DEAR ABBY: It's Mother's Day, so I hope you'll allow me to share how I memorialize my mom today since she is no longer living.

My mother was a nurse for many years and worked well past retirement age. She finally had to quit when her body could no longer keep up with the physical demands of the job. She was an extremely caring and self-sacrificing person who would help anyone at any time. She was also a "softie" when it came to homeless animals.

I honor her by always making a point of being scheduled to work on Mother's Day. By doing so, I'm hoping it will free up someone else to spend time with her/his mother. Then I add up my earnings for the day and donate that amount to the local animal shelter.

I can think of no better way to honor the wonderful woman who molded me and gave me the basis of who I am today. -- CELEBRATING MOM IN LIBERTY, TEXAS

DEAR CELEBRATING MOM: Your mother raised a thoughtful, caring and generous child. I'm sure she was as proud of you as you are of her. Thank you for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: My world is crumbling and I don't know how to fix it. I have failed at being what my wife needs, which resulted in her confiding in another man. I try every day to be the best husband and father I can, but I think it may not be enough for her. I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me. I guess I don't listen and provide the support she needs. I thought I did, but I was wrong.

I trust my wife, but I violated that trust by snooping at her Facebook. I did it because she has been distant and I was afraid; if she wasn't talking to me, then to whom?

I'm afraid of life without her. If there was a single thing I could do or say, I would. If there was something I could buy, I'd go broke getting it for her. As of now I am lost and wanting to hold her and whisper how much I love her.

Abby, I don't expect an answer except to seek counseling, which I plan to do. I just needed to get it out. -- HOW DID I GET HERE?

DEAR HOW: While you may not expect an answer, allow me to offer one. The way to start "fixing" this is to talk to your wife. Explain what you did and the reason for it, and find out from her why she has been confiding in another man. Once you start communicating, it may turn out that your fears are groundless. However, if they're not, THEN the two of you should seek counseling to try to heal your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a recent widower. My divorced niece is 15 years younger than I am. We are not blood relatives, so would a potential couple relationship be ethical and appropriate in your opinion?

The age difference is not a significant issue because we have known each other for quite some time. I say we're good to go! My niece disagrees. Please advise. -- FEELS LIKE A KID AGAIN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR LIKE A KID AGAIN: Snap out of it! My opinion on this matter isn't nearly as relevant as what your niece thinks about it. Because the idea makes her uncomfortable, you should let it go before you embarrass both of you.

DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, and stepmothers -- and especially to my own beautiful mother, Pauline Phillips, in Minneapolis.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were together 11 years -- since we were 12 -- and married for four. He was killed in a car accident, and I am now a 23-year-old widow. I was in the passenger seat when he died. I sustained multiple injuries, but none as great as the massive anxiety I can't seem to shake.

I have had a great deal of support from friends and family. However, two months after my husband died I began talking to "Brian," a family friend who is going through a divorce. We'd stay up for hours talking about the things we were going through. I have developed love for Brian that is beyond anything I have felt before, built on a great deal of strength and heartache.

We moved fast because of our mutual need to have someone there for us. I feel guilty, however, that I have this relationship so soon after my husband's death. On top of all this, I have huge anxiety, the result of guilt, PTSD and my fear of abandonment.

I feel isolated because I'm so much younger than most widows I meet. Also, because I have the complicating factor of Brian's divorce (with two kids) going on now, I'm afraid my anxiety will never decrease. I can't reject the love I have for him. We've been there for each other through a time of great hardship. I want to be able to relax and enjoy it, not stress out and destroy it. Can you give me any advice? -- YOUNG WIDOW IN PAIN

DEAR YOUNG WIDOW: Allow me to offer my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. After what you have been through, it's understandable that you would experience the feelings you have been having. But if you are going to move on in the right direction, I urge you to discuss your current situation with a mental health professional -- preferably one who specializes in post-traumatic stress and anxiety.

While it's wonderful that you have met someone so soon, I urge you to make no permanent decisions for at least a year. You and Brian can support each other, but each of you is needy right now, and that's not a basis for a healthy relationship. With time, the anxieties will ease and what's causing them will lessen. If you'll forgive the baseball vernacular, my advice is to bunt rather than try to swing for a home run now. It will improve your odds of not striking out.

DEAR ABBY: My wife likes to sunbathe in the nude in our side yard. Anyone walking by on the sidewalk, or riding by on a bike or in a car can easily see her over our 3-foot-tall picket fence.

She is a beautiful woman and has nothing to be ashamed of, but knowing strangers can see her in the buff makes me uncomfortable. She says I should get over it. Should I? -- EMBARRASSED ON ELM STREET

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your wife assumes that your neighbors and passersby are as open-minded as she is. Please remind her that if a mother should walk by with a child, she could be deeply offended, call the police and your sun-worshipping wife could be charged with indecent exposure. A tall hedge in the front of your side yard would screen her from public view. Please consider it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "James," constantly tells me he loves me, but I don't think I love him. I'm sure most women would love having a man tell them he loves them all the time, but it drives me up a wall. If I walk into a room, James says he loves me. If I leave the room, he says it again. The words have lost their meaning for me, but if I don't respond in kind, James thinks I'm mad at him.

I am emotionally exhausted from having to constantly reassure him. If I try to discuss anything serious, he cries, and that just turns my stomach. I'm not an uncaring, unfeeling person. I'm very emotional, but when a man cries it makes me uncomfortable.

Please don't suggest counseling. James is a pastor who would want to go to a Christian counselor. That makes me uneasy because he knows all the ones around here. We don't have much money and no insurance. If I ask for a divorce, it will end his career.

Divorce is not an option for many people, but I don't want to wake up one morning and realize I have lived my entire life putting myself second. Abby, when is it OK to say this isn't working? -- MISERABLE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MISERABLE: Say it now, while there may still be a chance to save your marriage. It is crucial that you find the money you need for nondenominational couples therapy with a licensed professional. Your husband needs to overcome insecurities that may stem from the fact that he feels you becoming increasingly distant, or that may have originated in his youth. And you need to control the impulse to shut down when your husband expresses emotions that make you uncomfortable.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Understanding and accepting what the weaknesses are can be powerful tools in overcoming each other's shortcomings. Whether your marriage can be resuscitated (or not) will depend upon whether the two of you are capable of working this through. I wish you luck, because of how much each of you has to lose if it fails.

DEAR ABBY: A woman with whom I have become good friends over the past year lost a son 10 years ago, and is estranged from her adult daughter. I would like to acknowledge her in some way on Mother's Day because I don't think her daughter will.

Would it be appropriate to send her a card and/or flowers? -- KATHY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR KATHY: Unless your friend is an older mentor, I would refrain from sending a card with a Mother's Day motif. But a card telling her you're thinking of her -- or what a valued friend she is -- might be nice. Or a phone call. Ditto with the flowers.

DEAR ABBY: I am an over-50 "cougar" who has a boyfriend who's not happy with my looks. He loves all the other aspects of our relationship, but he wants me thinner and prettier. I'll never look 30 again. What do you think I should do? -- BARB IN RENO

DEAR BARB: Change boyfriends. If yours doesn't like you the way you are, face it -- your romance is on the downhill slide. Of course you'll never look 30 again. But what's important is how you feel about yourself.

My answer might be different had you said you wanted to be thinner because you thought it would make you more attractive. Please give this some serious thought while you still have a healthy level of self-esteem -- because the longer you're with this man, the more it will be eroded.