DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee and happy with my life. I'm healthy, have a great job, wonderful grown children, many good friends and several hobbies I enjoy. I'm busy and every day is full.

My issue is the way some people treat the fact that I'm "solo." When they see me, they ask whether I have a man in my life yet, and when I say I don't, they look downcast and offer me their sympathy.

Please tell your readers that for a woman to be solo isn't a tragedy. Certainly, I hope one day to meet someone wonderful to share my life with, but until then I'm happy to be on my own. I'm doing great and I don't like people treating me as if my being single is some sort of failure. -- PARTY OF ONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PARTY OF ONE: If I had to wager, I would bet the people you've described are older. For people in their generation there was social and economic pressure to couple up and be married. With more women completing their education and earning enough to live well on their own, there is less of that pressure today.

I'm passing your message along, but try to remember that the folks you're encountering mean well -- even if their way of expressing it is outdated and clumsy.

DEAR ABBY: A new church member joined our group. She's the nicest, most generous, genuinely kind person, and she is loved and appreciated by all.

The problem is, she reeks with an awful body odor. She breeds dogs, and the smell is ingrained in her clothing, hair, car, etc. She always volunteers to work in the kitchen, and yesterday she did -- in spite of my having politely told her we had enough volunteers. Many of the people didn't want what she touched, including me. How should we approach telling her about her body odor without offending or hurting her? -- CONFUSED CHRISTIAN IN DETROIT

DEAR CONFUSED CHRISTIAN: The woman's strong body odor may be because of poor hygiene or her profession, but it could also be a symptom of illness. Someone should talk to her about it. To do so would be doing her a favor and not hurtful. The person I'm nominating for that job would be your minister.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man I'll call Eugene for many years. We have both been married before and we both have children. We're engaged, but if I marry him, I know I will never be No. 1 in his life. His children and family will always come first.

I don't know what his former wife did to him, but shouldn't your spouse rank somewhere at the top? I have a lot of time invested in this relationship. His children have no connection with me at all. This doesn't bother Eugene. It bothers me greatly. Can these types of issues be worked out? -- FRIEND WITHOUT BENEFITS

DEAR FRIEND: Yes, if you and Eugene are willing to admit there are issues that need to be worked out and are willing to get premarital counseling. While Eugene's children -- and yours -- might always come first, if you are going to have a successful marriage you should rank right up there with them. While you may never have an emotional tie with his children, you deserve to be treated with the same kindness and respect that you give them. And if that's not happening, Eugene should insist upon it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Beth," has finally found her "Mr. Right" after almost 35 years of singlehood. She is being married soon and I am thrilled for her. Over the last 15 years, I have been her sounding board. I have been through every date, every kiss, every heartbreak and every broken engagement with a string of men.

Beth has invited me to the wedding, but she hasn't asked me to stand up for her. Because we live 2,000 miles apart, we talk frequently on the phone and I keep waiting for her to ask, but she never brings up the subject. It's like the elephant in the living room. Beth knows I can afford the trip, so money isn't a concern. Should I tell her my feelings are hurt or ask her who is going to stand up for her? Or should I follow my husband's advice and just "let it go"? -- BROKEN-HEARTED FRIEND IN OREGON

DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED FRIEND: You may be close friends with Beth, but it's presumptuous to expect you have the right to dictate who should be in her wedding party. Please don't lay a guilt trip on her by saying your feelings are hurt. A better way to have your question answered would be to ask who they plan to have in their wedding party. Then once you have your answer, take your husband's advice. Let it go and don't let it destroy a long-term relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Eric," has a fear of heights. He doesn't like glass elevators, never uses hotel balconies or drives on winding mountain roads. His parents were the same way.

The problem is he won't allow our young daughter to stand on the balcony, and he recently cut down our favorite mature tree because he was afraid our little girl would fall out of it. How can I stop my husband from passing on his phobia to our daughter? I have been patient with him, but cutting down the tree told me he has gone off the deep end. Please help. -- RATIONAL WIFE

DEAR RATIONAL WIFE: A phobia is defined as "an inexplicable or illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects or situation." There's nothing illogical about keeping a small child off a balcony or out of a tall tree. However, cutting down the tree was an overreaction.

As much as Eric loves the child, he can't protect her from everything he perceives as a possible danger. He could have accomplished his goal of keeping her safe by impressing upon her that tree-climbing is dangerous -- something that's off-limits -- and explaining exactly why.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a waitress for many years. Some of my past employers have had policies regarding discussing our tips. My current job has no such policy.

One of my co-workers likes to let everyone know how much he earns. I don't hear anyone else announcing their tips. Someone will always make less, and won't find it helpful having it confirmed out loud.

I don't know how to let my co-worker know this without seeming like I'm being critical. Your advice would be appreciated. -- WAITRESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WAITRESS: It's never a good idea to brag about money because it can create resentment among co-workers. Because your restaurant has no policy regarding this, speak to the manager about establishing one. Or, post this column on the employee bulletin board for all to see.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old senior in college. Much of college social life revolves around alcohol. I have no problem drinking responsibly, but I take medication that prohibits me from imbibing alcohol.

Strangers and friends often ask, "Why aren't you drinking?" They either assume it's for religious reasons or I'm uptight. Saying I'm on meds seems like a bit of a buzz-kill.

This is particularly troublesome when I'm invited "out for drinks" at a bar. I never know what to order or say. I hate feeling like I'm obligated to drink, but I don't want to pass on events because of the awkward questions.

What's a quick reply I can give to those who ask why I don't drink? And how can I go out for drinks without actually drinking? -- STILL SOCIABLE AT STANFORD

DEAR STILL SOCIABLE: Order a "virgin" whatever you're being offered. There are many reasons why people don't drink. Among them: They don't like the taste, they don't like the buzz, the empty calories, they're allergic, they don't want to risk a traffic violation with alcohol in their system, or they never started drinking in the first place. To imbibe or not is a personal choice. It's OK to be different. And if you're challenged, it's perfectly fine to just say, "No thanks!"

DEAR ABBY: We live in a very nice neighborhood frequented by walkers and runners. For the second time in just a few months, several women who regularly walk past our home have approached me at neighborhood events to ask about items I can only think were found in our recycling bin. Specifically, how did I like a particular brand of pasta sauce, or would I recommend that bottle of chardonnay?

Abby, our recycling bins have lids and our bin is never left open, which means these women must be peeking inside to check out our eating and drinking habits. I am now so self-conscious about our recycling I have begun burying bottles and cans under the newspaper and watching the bin to catch them in the act. My husband suggested leaving a nasty note on top of our recyclables. Any suggestions? -- FOR OUR EYES ONLY IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR EYES ONLY: Once garbage is put out for collection it is no longer private property. A certain celebrity was embarrassed to learn this firsthand when some paparazzi rooted through her garbage and discovered to their glee some empty containers of meds to treat a private health matter.

It's possible the walkers are just trying to be friendly and strike up a conversation. But if your suspicions are correct, there are several ways to handle the situation. The first would be to delay putting out your recyclables until just before they are to be collected. Another would be to visit a novelty shop and pick up some fake hands or feet -- or a large rubber rat -- and place . them strategically in one of your bins. Or, affix "sweet" Post-It notes to your jars and bottles reading, "This was great!" or, "Don't waste your money ..."

If that doesn't discourage them from inventorying your trash, then there's always the direct approach. Respond with, "Why do you ask?" And when they tell you, let them know how you feel about their answer.