he would stop. Didn't happen.

Our son is now 2 years old and "Tom" still sneaks out to smoke, and I am sure he does at work, too. His mother passed a year ago from cancer -- she was a longtime smoker, and his father has now been diagnosed with cancer. (He's a longtime smoker, too.)

I am terrified for Tom and our family. What can I do other than threaten, cry, etc. to get him to stop? -- KELLY IN TEXAS

DEAR KELLY: You're right to be worried and you have my sympathy. Smoking cessation programs are available through the American Cancer Society, but work only if the smoker is willing to avail himself. Nothing you can do will "make" your husband give up tobacco. He has been nicotine-saturated from birth. Smoking is the most preventable cause of death in the U.S. If the fact that both his parents were diagnosed with cancer -- probably from smoking -- hasn't convinced him to stop, frankly, nothing will.

You can protect your son by insisting that Tom not smoke in the boy's presence -- and when he's old enough, that he understands that his father has an addiction and cannot stop, as a warning not to start. Then pray the "family tradition" isn't passed down yet again.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice from someone who doesn't know me personally. My husband and I have been married four years and have three lovely kids. Recently we have hit hard times.

A few months ago my husband lost his job, and from there we hit rock bottom. Right now we are sleeping in our car. My problem is I don't like having my kids live like this. It makes me mad and I feel like a bad parent. I could go to a women's shelter, but I don't want to break up my family. I'm scared, and I'm not sure what to do.

My husband is working now, but we don't have enough money to get an apartment, so I was considering staying in a hotel -- but it will take some time before we can do that. Do you think we should stay at the shelter until we have a place, or until we can get a hotel room? I need some serious advice. -- SCARED IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR SCARED: I'm glad you asked. You should check out the shelter and see what kind of accommodations they can make for you and your small children. It's a better, safer environment for them than five people sleeping in a car. I know this is a painful decision, but it isn't "breaking up the family." It is only temporary until you and your husband have saved enough for accommodations together again.

DEAR ABBY: For the last five years I have had no time for myself. I'm 30 and have a wonderful wife and two daughters, 7 and 4. I work a 40-hour week and go to school full-time.

I don't want to sound selfish, because I know that my priorities are my wife and daughters, and I enjoy spending "quality time" with them. But I also feel that every other week or so, I should be able to get away for a few hours by myself to enjoy 18 holes of golf or go fishing.

If I tell my wife I'm going to do something, she makes me feel guilty. If I ask, she gives me the third degree. I know she doesn't need or want time to herself because I have asked her repeatedly if she does, hoping she'd return the favor -- but she doesn't give me "permission."

Am I asking the impossible? How do I find time for myself and tell my wife without upsetting her? -- "SELFISH" IN SPRINGFIELD

DEAR "SELFISH": (Almost) everyone needs "alone time" to pursue personal interests and unwind. You have a full schedule and you deserve quality time for yourself. Out of consideration for your wife, ask her if playing golf or fishing on a specific day conflicts with any couple or family event she had planned. And be sure to tell her that having some time to yourself will make you a better husband and father -- because it's the truth. Then go and enjoy yourself, and don't feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is new to Facebook and insists on posting something daily. The problem is he can't spell, and it's quite embarrassing. I've told him he should reread his posts before he sends them, but he doesn't. How should I handle this? -- CAN YOU SAY SPELL CHECK?

DEAR SPELL CHECK: Your boyfriend's problem isn't that he can't spell. It's that he's too lazy to use spell check. Much as you might like to "handle this" for him, you can't. Some people must learn their lessons the hard way, and until he embarrasses himself badly enough to proofread his postings, he'll continue not checking his spelling.

Warning: Do not step in and become his editor or it could become a full-time job.

DEAR ABBY: My stepmother -- the only mother I have ever known -- has been clinically diagnosed with a paranoid personality. This means she is suspicious, a martyr in any situation and flatly denies anything she thinks would cast her in a negative light. She can be very convincing. Once or twice she has even convinced me that my memories were wrong, although the facts were later corroborated by other family members.

People who can't see through her "act" consider my mother to be a saint. Those who see her clearly know that she's spiteful and vindictive. She has, for years, refused to take her prescribed medicine and won't explore any other treatment. She insists the problem is with everyone else, especially me.

You have told others about the need to cut toxic friends and relatives out of their lives, but how does one do it? I know there will never be closure or a good relationship, but I can't help wanting one. I'm in my mid-30s and feel if my mother doesn't love me, how can anyone else? -- NEEDS A RESOLUTION IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEEDS A RESOLUTION: You have more than one problem. Removing toxic individuals from one's life is as easy as refusing to go along with their behavior. Once you draw the line, those people will "help" you by cutting you out of theirs. Your mother's mental illness may prevent her from loving anyone -- not you specifically.

I hope you realize how important it is to discuss your feelings with a licensed psychotherapist. You have an entire upbringing by a woman with a damaged personality to overcome. The fact that she couldn't love you does not mean you are unlovable. And the sooner you are able to accept that, the more lovable you will be because you will like yourself more.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago I was suddenly widowed after many years of marriage. Because I was totally "available," I became very involved with my children and grandchildren. I did not date.

About a year ago, that changed. I met "Gerald," a man who makes me very happy. We enjoy dinners together, dancing and travel. We spend three nights a week together -- usually at my place.

My brothers and friends are happy for me, but my daughters have not accepted him. They are civil in his presence, but in private they put him down. Their objections are: Gerald is more reserved than their father was, he takes up a lot of my time, that I'm "acting like a schoolgirl," and the sleepovers set a bad example for the grandkids. (They are not present when this occurs.)

I have told my daughters repeatedly how happy I am and how hurtful I find their comments. I refuse to listen to their negative comments, but they always come up. I don't want to alienate them and possibly have my time with my grandkids limited, but Gerald is going to be in my life for a while.

Any advice? -- GERALD'S "GIRL"

DEAR GERALD'S "GIRL": As an adult you have the right to live your life as you choose. Because you have already told your daughters their comments are hurtful, it's time to stand your ground more strongly.

Your grandchildren will not be shocked that Gerald is spending nights with you if their parents do not discuss it with them or in front of them. They'll be off doing their own thing as teenagers and, much as they love you, you will not be the focus of their attention.

If your daughters threaten to punish you by limiting your time with the grandkids, let it be their problem. But do not give in to the treatment they are giving you because it is unfair and uncalled-for.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)