DEAR ABBY: I met "Angie" on a dating site not long ago. She's an intelligent, open-minded woman. So when one of our first conversations turned to sexual preferences, I felt at ease revealing one of my "likes" to her even though I didn't know her well.

Today when we were talking, Angie mentioned that she had asked her girlfriend about her experiences with what I had discussed. Clearly her intent wasn't to gossip, but nevertheless, I felt betrayed. I had discussed a personal part of myself in a private conversation, and she had divulged what I had said to someone without asking me.

Now I'm not sure I want to continue talking to her. Confidence is an essential part of any relationship beyond a casual friendship, and I don't want her friends being privy to everything that goes on between me and her, even on a "promise not to tell anyone" basis.

On the other hand, Angie seemed concerned when she realized I was upset, and her intentions were not malicious. Should I move on? If not, how do I discuss my feelings with Angie without being confrontational? -- WANTS IT PRIVATE IN TEXAS

DEAR WANTS IT PRIVATE: Angie is not only open-minded, she is also open-mouthed when discussing intimate matters. She and her girlfriend talk about their sexual preferences and activities, or she wouldn't have known that her friend has had the experience you discussed.

If you prefer your sex life kept private, move on because Angie isn't likely to change. If you are so attracted to her that you're willing to have your private life become an open book -- continue confiding in her because it will happen. Let this be a lesson about opening the door to your innermost secrets so quickly in the future.

DEAR ABBY: It's the time of year when preschool and elementary school teachers receive so many tokens of thanks we don't know what to do with them.

Why not give a gift that will really be appreciated -- and from which everyone will benefit? Let your child help pick out a book for the teacher's classroom library. The kids know what is already there and can be involved in finding something new and exciting. It will also help them understand how important reading is to you. Most teachers can always use a new addition to their bookshelf. -- READING IS FOR EVERYONE

DEAR R.I.F.E.: I love your suggestion. Reading is for everyone, and a way to convey that message is for parents of preschool and elementary schoolchildren to read to them and with them every day.

DEAR ABBY: While going through some old greeting cards, I read the messages written by our children when they were kids. I thought I would send them back -- one for each occasion -- as a reminder of good things from the past.

It seems some children blame their parents, but forget all the good that happened in their lives. Seeing an old card may be a positive reminder. -- RECYCLING WITH A TWIST

DEAR RECYCLING: Maybe, maybe not. If you're having problems with your adult children, my advice would be to resolve those issues in a forthright manner. Do not attempt to "guilt" them, because it's manipulative and could backfire.

However, if you are determined to send the cards, be sure to write something on each one about reconciliation that carries a positive message.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I will be attending a milestone birthday party for a friend of his. The fiancee of the birthday guy stated on the invitation, "There will be a surprise during the evening." It has been suggested that a stripper "may" be the surprise.

Abby, I realize this might be OK for some people and it's just for fun, but I'd be uncomfortable if this happens. My boyfriend knows my feelings, but I don't know if we would risk being ridiculed if we left the party. What should I do if I find myself in this situation? -- HATE TO BE A PARTY-POOPER

DEAR "PARTY-POOPER": Contact the birthday guy's fiancee and ask if what you heard is true. If it is, spare yourself the embarrassment and have your boyfriend attend the party without you.

DEAR ABBY: When someone has a serious illness or major surgery, everyone thinks to bring food, which is lovely. But I have a better idea.

When my friend, who has a young family, was diagnosed with breast cancer, I offered to do her laundry. Her recovery was slow, and the chemo and radiation therapies endless. Three years later, we're nearing the end of a short and brave life, and I still do their laundry every week. It has been a help to her, and I have grown closer to her and her family. When she's gone, I will never again do a load of wash without thinking of her.

Perhaps your readers can help another family this way. -- THE LAUNDRY FAIRY, ROCHESTER, MINN.

DEAR LAUNDRY FAIRY: The support you have given to that family extends far beyond doing laundry. Your presence over the long haul has, I'm sure, meant much more. Read on for a view from the perspective of a caregiver:

DEAR ABBY: My wife has dementia. Our children don't live close by, so I'm her only caregiver. One afternoon a week I hire someone to stay with her so I can grocery shop, do banking and run necessary errands. Neighbors and friends over the years have offered the standard, "If I can do anything to help, let me know," but I'm not the type to call and ask, although it would be wonderful to have more hours to myself to do things in a leisurely manner rather than like running a marathon.

I know people are busy, but it would be great if some of those who offered help would call occasionally, tell me they have an afternoon or evening free (or even an hour or two) and give me a little breathing room.

I don't begrudge one moment of the time I have spent caring for my wife. She has, for 50 years, been a marvelous wife, a wonderful mother and the center of our family. Whatever I do for her can never repay the comfort, strength and joy she has brought into my life. But I cried (privately) on Christmas Day after the family had finished our gift exchange, because I had no time to go and buy her a gift.

Please advise your readers that if the offer of help they extend is real, to please check their schedules, find some time they are willing to give, call that friend, neighbor or relative and offer to sit with their loved one. That thoughtful gesture will be appreciated beyond what they could possibly ever imagine. -- A FRIEND OF YOURS

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DEAR ABBY: "Maya" and I competed throughout high school. We shared common interests -- even friends, who would blow me off to hang out with her.

We were involved in speech and debate and were nominated for the girls' state team. I was deemed "too qualified," so Maya got the nomination. She ran against me for speech president and I won by a huge margin. Then the coach decided she wanted us to be "co-presidents" and announced to everyone that the vote was tied. I was one-upped constantly.

Later, to my chagrin, I discovered we'd be going to the same college. I was told I'd probably never see her because of the large campus. Well, last semester she joined two activities I'm involved in. We rushed for a prestigious pre-law organization. She was accepted; I wasn't.

As it turns out, we both want to go to the same law school and become corporate attorneys.

Maya is pretty, popular and charming. I am plain and by no means popular. I can't stand to lose one more thing to her. After all these coincidences, we'll probably end up in the same law firm. What can I do to stop feeling so awful about myself as Maya continues to take away all the things I care about most? -- TIRED OF SECOND PLACE

DEAR TIRED: Your high school speech coach's obvious favoritism for Maya was terrible, and for that I am sorry. But you have allowed your feelings of being constantly one-upped to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stop concentrating on Maya and start devoting all of your attention to yourself and your goals. While good looks and charm are powerful assets, so are being brilliant, self-assured and accomplished in one's field. Let the future take care of itself and you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that she's not in it. Or if she is, that she's no longer the focus of your obsession and you are both successful.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Kyle," lives with his mother in a nearby town. I have always tried to be a good father, but despite countless phone calls, visits and vacations together we never really bonded.

Kyle is a smart, nice kid, but he has no hobbies, no friends, no girlfriends or interests that I have ever seen. He rarely leaves the house except for school. I haven't been able to get him to engage in a sport or activity with me or show any type of "normal" kid behavior.

He spent part of last summer with me, and when I asked him questions about his life and wanted to take him for a doctor's exam (he's never had one!), he begged his mom to come "rescue" him, which she did. She refuses to discuss this and says Kyle's just shy.

I feel I must do something, but what? Maybe if my ex reads this she'll listen to someone else. Abby, don't you see a possible problem here? -- DADDY IN THE DARK IN TEXAS

DEAR DADDY IN THE DARK: I certainly do. And had you intervened while your son was still a minor, there might have been some way to have had him medically and psychologically evaluated. But he's an adult now. And unless he is willing to admit there is a problem and seek help for it, there isn't a darn thing you can do at this late date. If there are other male family members Kyle trusts, you might try recruiting their assistance.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)