DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Julie," came home for the weekend so we could meet her new boyfriend, "Scott." He's a delightful young man, and my daughter is clearly smitten.

When I suggested Scott sleep in the guest room, Julie and my wife gave me this perplexed look as though I'm from a different planet. In the end, I was deeply disappointed that they shared a bedroom. After 30 years of marriage, this created the first disagreement between my wife and me in a long time.

I'm no prude. My wife and I had our share of premarital mambo, but we always slept in separate rooms while visiting our families before we were married. It was about respect for our parents' feelings.

Julie spends a lot of time with Scott's family where they share a room. My wife is afraid if we don't provide common accommodations in our home, our daughter will be less inclined to visit.

I welcome your thoughts, Abby. Is expecting some sense of propriety being a curmudgeonly father? -- STUMPED AND TRUMPED IN OHIO

DEAR STUMPED AND TRUMPED: You didn't mention how long Julie and Scott have been involved, or whether they're living together -- which might have had some bearing on this. However, I keep coming back to the fact that under your roof, guests should abide by your rules. If you prefer that unmarried couples sleep apart in your home, then your feelings should have been respected. And for your wife to wimp out for the reason you stated is just sad.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a company that processes orders from a store at a local mall. I handle these orders and have run into an embarrassing problem. Our customers come from every imaginable ethnic background. When I take a look at some of the names on the work orders, I can't even begin to pronounce them.

It's my job to call these customers back to verify details and schedule installations, so what should I do? Is it more polite to try to sound out the name and wait to be corrected, or to apologize right off the bat and ask the proper pronunciation? -- TONGUE-TIED IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR TONGUE-TIED: To lead off the conversation by stating that you don't know how to pronounce someone's name could be extremely off-putting. It would be better to sound it out, syllable by syllable, and try to pronounce it -- adding, "If I have mispronounced your name, please correct me." (It probably won't be the first time the person has heard it.)

DEAR ABBY: I have several old Bibles that are literally falling apart. What's the proper way of disposing of Bibles? It seems wrong to just throw them in the trash or burn them. -- ROBERT IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR ROBERT: The answer to your question depends upon the religion to which you belong. According to my experts, Protestants can dispose of an old Bible by giving it to someone or by throwing it away if they're comfortable doing that -- the paper and ink are not "holy." Old Bibles can also be given to a Bible bookstore or Bible book society for refurbishing or disposal.

Catholics can either burn or bury old Bibles.

Jewish people should call a temple or Jewish cemetery and ask if it has a "genizah" -- a special place to bury books with the name of God in them. (When the genizah is filled, it will be closed and buried.)

Persons of other religions should consult their religious authority governing the accepted manner of disposing of holy books.

DEAR ABBY: Your mother's recipes occasionally have been printed in your column. However, there is one of the best that I have never seen yet. It's her "St. James' Baked Beans." If you have never tried it before, then the greatest taste sensation has been missed. I am always invited back to any party -- provided I bring the beans. I have always given your mom full credit for the recipe and have never changed a single ingredient. You can't improve upon perfection.

Do your readers a favor and print it. They won't be sorry. My mom started making them when she bought the first cookbooklet in 1987, and I have continued the tradition. Thanks! -- SANDRA S., PORT ST. LUCIE, FLA.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm pleased to print the recipe. With summer almost here, those baked beans will make a welcome addition to any barbecue or patio party -- and they're high in fiber, too. Other recipes in the cookbooklet set are also terrific for entertaining when the weather is sweltering. Among them are Summer Cucumber Salad, Cucumber Soup, Abby's Tomato Salad, Summer Surprise Dessert (made with fresh fruit) and Ritz Pecan Pie. All of them are simple and easy to make. The cookbooklet set can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Included with the recipes are tips for not only entertaining, but also how to graciously end a party without being rude -- a question I am frequently asked.

ST.JAMES' BAKED BEANS

(Serves 8)

6 slices bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 (16-ounce) can pork and beans, drained

1 (16-ounce) can lima beans, drained

1 (15-ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 (10-ounce) package sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

1 cup ketchup

3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 1 1/2-quart casserole. In a small skillet, saute the bacon and onions until the bacon is crisp and onions are lightly browned; drain well. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Add bacon-onion mixture; mix well. Pour bean mixture into prepared casserole. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: Why is it when women get headaches or something goes wrong that depresses them, they take it out on us men? -- SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT IN SIOUX CITY, IOWA

DEAR SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT: For the same reason that men do it. It's because you are there.

DEAR ABBY: "Little Bit Lonely" (March 26) misses traveling since her husband's death. She wrote that she isn't "good at mingling with new people" and wondered if it would be appropriate to ask her son to include her on weekend trips with his family.

I want to urge "Lonely" to go to her local community college and take classes for seniors. Take any class she might have dreamed of as a young woman. Make friends. Expand her horizons!

I had breast cancer 18 months ago. The day after my surgery, I took stock of my life and decided if I was to follow my childhood dream, what better time than now? I am doing that, and have begun studying voice and theater arts. Do I aspire to be another Helen Reddy or Helen Mirren? No, but I intend to have fun while I take the journey of the rest of my life.

Let me say to her, "Don't be a 'little bit lonely.' Be a little bit too busy!" -- NOT AT ALL LONELY, SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR NOT LONELY: Thank you for an inspiring letter. Other readers shared creative ideas for "Lonely" that might help her set her sails in new directions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Lonely" should organize a trip (even just a weekend jaunt) and invite her son and family along. That would give the son the opportunity to reciprocate her invitation, which could lead to a new family tradition. -- GAYLE IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: My dad passed away eight years ago, and Mom has been on her own ever since. She has become a savvy traveler and has made numerous friends along the way. "Lonely" should look into churches, travel agencies and cruise companies for trips for senior singles. "Lonely" does not need to be alone. My mom goes places with family and is close friends with my mother-in-law, too. One or two trips, and "Lonely" should be able to find a few good friends. -- PROUD OF MY BROOKLYN MOM

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a widow. I go on my own to football and soccer games as well as other activities that involve my grandchildren. It's my firm belief that it isn't up to my children to entertain me. They have their own busy lives and need their family time.

I have developed my own social life. I met one of my best friends in a choral group, and another when she sat next to me at church. The three of us go to movies, concerts, plays, etc., and they have introduced me to many new activities. Senior centers sponsor computer classes, bingo and day excursions, and community colleges offer classes in photography, writing, yoga for a nominal fee. Be willing to work through some discomfort and take some risks. -- NOT A BIT LONELY

DEAR ABBY: Here's what I'd tell "Lonely": Take a course in self-development. Programs are available for developing skills and learning to live life from the perspective of "possibilities."

Do something for someone in a nursing home or visit Alzheimer's patients. Read to them or just hold a hand. When you get a smile from these patients, you'll know your presence really makes a difference. Join the Red Hat Society. Most of the members are alone and have a great time together.

Volunteer at church, teach Sunday school, work with the homeless in a shelter. Do something for someone who has less. Our world needs people with warm hearts and the time to contribute. You will be amazed at how great you'll feel. -- LORRAINE IN ENCINITAS, CALIF.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)