DEAR ABBY: Because my 90-year-old mother is homebound, she qualifies for a meal program through a senior charity service. The program is free of charge for those in need. She didn't like some of the meals, so she asked me to give them to my father-in-law, "Louis."

Louis is 88. He still drives and is well-off, so he doesn't qualify for the program, but he accepted the meals that were offered. My mother has now decided she can no longer eat any of these meals, so I told her we should discontinue the program.

When I mentioned it to my wife, she became very upset with me, saying her father appreciated those meals. I reminded her that her father is able to drive himself to the supermarket and buy frozen dinners similar to what is being provided through the service. My wife is so angry she now says she will never again share any leftovers with my mother. It's an understatement to say this situation has created a major fight between us.

Is my wife correct in being upset about my discontinuing the meal service? -- CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME

DEAR CHARITY: It wasn't wrong to offer the meals that had already been delivered to your mother to your father-in-law after she rejected them. They probably could not have been redistributed to other seniors by the food program at that point.

But to continue your mother's food service while redirecting them to someone who is not in need is dishonest. It's stealing necessary resources from people who truly need them.

Because your wife is upset, she should contact the agency that provides the meals, or another agency that serves seniors, and see if her father qualifies. But she shouldn't punish you for refusing to go along with a deception.

DEAR ABBY: Twice, while attending social funtions, my wife and I met couples for the first time. On each of these occasions as we were saying goodbye, the husbands said to me, "Your wife is gorgeous." They said it in front of their wives, which surprised me. The first time it happened, I didn't know what to say. The second time, I replied, "So is yours," even though the women weren't all that attractive.

I'm wondering if their comments were appropriate, especially because they were made in the presence of their wives. I wasn't offended, just caught off-guard and felt uncomfortable for their wives. I'd appreciate your comments. -- MARRIED TO A KNOCKOUT

DEAR MARRIED TO A KNOCKOUT: Not only do you have a gorgeous wife, but your wife is blessed with a sensitive husband. The comments those individuals made strike me as insensitive to the feelings of their wives because it invited a comparison which could have made the women feel uncomfortable. I think you handled both situations gallantly.

DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when someone signs his/her name with a "Just" in front of it? I received a Mother's Day card from my in-laws (with whom I don't have a good relationship) and it was signed, "Just Bob and Diane."

I have not seen anyone do this before, and was curious if this was another form of my mother-in-law's cattiness or my ignorance. -- SINCERELY YOURS IN SAVANNAH

DEAR SINCERELY: If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that Bob and Diane may have a bit of a self-esteem problem. Or they're telling you you don't make them feel very important. Could that be true?

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old man who is in love with a 45-year-old woman. She was married for 20 years and has three children. She was separated for two years before we started dating.

She and her ex are extremely civil, and she spends nights at his house in order to see the children. I support her in this because I don't ever want her to feel like I'm making her choose. Her ex doesn't want her back, nor does she want to reconcile. They are friends.

This morning she had an appointment with a divorce lawyer and came home saying she isn't ready to do it. She's afraid her ex will become vindictive and use the kids as leverage. I told her there are custody arrangements that protect both parents. She says she loves me, but she's worried that it isn't fair for me. I told her relationships aren't always "fair." She expressed that when she's with her kids she misses me and vice-versa.

I don't know what to say or do. I love her, but how do I comfort her? -- STANDING BY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STANDING BY: Your lady friend may be separated from her husband, but she's not yet ready to move on. Or, the lawyer may have said something that frightened her. You're doing all you can to comfort her. But she may need professional counseling and more time before she's ready to take the next step and end the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband comes from a line of men in his family who don't like to go to the doctor. I can't remember the last time he went for a physical. He puts off going even when he has an ailment.

We have three young children, and I'm genuinely concerned that my husband could one day have a sudden health emergency or a life-threatening illness that could have been prevented if it had been discovered in time. We love him with all our hearts and just want him to get an annual physical to stay healthy and be with us for many, many years to come. PLEASE help him see the importance of regular exams. -- LOVING WIFE IN OHIO

DEAR LOVING WIFE: Let's do it together. There are reasons why men have a shorter life expectancy than women in this country. I'm sad to say that one of them is fear of going to the doctor. Because today is Father's Day, remind your husband that he has a family who loves him and needs him healthy. Remind your husband that if anything should happen to him he would leave all of you not only heartbroken but also likely struggling financially. He needs to understand that the greatest gift he can give all of you would be to schedule an appointment with his physician for a baseline checkup.

DEAR READERS: I offer good wishes not only to fathers everywhere, but also to those caring individuals who donate their time to mentor youngsters whose fathers are absent or deceased.

Many readers have asked me for a prayer in memory of a father who is no longer living. The following prayer is from the Hebrew Union Prayer Book, and is recited on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is also available in my "Keepers" booklet:

IN MEMORY OF A FATHER

"Thy memory, my dear father, fills my soul at this solemn hour. It revives in me thoughts of the love and friendliness which thou didst bestow upon me. The thought of these inspires me to a life of virtue; and when my pilgrimage on earth is ended and I shall arrive at the throne of mercy, may I be worthy of thee in the sight of God and man. May our merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou has ever shown me; may He grant thee eternal peace. Amen."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a great guy, "Jonah," for four months. We get along well and enjoy a lot of the same things. At times he can be jealous when other men notice me, but we have never had arguments about it. Only one thing about me really bothers him -- it's my infatuation with actor Mark Wahlberg.

Jonah is so upset about it he refuses to see any of Mark's films with me and gets annoyed when I mention him. It irks me because I know being with Mark isn't a realistic option, but Jonah acts like it is. What can I say to make him see that he (Jonah) is the only one I want to be with and Mark is just a fantasy? -- STAR-CROSSED LOVER

DEAR STAR-CROSSED: You may have said too much already. Stop bringing up Mark Wahlberg and see his films in the company of your girlfriends. While Jonah may be a "great guy," he appears to be somewhat insecure, which is why he becomes jealous when another man notices you. And insecure men can become irrational and controlling, so monitor his behavior and do not make any commitments until you both have matured.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married at the end of the summer. It will be a formal wedding. I have a biological father I see once or twice a year, and a stepfather who has been a big part of my life.

I would prefer my stepfather to walk me down the aisle, but I feel guilty about what my biological father and other relatives might think. Should I worry about their opinions or just do what makes me comfortable? -- TOUCHY DECISION IN OHIO

DEAR TOUCHY DECISION: You shouldn't worry about their "opinions" as much as their feelings. Talk with both of your fathers about this. And if there would be hurt feelings, consider having your biological father walk you halfway down the aisle and your stepfather take you the rest of the way to the altar if you feel closer to him.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Melanie" is finishing her master's degree in social work. She's excited about pursuing her future career; however, when we tell our friends about her, we get disappointing -- and sometimes, hurtful -- responses. Some samples: "Whose idea was that?!" "You know she's going to starve, don't you?" "Oh ... they don't make much money," and, "I'm sorry!" These comments come from people with whom we've had warm relationships for years.

We know our daughter won't be rich. That's not her objective. We're proud of Melanie's choice and how hard she has prepared. We think she'll be a wonderful social worker. We have always been supportive of our friends' children and their choices. Is there a way to respond to these people without being rude? -- PROUD PARENTS IN DES MOINES

DEAR PROUD PARENTS: You should be proud. You have raised a daughter who will make an important contribution to the lives of those she touches. When someone makes a thoughtless comment such as the ones you mentioned, tell them what you wrote to me: "We're proud of our daughter's choice and how hard she has worked to prepare. We know she'll be a wonderful social worker." Period.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)