DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher with a dilemma. I have taught for 10 years and connected with thousands of former students. With the Internet and social networking, I am able to keep in touch with many of them. I enjoy knowing what they're doing in their college careers and beyond.

One student I've kept in touch with recently admitted his romantic love for me. "Kyle" is now in his 20s and on his own. As his teacher 10 years ago, I'd never have dreamed of this happening. What's difficult is I think I reciprocate those feelings. I never expected the man I connect with most to be a former student, but Kyle is an adult and I know him as such.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm aware of my professional boundaries as a teacher and would never cross those lines with a student or minor. What do you do when your former student is an adult, you live in a small town and you're drawn to each other? This could be the love I've been waiting for my entire life. Would it be totally inappropriate if I followed my heart? -- WONDERING IN WYOMING

DEAR WONDERING: No. Because Kyle is an adult, and when he was your student there was no flirting (I presume), I see nothing unethical about pursuing the relationship. However, if your romance becomes fodder for gossip -- and it very well might -- you should be prepared to relocate.

DEAR ABBY: I went to the zoo with my daughter's class as a chaperone. While we were there, I saw several children begin climbing the walls of some of the exhibits. They were not part of the group from our school. I promptly asked the children "nicely" not to climb on the exhibits for fear they would hurt themselves or fall in.

A parent who heard me ask her son to get down began yelling and cursing at me in front of my daughter and the other children. I said, "I'm sorry," and walked on.

I don't feel I did anything wrong. I was trying to warn the boy that what he was doing was dangerous. Did I do the wrong thing? Or should I have talked to a member of the zoo staff about what happened? Please advise what you would do if someone's child did what I witnessed. -- VIGILANT PARENT IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR VIGILANT PARENT: Candidly, I probably would have reflexively done exactly what you did -- get the child out of harm's way. However, the prudent way to handle a situation like the one you encountered would have been to alert the zoo staff or security personnel so they could handle it.

DEAR ABBY: In our golfing circle there's a single, 47-year-old professional woman with two children. We thought we knew her. Come to find out, she has been involved for the last five years with a married man who has a child.

We're uncomfortable having her around us now. None of us is perfect, but a woman who would take another's man and wreck a home is one thing most women can't stand. What, if anything, should we do? -- TEE'D OFF IN ALABAMA

DEAR TEE'D OFF: Before deciding what to do, talk privately with the woman, tell her what you have learned and hear what she has to say about it. After that, you'll know what (or what not) to do.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from "Not Fooled in Michigan" (April 22), who expressed concern about her fiance's daughter's reliance on him to proofread her college papers. As a teacher, I know when I assign a paper that the spelling and grammar will likely be checked by a computer or a person other than a student. Whether it's the campus proofreading service or a parent is immaterial. Would "Fooled" have the same "ethical" objections if "Kimberly" were using the campus office to provide the same service?

What matters is the content of her essays, which the girl is apparently writing by herself -- and incidentally, completing in enough time to send them to a proofreader and await a response. That suggests a more developed sense of responsibility than is common among my students.

I see no ethical dilemma here, and I find it disingenuous of "Not Fooled" to suggest otherwise. As for Kimberly's "unhealthy" reliance on her dad, the aforementioned campus services are, in my experience, generally staffed with underpaid undergraduates or overworked teaching assistants. If her dad has the knowledge and time to assist her, I see nothing wrong with her asking for his help. That's not over-reliance on a parent. It's choosing the best of one's available options. -- TEXAS TEACHER WHO KNOWS

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for writing. I received a huge number of responses to that letter -- from teachers, parents and students alike. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The fiancee needs to determine which class the papers are for before calling foul. If it's a composition class in which the student is graded on spelling and grammar, then no, Dad shouldn't fix them, but he can advise. It's called being a parent, and "Not Fooled" better become accustomed to the idea of sharing his attention.

If it's something like a history class, editing assistance shouldn't be a problem. All good writers have editors to help with mechanics because after looking at a piece for too long, you no longer see the errors. -- CYNDI IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: As a college student, I frequently read papers by students whose grammar training was less rigorous than mine. The university does not consider that cheating, and we are advised by our professors to do so. It is not their job to teach us grammar. They are trying to teach their material.

"Not Fooled" needs to relax, get a better understanding of today's university system, and learn to trust her future stepdaughter while encouraging parent-child communication. -- HANNAH IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old college student. I always send my siblings my essays before I turn them in, not just to proofread, but for their opinions of my writing. I would bet this is why the daughter sends her work to her father.

My daughter is still in high school, but I hope she continues to seek my opinion on her essays in the future. It has prompted many valuable and intriguing discussions, some of which have helped us to understand each other better as she transitions to adulthood. There's nothing "unhealthy" about an 18-to-22-year-old college student asking her dad to help with a paper. What's unhealthy is a future stepmom taking issue with it. It appears she has some underlying jealousy. -- MOM GRADUATING WITH HER KID

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps the daughter is simply making her father feel useful by including him in her life with this simple act. His fiancee should become more involved in the parenting process if she intends to stick her nose there. I can think of worse situations than this example of a parent being a parent. I wish there were more dads like him. -- RACHAEL IN SOUTHWEST GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old, stay-at-home mom with a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old. Three weeks ago, on my birthday, I found out that I am pregnant. Forty and pregnant --- it is truly a miracle. My husband, who is almost 50, is in complete shock.

He has looked like a ghost since he found out. I finally had an emotional meltdown and told him I don't feel like he's very happy for our unexpected bundle. His reply? "Sorry, Hon, I'm not!" He thinks he's too old.

My older child has said only one sentence to me since I told her the news: "You're going to be an old mom." They feel I have ruined their lives. I feel ... happy. How do I get them to warm up to this new addition to the family? -- OLD MAMA IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR "OLD" MAMA: According to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth by the Guttmacher Institute, in 2001, 49 percent of pregnancies in the United States were unintended. Among women aged 15 to 44, the unintended pregnancy rate was 51 per 1,000 women.

So remind your husband that this pregnancy didn't happen "magically"; he was an equal partner. He may have had other plans in mind for the next 20 years than raising another child, so his feelings are understandable. While it would be nice if he felt differently about the latest addition to the family, he might perk up if you point out that there are many older dads these days, and many older moms, too.

As to your daughter's attitude, she will be out of the house and gone soon, so don't take personally that she's not over the moon about the changes that are coming. If you maintain a positive attitude, your enthusiasm will be contagious.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 53, work in an office six to eight hours a day, and then come home to cook dinner and do household chores.

My husband, "Todd," is 48. He works eight to 10 hours a day and expects sex three to four times a week. I'm exhausted and can't do it anymore!

My best friend, "Mavis," has been a widow for five years. She tells me she's going crazy because she hasn't had sex in all this time. She asked if I'd share Todd just one night a week. Mavis isn't pretty, but she has a very shapely figure. Frankly, I'm ready to agree, but I haven't mentioned it to Todd.

If my husband agrees, it would take a lot of pressure off me and I could sure use the rest. What are your thoughts on this arrangement? -- NEEDS A BREAK IN PHOENIX

DEAR NEEDS A BREAK: Please find another way to take a break. What you're contemplating would likely be the beginning of the end of your marriage. You may think you'd be "safe" because Mavis isn't pretty, but to quote Benjamin Franklin, "In the dark, all cats are gray." If you're tired, let Mavis help with the chores -- but not this one.

DEAR ABBY: I wish there was some way to make families understand that because someone has been widowed, we don't stop caring about them. So why do they stop inviting us to family functions? Is it because they didn't care for us in the first place? -- LEFT OUT IN IOWA

DEAR LEFT OUT: There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer to your question. However, I suspect that in many cases it's because the widow's presence is a painful reminder of the family member who is "missing."

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