DEAR ABBY: At age 60 my mother ignores basic safety rules. She drives her older model car with the doors unlocked. I have tried explaining that she's making it easy for a carjacker to gain entry, but she insists "that won't happen to me."

Mom walks her dog alone at night and leaves her front door unlocked, claiming, "If anyone tried to get in, I'd see them." Not true. She goes for long walks, and while she's walking, she chats on her cell phone, completely oblivious to what's going on around her.

She actually nailed a key ring with the key to her back door (labeled as such) outside next to the door. Anyone could scale the short fence and walk right in. She also leaves the key to her front door under the mat on her front porch for anyone to find.

Mom makes me crazy with worry. I don't know if she's aware of the risks she's taking. I have begged her to lock her door and hide the keys, but she says I am "paranoid" and that nothing could ever happen.

Now she has bought a gun and claims it will keep her safe. I say it's better to exercise common sense and prevent the break-in and possible assault in the first place.

At age 30 I feel like I'M the parent. Am I being unreasonable? -- WORRIED SICK IN DALLAS

DEAR WORRIED SICK: Your mother appears to be incredibly naive and in a state of complete denial. The first rule of personal safety is to remember that criminals seek easy targets -- so the more difficult it is for them to make you a victim, the lower your risk for becoming one.

Contact your police department (or your mother's neighborhood watch program) and ask if they have any personal safety literature you can give your mother. The life you save may be her own.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your husband doesn't like your best girlfriend? She keeps asking us to go on double dates and vacations. Should I be honest and tell her he doesn't like her, or continue to make excuses? It really gets on my nerves. -- IN A PICKLE IN OHIO

DEAR IN A PICKLE: When someone continually makes suggestions about getting together socially, even when those suggestions are consistently deflected, it's time to level. The next time it happens, tell her that it isn't going to happen. You don't have to tell her your husband "doesn't like her." Say he "isn't comfortable" double dating or taking vacations as a foursome and that you would like to keep things just as they are, ladies only.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter watches TV sitcoms along with her precocious 4-year-old son who is being exposed to many "adult" themes, terms and politically incorrect infractions. She doesn't see the harm. Do you? -- NOT A TV FAN

DEAR NOT A TV FAN: Yes, I do. Your daughter's parenting skills leave something to be desired. At a time when she should be entertaining and enriching her son, she's entertaining herself. There are books she could read with him and programs they could view together that would expand both their intellects. It's a shame she's not availing herself of them.

Will this harm the boy? Maybe not. But she's not helping her son grow intellectually and creatively, either.

DEAR ABBY: In the past, I made several seriously awful decisions about guys. I also spent two years in high school off and on with a young man who only made my life dramatic and exhausting. Now that I'm a freshman in college, I have encountered several guys I'd love to have a relationship with, but I feel unworthy.

Because of my bad decisions and the fact that I knew these guys before they attended school with me here, I'm worried my past will catch up with me and they'll think I'm still the way I was back then. I have been working on cleaning up my language, and I have sworn off drugs and alcohol trying to make myself more appealing.

Some of my friends have told me I shouldn't have to change who I am for "some guy." Are they right? What should I do to make a connection with one of these young men? -- UNDESERVING IN IDAHO

DEAR UNDESERVING: If these friends are implying that it's all right to drink, use drugs, use foul language and do things with guys that you're ashamed of later, then it's time to change friends.

I believe in the philosophy of constant self-improvement. When you improve yourself to the point that you are proud of yourself, you will attract men who have more to offer than the ones you were involved with in high school.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, manners were taught at home, but now it seems etiquette has been placed on the back burner. As an elementary school teacher, I try to emphasize the importance of good manners, and I'm amazed and disappointed at the lack of interest from the parents of my students. They don't seem to appreciate the importance of a "Thank you," "Yes, Ma'am," "No, Sir," etc.

I am frustrated by the lack of instruction my students receive at home and at the poor manners shown by others in our community. Have you any ideas on how to bring this much-needed skill back to the forefront? -- DOING MY BEST IN AMARILLO

DEAR DOING YOUR BEST: You have described parents who are not doing their jobs, or who were never taught basic good manners themselves. How sad for the children.

Years ago, parents taught children the "magic" of the words "please" and "thank you" in how their requests were received. Because your students haven't been so fortunate, you are right to deliver that life lesson to them in the classroom. After spending a year with you, they will have it down pat. As for their parents, face it -- it's too late.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend has asked me to be a groomsman in his wedding. The problem is, the bachelor party will be in Las Vegas. Ordinarily that wouldn't be an issue, but there is no date set yet for the party. The wedding is in September, so I assume the bachelor party will be in August.

I recently bought an engagement ring for my girlfriend, and I also am hosting my brother's bachelor party in late August. I honestly can't afford a trip to Vegas at this time, especially with short notice. What's the proper protocol? Do I find a way to come up with the money? How do I let my friend know I can't make it without getting him upset? -- FULL CALENDAR IN PHILLY

DEAR FULL CALENDAR: The proper protocol is to tell your friend ASAP that you cannot attend the bachelor party for the valid reasons you shared with me. You not only do not have the money to make the trip, but you also have a prior family commitment. Your friend may be disappointed, but if he becomes upset, that's his problem, so please do not make it yours.

P.S. If he's truly a friend he'll understand.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend "Zoe" is unable to have children. She tried in vitro four times without success. The doctors told her there's nothing else they can do. Her uterus is not able to carry a child to term.

Zoe and her husband have decided to adopt. However, it is very expensive and all of their savings went toward the IVF treatments. Zoe's mom wants to have a benefit to raise money for them. I am against the idea because, in my opinion, benefits are given for something you don't choose (like cancer or a house fire). Adopting a child is a choice.

I live paycheck-to-paycheck as it is, and I don't feel comfortable donating to this cause. What if they change their minds after the benefit or the adoption doesn't work out? What will they do with the money then?

Is what they're planning acceptable? Am I wrong to feel this way? I know I'll be talked about by Zoe and her mother if I don't contribute. -- FRIEND IN CONFLICT

DEAR FRIEND IN CONFLICT: Whether Zoe and her mother retaliate by gossiping about you is beside the point. I see nothing wrong with a benefit.

If Zoe and her husband can't afford to adopt a baby, another option they might consider is becoming foster parents. There are thousands of children who need good homes and loving parents and that, to me, would be the perfect solution. Please suggest it to them. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck, then you do not have money to donate to this cause or any other right now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old student who works. Recently, I was talking with a co-worker about life, the economy and tough times. As we conversed I mentioned that I use hand soap as shampoo and body wash to save money. A few days later, during my lunch hour, I found grocery bags containing toiletries in the back of my vehicle. I didn't say anything about it to him, but he mentioned "seeing someone" put something in my car.

I feel uneasy about this. I didn't mean to throw a pity party. I'm unsure whether to accept this "anonymous" gift. It was a nice gesture, but I don't want it to become a regular occurrence. Should I say something? -- HAVE MY PRIDE IN ARIZONA

DEAR HAS YOUR PRIDE: Yes. Write your co-worker a short note, thanking him for his generous gift. Then say you think he is caring and thoughtful, but you are accepting his gift only as a onetime gesture.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend, "Harold," passed away suddenly from a heart attack. Since we knew his wishes, he was cremated. Harold always hated having his picture taken, so the only photo available for display at his memorial was his driver's license photo, and he looked like a deer in the headlights.

I wish we'd had a few candid shots of Harold to remember him by. I would have loved to have kept one for myself. Please urge your camera-phobic readers to permit family and friends to snap a shot or two of them every once in a while, before it's too late. Thanks. -- MISSING HIM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MISSING HIM: Please accept my condolences. The fear that the only picture available for their memorial would be a driver's license photo (or a mug shot) may convince my camera-shy readers to relent. But don't count on it.

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