DEAR ABBY: I am severely myopic and can't see without my prescription eyewear. Yet people continually ask me if they can "borrow" my glasses to read the menu. (I work as a hostess.) Abby, my glasses are not reading glasses; they are my eyes -- literally. When I explain this, I get snorts, grunts and muttered comments that I am "rude."

My husband says I should let them try on my glasses and cut out the explanation, as they would immediately realize that they can't see through them. I disagree. I think it is inappropriate to even ask, let alone become offended when I politely refuse.

Abby, I would like to explain the concept of reading glasses versus prescription eyewear: Most people do not walk around with reading glasses fully on their face. Reading glasses are often halfway down the nose or hanging around a person's neck so they don't impair his or her distance vision. If someone is wearing glasses full on their face -- they're usually not reading glasses. If a person is wearing glasses, do not ask to borrow them. Instead, ask if there is a pair of reading glasses at the wait station or host stand. -- THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND

DEAR "BLIND": I'm printing your letter, but I warn you -- there are none so blind as those who will not see. For a stranger to expect to borrow someone's glasses is presumptuous. If the bows were bent or the lenses were broken, you'd be in serious trouble.

Talk to your employer about keeping a magnifying glass or several pairs of reading glasses in various strengths available for patrons who have forgotten theirs. Many restaurants do. With our aging demographic, it's good business, because people order more when they can see the menu.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female manager in a male-dominated field, and a high-level corporate executive. I am good at what I do, but sometimes I become impatient with subordinates who don't "get it" like I do. I admit I prefer the company of some over others.

Several years ago, a friendship with a subordinate turned into something more. I was -- and still am -- married with children. During this time I had to discharge another employee for substandard performance. Since he left he has sent me several unsolicited emails in which he has suggested that he knows about the affair I had with his former co-worker and feels he didn't receive fair treatment because of it.

My former lover is no longer with the company, and I have done everything I can to put this behind me. I still worry, however, that the employee I let go may someday make the company aware of my indiscretions, or worse, my family. Abby, is there anything I can do to set the whole thing right? -- THREATENED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR THREATENED: Let me get this straight. You say you are good at your job as a manager, but you lose patience with subordinates who don't "get" things as quickly as you do -- and play favorites among the employees in your department. If that's not a hostile work environment, it's at least one that's very unpleasant. And you had an affair with one of them? Didn't you know that you were leaving your company open to a lawsuit for sexual harassment? It appears that when you assumed the title of manager, you exceeded your level of competence.

You have gotten yourself into a jam from which I can't extricate you. Go to your superiors and tell them about the emails so the company can protect itself from a possible lawsuit for wrongful termination. Stop deluding yourself and face the consequences of any indiscretion you have made because you have placed not only yourself, but also your employer, in jeopardy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old single male. I teach an adult Sunday school class. Two women who have joined our group have made it plain they would like to have a romantic relationship with me.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'd like to meet someone special, too, but I'm not certain this is the right way. Please advise. -- TROUBLED TEACHER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TROUBLED TEACHER: Tell the women you have a policy that you do not date your students. To do otherwise would be distracting and disruptive to the class. Once they have "graduated," there is nothing to stop you from dating both of them. One may turn out to be that someone special you have been looking for, but if she's not, you'll have saved everyone from unnecessary drama.

DEAR ABBY: We are a gay couple who have been together for 37 years. We were recently invited to the wedding of a close nephew in San Antonio. The invitation was addressed to us both, and we flew 5,000 miles to attend.

At the ceremony, my partner, "Alan," was seated in front with the groom's family. While we were being shown to our seats, I was told by the groom's father, "Sorry. You can sit somewhere else." Alan and I were deeply offended.

How should we express our displeasure and prevent this from happening again when the niece marries? Do we have a right to say anything? -- SNUBBED IN HONOLULU

DEAR SNUBBED: Of course you do. The groom's father was extremely rude to separate you. The person who issued the wedding invitation should be informed of how offensive it was. And if it happens again, the two of you should respond, "We are a couple, and we sit together."

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a cancer survivor who is doing well. When a friend or relative learns she had cancer, a common response is, "Yeah, I knew someone who had the same kind of cancer. It was awful. It came back six months later and he/she died an agonizing, terrible death."

Abby, it's hard to remain polite around such thoughtless, moronic individuals when they blurt out something like this in my wife's presence. I can't imagine the fear she must experience hearing such remarks. Can you offer an effective retort? -- BAFFLED BY THE IGNORANCE

DEAR BAFFLED: Remarks such as you have described usually are made when people don't know what to say, so they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. A polite response would be, "Thanks for your concern. My wife is doing great."

Of course the appropriate thing for friends and relatives to say would be, "I'm so glad you're better -- I care about you and I was worried." To raise the subject of someone who died from the disease is inappropriate and extremely insensitive. There's an old Portuguese proverb: Never mention a rope in the house of a man who has been hanged. It definitely applies here.

DEAR ABBY: While I understand "Loose and Baggy in San Francisco's" (April 23) mother's wish to get the most out of her daughter's clothing budget, as one whose career has been studying the social psychology of appearance, I disagree with your response. A girl's early teen years are crucial to her development of self-image and overall self-esteem. This is a major reason for their obsession with their appearance.

Parents who want to assist their daughters through the quagmire of appearance-related issues associated with these years should work with their daughters by being open to their needs, yet not allow them to exceed boundaries of decency, etc. A 13-year-old who wants clothing that fits should be accommodated. Otherwise, she stands to become ashamed of her appearance, inclined to act out through her appearance once she gains control over what she wears, and be overly obsessed with it well beyond her teen years. -- KAREN KAIGLER-WALKER, PH.D. BURBANK, CALIF.

DEAR DR. KAIGLER-WALKER: Thank you for your opinion. Many readers also empathized with "Loose and Baggy." Read on for their views on the subject:

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problems when I was 13. My mom always made me buy clothes that were too large, too long, etc. But my grandmother was a clever seamstress who helped "nip and tuck" the extra material away until I needed it. She could also add new cool-looking details to the clothes. "Loose and Baggy" may also have a relative with a talent for clothing alterations, or if not, she most likely has a tailor or alteration shop nearby.

I'm 15 now and still have many of the same clothes. It has saved money in the long run because we can just let the stitches out instead of buying new clothes. At 13, she still has some room for growth. -- GRANDDAUGHTER OF A TOP-LEVEL TAILOR

DEAR ABBY: I empathize with "Loose and Baggy." When my mom and I would go shopping, it always ended in a big fight with me in tears. I was teased mercilessly by the other children for dressing like a "40-year-old" and never had the cool things the other kids were wearing even though my clothes cost just as much.

I vowed never to do that with my daughter, and by the time she was 12 she was shopping for her own clothes. Our only rule was that she had to follow the three B's -- no butt, no boobs and no belly. At 16 she has an amazing sense of fashion and is often emulated. "Loose and Baggy" should be given some boundaries and then allowed to buy what she wants. -- REFORMED FRUMP IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was younger, she had specific style tastes that included expensive, trendy clothes. I implemented a budget that allowed her to have a set amount of money on the first day of the new season. The money was given to her in cash or, later, in her checking account. She was responsible for budgeting the amount herself for her clothes during that season.

Because of this she has learned how to manage money, shop "high end" on sale and roll over unused amounts to the next season. She has become a responsible teenager who understands the value of the dollar. She also trades outfits with her friends -- or consigns them to resale stores. "Loose and Baggy" sounds like part of the "entitlement" generation and probably would learn more if she was part of the solution. -- SMART MOM/SMART DAUGHTER