DEAR ABBY: I dislike the prevalence of plastic surgery and Botox in today's society. It sends young people a bad message on body image.

My friend "Liz's" stepmother loudly discussed her own daughter's nose job, chin implant and "boob job" with Liz's teenage daughter while at dinner in a public restaurant where everyone could hear.

My sister "Beth" told her son and daughter she'd gladly pay for new noses for them. They were offended because they are happy with their looks. (At least, they were until their mother denigrated them.)

Both of my sisters have had plastic surgery. They can afford it and that's their business. But they make it our business by publicly congratulating each other on how well they have "aged."

What do you think about this, Abby? Am I right? -- NATURAL WOMAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NATURAL WOMAN: Plastic surgery has been a blessing to many people because it has lifted not only drooping flesh but sagging self-esteem. I see nothing wrong with someone getting a nose job if it will help the person feel more confident. Your sister's offer to pay for her children's rhinoplasty may have had more to do with her own insecurity than either of her children's.

Cosmetic surgery and Botox are facts of life in our society for those who can afford it. Botox is common for both men and women who want to lessen or avoid signs of aging. I think what's upsetting you is your sisters' dishonesty. When they publicly congratulate each other on how well they have aged, they're not only lying to whoever overhears them -- they're also lying to themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and granddaughter are going to be in a wedding scheduled for the summer of 2012. The bride seems to have watched too many wedding shows on TV, because she keeps scheduling bridesmaids luncheons and has required her attendants to go to many bridal expos with her -- even though the vendors have all been booked. The shop where the bridesmaids are buying their dresses is very expensive.

I understand the bride wants it to be a special day, but it's more than a year away and my daughter is a stay-at-home mother of two. She doesn't have the time or money to continue participating in these events. She asked me if she should back out now or level with the bride that some of her requests are a little over the top.

My daughter wants to support her friend, and doesn't want her to think she's trying to run the show by suggesting alternate places to look for less expensive dresses, since she'll have to purchase two. What do I tell her? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDESMAID

DEAR MOTHER: Friends should be able to level with each other -- otherwise they aren't friends, they are acquaintances. If the bride's schedule of events is more than your daughter can handle, she needs to speak up. If the dresses will cause financial hardship, the bride needs to know so she can either scale back the cost or find replacements for whomever is supposed to wear them. If this is not agreeable for the bride, your daughter can "support" her friend with the rest of the wedding guests. She does not have to be a member of the wedding party to do that.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old niece "Tammy" is very shy. When I recently visited my brother's home, she hid in her parents' bedroom behind a closed door. She wouldn't come out to say hi or even speak to me through the door.

Today I was on the phone with my sister-in-law and I asked if I could say hello to Tammy. I was told Tammy had left the room because she didn't want to talk. My sister-in-law then remarked that she has the shiest kids on Earth.

I think Tammy's parents should MAKE her speak to me (or anyone else) in person or on the phone. Am I wrong? -- OUTGOING AUNT IN TEXAS

DEAR OUTGOING AUNT: Tammy's behavior is rude, and her mother is covering for her. If Tammy has such overwhelming social anxiety that she cannot exchange even the briefest social amenities, she needs the help of a therapist to help her overcome it.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in a medical office for a number of years. We all get along like a family and there are rarely any problems. However, something has been bothering me since one of my co-workers' (unmarried) daughter had a baby.

We all bought gifts for the baby and tolerate the many pictures and recitation of day-to-day events of the baby, but now the first birthday is here. I received an invitation and was told what they would like to receive, plus a wallet photo of the child and a larger photo with a magnet on it.

Many of us have grandchildren, but we have never gone overboard this way. I would never impose an invitation on my co-workers to attend any of my grandchildren's birthday parties. My feeling is that grandchildren parties are for families! What to do? -- FRETTING IN OHIO

DEAR FRETTING: Fret no more. Politely decline the invitation and say you have other plans. (You do -- you plan not to attend or be milked for a gift.) Stand firm now, because if you don't, you will be invited to every birthday party the kid has until he or she is an adult.

DEAR ABBY: We are progressive parents, but conservative about social issues. We have a problem on which we disagree and we have agreed to abide by your answer.

Our three children are all in high school. Our older daughter has a good friend -- a boy who is gay. We like him very much and he has visited our home many times. However, our daughter would like to invite him to a sleepover, as she does with her girlfriends.

Is it appropriate for a teenage girl to have a gay boyfriend on a sleepover? -- PUZZLED PARENTS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR PUZZLED PARENTS: I see no reason why an "out" gay teenage boy shouldn't attend your daughter's sleepover. Their relationship is the same as the ones she has with her girlfriends.

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's OK to read over someone's shoulder. I have tried explaining that I think it's rude, but he says I'm rude for asking him not to do it. He thinks I have something to hide if I tell him to stop. What say you? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN OHIO

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: I say you married a man who is insecure and suspicious, and you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Alisa," has earned a scholarship to participate in a month-long summer language program in Turkey. As soon as my sister "June" found out I was allowing Alisa to attend, she called me a moron. She has been giving me the silent treatment for almost a month. June is terrified my daughter will be a victim of terrorists, a plane crash, kidnapping or worse.

Alisa has consistently proven she is trustworthy and responsible. After some research I determined the country and the program are safe. Alisa will be traveling with a small group of students and three adult chaperones who are native to the host country.

Our mother was afraid of everything, and I don't want to pass that kind of irrational fear on to Alisa after she worked so hard to earn a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that could shape the course of her life. Am I really a poor parent for allowing my child to travel halfway around the world? I feel I made the right decision. -- STUNNED SISTER IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR STUNNED SISTER: A poor parent? Not at all. You would be one if you caved in to your sister's emotional blackmail. Taking this trip is a privilege your daughter worked hard for, and seeing firsthand that there is a world filled with interesting, good people will open her mind to opportunities and possibilities that few people her age are able to experience.

DEAR ABBY: My wife uses her hands to push her food around her dinner plate and onto her fork or spoon. I see her do this at almost every meal, and usually say nothing. But every once in a while I feel compelled to ask her to stop using her hands to eat. When I do she says I'm "rude" to even take notice of how she eats and mention it.

Am I rude? I was brought up in a blue-collar home, and whenever I touched my food with my hands, or put my elbows on the table, I got a slap from one of my older brothers or sister. -- MINDED MY MANNERS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MINDED YOUR MANNERS: It appears your wife was raised in a household where good table manners weren't as important to her family as they were to yours. According to Emily Post: "If a piece of food keeps eluding your fork, don't push it onto the tines with your finger. Instead, use a piece of bread or your knife as a pusher." (Italics are mine.) Share this with your wife and the situation may improve.

DEAR ABBY: How do your readers feel about the words "soul mate"? I never imagined those words would cross my mind until recently -- and I'm not talking about my spouse. Is it possible to feel someone is your soul mate without knowing the feelings are reciprocated?

There are many roadblocks in the way of a relationship with my soul mate -- but I know I'd have to wait another lifetime for the kind of relationship I feel could exist with this other person. Comments, Abby? -- PONDERING IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR PONDERING: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, 11th Edition, defines "soul mate" n. (1822) as "a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs." The American Heritage Dictionary, Fourth Edition, defines soul mate as "one of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view or sensitivity."

While you are pondering, please ponder this: When you married your spouse, I'm hoping you felt you had much in common and thought you could build a successful future together. If you have lost that connection, try to rebuild it before sacrificing your marriage because the grass looks greener somewhere else. And if the object of your preoccupation is not aware of your feelings, please don't destroy your marriage over what may be a one-way crush.