DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful woman I'll call "Shannon" for a year and a half. She has most things that I want in a partner, and I often feel she's better than I deserve. We're in our early 30s, and Shannon is saying she will soon need some kind of idea where we are going in the future.

I'm having trouble with the notion of committing to her forever because I'm still attracted to other women. (I haven't been involved with anyone else since starting to date her.) More worrisome, I'm afraid I'll meet someone I'm more attracted to a few years down the road.

How can I be sure that Shannon will make me happier than anyone else I might meet in the future? -- CONFLICTED IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR CONFLICTED: You say Shannon has "most" things you want in a partner. Yet I sense that you're not as physically attracted to her as you think you should be. If this woman does not appeal to you, then face it -- she's not for you.

Of course, regardless of how attractive one's partner is, there are no guarantees that anyone -- male or female -- won't meet someone who is different and appealing at some point in the future. But those who are mature and committed usually realize they have enough invested emotionally in their marriage and children that they can resist temptation. It's called being an adult.

DEAR ABBY: At least once a week my boss and I drive together from our office to meetings throughout town. She always insists on driving. My problem is, she drives erratically and I often feel in danger with her behind the wheel. Not only does she swerve in and out of lanes without signaling, she is often talking on her cell phone (which is not illegal in our state).

I'd be happy to drive. I have a comfortable, reliable car and a safe driving history. I have offered, "I'd be glad to drive so you'll be free to give your full attention to important phone calls." None of my efforts has worked.

I don't want to be rude or insulting -- and certainly don't want to create an awkward situation with my boss -- but I don't want to keep putting myself at risk with her terrible driving. I'd be grateful for some advice. -- RIDING SHOTGUN IN MIAMI

DEAR RIDING SHOTGUN: It's time for another -- more direct -- chat with your boss. You should not have to worry every time you get into a car with her that you might not arrive in one piece. Tell her: "When you talk on the phone while you drive, it makes me very nervous. I'm concerned about my safety as well as the safety of others when you do it. If you don't want me to drive so you can make your calls, I will meet you at our destination."

DEAR ABBY: After her second mammogram in 10 years, my mother-in-law now needs a double mastectomy. An annual mammogram would have caught it early enough to prevent its spread.

Since I have trouble remembering when it has been a year since my last exam, I decided to schedule my annual exam on my birthday. Now I will always remember when it's time for my annual gift to myself -- preventive health care. -- ANNUAL ALISON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANNUAL ALISON: That's an excellent suggestion. Associating annual medical exams with a holiday -- like Valentine's Day -- would be another.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old male who feels lost and unfulfilled, and it's because I don't know what I want or deserve. I am one of three adopted children. I was the child who always needed the family support system the most. I come from a not-so-happy family, one with all its priorities centered around money. (Or, more accurately, lack of money.) I never felt the love a child should feel from his family.

My problem these days is my alcohol intake. I can't stay away from beer. I drink to forget my family problems and the fact that I can't seem to get anything right.

I dropped out of college because I don't have a passion for anything or anyone. I used to have hobbies -- like writing, photography, etc. -- but the beer has taken away my motivation and creativity.

I feel I'm losing my will to keep trying. I want so badly to keep trying, but my emotions are keeping me down. I just want something new, something I can give my all to, something that won't hurt me in the future. -- WHAT CAN I DO?

DEAR WHAT CAN I DO?: I'm glad you wrote, because I know of a group that may be able to give you the emotional support you need to get back on track and regain control of your life. It's Emotions Anonymous. Founded in 1971, it has 850 chapters worldwide and 450 in the United States. It is a 12-step program for people experiencing emotional difficulties. In these groups, members help each other by sharing experiences, strengths and hopes in order to improve their emotional health. It also offers books and literature to new and existing groups. The email address is eainfo(at)emotionsanonymous.org and its website is www.emotionsanonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: Back in second grade I was friends with "Jessica." A girl named "Kristy" started at my school, and I became friends with her, too. She didn't want me to be friendly with Jessica, and before long I began to pick on Jessica with Kristy. It reached the point where Kristy and two other girls wrote some mean things about Jessica on the blacktop. I didn't write anything, but I got in trouble, too. I knew I'd made a mistake and hurt her, and I felt bad about it.

A year or so later I apologized for what I had done. Jessica said it was OK, but I continued feeling guilty over the years for having teased her and not resisting peer pressure. When I was in high school, I sent her a message online and apologized again. Although she said again it was OK, I feel she still holds some resentment, and I don't blame her.

We're both adults now, and I see her when I shop at the store up the road from my house. Each time I'm in the checkout line she's working in, I get a cold attitude. I have told her I was wrong and have tried to make it up to her. Do I leave it alone or keep trying to reach out to her? -- HEAVY HEART IN MAINE

DEAR HEAVY HEART: Find some other way to expiate your guilt. Jessica has told you twice that you're forgiven. Leave her alone because for you to keep bringing up what had to have been a painful (although closed) chapter in her life at this point is creepy. If you can't do that, then please, shop someplace else or stand in a different checkout line.

DEAR ABBY: When one person owes another person an apology, does it count as a legitimate apology if the word "but" is tacked on at the end? I think adding "but" takes away from the admission of fault and places the blame back on the person owed the apology. Am I right? -- WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY

DEAR WAITING: Yes, you are. When someone adds "but" at the end of an apology, he or she is trying to justify whatever the offense was. And that's not a true apology.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I divorced after she had a year-long affair with a co-worker, whom she eventually married. Early in our marriage I suspected she was having an affair with a relative, which she finally admitted to after our divorce.

Now that our youngest son, "Douglas," has become an adult, he is beginning to strongly resemble his "Uncle Joel." I don't know if other members of our large family have noticed, but when I asked my ex if it's possible that Douglas is not my biological son, she became very quiet. I passed a note to Joel, but he blew it off without comment.

Douglas will soon be moving far away to begin his career and does not suspect anything. Should he be told who his real father is? Should his siblings be told the truth, or should I let Joel and my ex continue to lie as though nothing ever happened? -- DAD WITH A DILEMMA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DAD: Unless you are 100 percent certain that Douglas is not your child, you should not tell him otherwise. And the same goes for his siblings.

Before you take this any further, my advice is to discuss this with your lawyer because children born "within the bonds of wedlock" are presumed to be the husband's. However, if there is irrefutable proof that you are not Douglas' biological father, he should be informed so he can be aware of any medical information he may need in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are childless. I have two young nephews whom I adore. We have offered to baby-sit whenever my brother and sister-in-law need a night out. Sadly, we have been overlooked. Instead, our sister-in-law asks her younger sister to baby-sit. I understand that my sister-in-law is very close to her sister, but I can't help feeling insulted and a little jealous.

I'm a teacher, and my husband and I have good judgment. We also live closer than her sister does. I am struggling with these feelings, and I'm not sure if I should say anything. -- NOT FIRST CHOICE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT FIRST CHOICE: Of course you should speak up. It's certainly better than fuming and harboring hurt feelings. Not knowing your sister-in-law, it's hard to say why she has been reluctant to have you baby-sit. Perhaps she has simply fallen into a routine with her sister. Better to get this out in the open than to brood.

DEAR ABBY: A close relative became engaged last year. "Albert" is in his late 30s and has never been married. The family was delighted and welcomed his fiancee, "Claudia," with open arms. They have set a wedding date for later this year.

However, we have begun to witness Claudia's out-of-control behavior. There have been instances of screaming, abusive language and tantrums over simple things when she didn't get her way. She has always demanded that Albert support her behavior no matter how inappropriate it was.

Several family members had private conversations with Albert to warn him that the abuse will only get worse if they marry. Instead of heeding our warnings, he told Claudia about it. Now they are both alienated from the family and still planning to be married. What do we do now? -- AFRAID FOR HIS FUTURE IN ALABAMA

DEAR AFRAID FOR HIS FUTURE: Now you wait to see if you are on the guest list. And if you are, you will have to decide if you want to attend, which will imply that you approve of a union you think will be a disaster.