DEAR ABBY: I reluctantly signed onto Facebook at the urging of my siblings. The problem is, I am now receiving many replies from people I knew back in college and elsewhere saying how glad they are they have found me, how much they have missed me, and that they would like to catch up. It made me remember that I was very well-liked then, and how when I graduated from college with honors people said I had a bright future.

But now I am nowhere near what I used to be when those people knew me. My life has not been very productive or happy since I moved from the East Coast to California.

I am married to a wonderful man. We have no children, and I have had only sporadic employment over the past few years due to treatment for depression and alcoholism. I'm trying to get better, but it's hard.

Most of those who have written tell me about their children, grandchildren and the career progress they have made in their lives. I can't tell them any of that about myself. Please don't tell me to get counseling. I am. And don't tell me to go to AA meetings. I do. And don't tell me to take medication, because I'm doing that, too.

Just tell me what do I write to all those old friends who seem to have achieved many of the conventional things in life that I haven't. I don't want to say nothing, and I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to tell them the depressing truth, either. -- UNSURE OUT WEST

DEAR UNSURE: Crafting upbeat prose can be difficult when someone is as depressed as you appear to be. But you are getting the help you need and working to pull yourself out of it, and for that I applaud you.

Before composing your Facebook entry, take stock of the positive things you have going for you and make a list. You are married to a wonderful man, you haven't had to work over the past few years, but it hasn't caused serious economic hardship -- although you wouldn't mind re-entering the workforce at some point. If you volunteer in the community, have read an amusing or uplifting poem, mention that, too. In other words, "spin." That's what everyone else on social media does, so don't feel guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Mark," for five years and we have talked about marriage, though we are not officially engaged. For sentimental and financial reasons, I would like to wear my deceased grandmother's engagement ring.

I worry that it may appear presumptuous if I were to ask my father for the ring, especially because I'm technically not engaged yet. I have considered asking my sister if she would suggest the idea to Dad, but I'm not sure about that either.

I'm nervous that Mark might go ahead and buy me a ring in the meantime if Dad hasn't already offered him the ring. Then I wouldn't have the chance to honor my grandmother's memory. How would you suggest I let my wishes be known? -- JITTERY FUTURE BRIDE IN BOSTON

DEAR JITTERY: Let your wishes be known by telling your boyfriend, "Mark, it has always been my dream to wear my grandmother's engagement ring." That will let him know he won't have to buy one for you. But do not approach your father asking for the ring until you are "technically" engaged.

DEAR ABBY: I live down the street from the town cemetery. It contains some old stones from the 1800s that are starting to crumble. This cemetery has become a favorite place for many to walk their dogs or ride their bikes. One woman lets her dog run off-leash and her young daughters play tag around the stones. Another neighbor allowed her children to set off fireworks.

I was taught that in a cemetery, people should behave as if they are in a church. It upsets me to see this place used as a playground. This is a final resting place!

Can you comment on proper etiquette in the cemetery? -- RESPECTFUL IN OHIO

DEAR RESPECTFUL: Who is in charge of the upkeep of the cemetery? That individual should be informed about what's happening, so decorum can be re-established and activities that can cause it to deteriorate can be stopped. The idea that people have been using it as a dog park, where the animals can urinate and defecate on the graves, is appalling.

Cemetery etiquette is simple: Treat the graves as you would the graves of your parents, or as you would like your own to be treated. This includes no loud chatter, in case there are people in mourning there, not walking on the graves, not leaving chewing gum on the gravestones, keeping pets leashed (if they are brought there at all), and teaching children the difference between a cemetery and a playground.

DEAR ABBY: Why do men's pants come in sizes by waist and length and women's don't? I'm tall, and I'd like to find a pair of slacks that fit me off the rack instead of having to rip out seams. Most stores have pants with the same inseam and waist measurements, with the exception of petites. Why can't women's pants come in waist and length sizes as well? -- MITZI IN BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WASH.

DEAR MITZI: Good question. I discussed it with fashion designer Bradley Bayou, who said:

"Historically, women's fashion has always measured women only at the bust, hip and waist. It was considered improper (and unnecessary) to measure an inseam since women were only supposed to wear skirts and dresses. It wasn't until the 1930s and '40s, with Katharine Hepburn and Marlene Dietrich, that it became OK for women to wear pants -- but only when measured by skilled tailors.

"Again, for the dignity of women, 'universal sizing' (short, average or tall) was created as the solution for not measuring a woman's inseam. It also costs less to manufacture women's pants in universal sizing for mass production. Pants with an inseam measurement were kept for higher-end slacks or couture.

"While currently some women's slacks/jeans have an inseam, they're primarily found in a universal size, while men's pants are -- and always will be -- available with an inseam listed."

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I are being married. We plan a small wedding with just family and a few friends. While it won't be in the main sanctuary, we will be having a church wedding in one of the church halls followed by a reception in the same hall. Would it be correct to invite the religious official and/or their partner to stay for the reception? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: It would not only be correct, it would also be thoughtful and gracious to extend an invitation to your officiant and his or her partner to attend your reception.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: At age 60 my mother ignores basic safety rules. She drives her older model car with the doors unlocked. I have tried explaining that she's making it easy for a carjacker to gain entry, but she insists "that won't happen to me."

Mom walks her dog alone at night and leaves her front door unlocked, claiming, "If anyone tried to get in, I'd see them." Not true. She goes for long walks, and while she's walking, she chats on her cell phone, completely oblivious to what's going on around her.

She actually nailed a key ring with the key to her back door (labeled as such) outside next to the door. Anyone could scale the short fence and walk right in. She also leaves the key to her front door under the mat on her front porch for anyone to find.

Mom makes me crazy with worry. I don't know if she's aware of the risks she's taking. I have begged her to lock her door and hide the keys, but she says I am "paranoid" and that nothing could ever happen.

Now she has bought a gun and claims it will keep her safe. I say it's better to exercise common sense and prevent the break-in and possible assault in the first place.

At age 30 I feel like I'M the parent. Am I being unreasonable? -- WORRIED SICK IN DALLAS

DEAR WORRIED SICK: Your mother appears to be incredibly naive and in a state of complete denial. The first rule of personal safety is to remember that criminals seek easy targets -- so the more difficult it is for them to make you a victim, the lower your risk for becoming one.

Contact your police department (or your mother's neighborhood watch program) and ask if they have any personal safety literature you can give your mother. The life you save may be her own.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your husband doesn't like your best girlfriend? She keeps asking us to go on double dates and vacations. Should I be honest and tell her he doesn't like her, or continue to make excuses? It really gets on my nerves. -- IN A PICKLE IN OHIO

DEAR IN A PICKLE: When someone continually makes suggestions about getting together socially, even when those suggestions are consistently deflected, it's time to level. The next time it happens, tell her that it isn't going to happen. You don't have to tell her your husband "doesn't like her." Say he "isn't comfortable" double dating or taking vacations as a foursome and that you would like to keep things just as they are, ladies only.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter watches TV sitcoms along with her precocious 4-year-old son who is being exposed to many "adult" themes, terms and politically incorrect infractions. She doesn't see the harm. Do you? -- NOT A TV FAN

DEAR NOT A TV FAN: Yes, I do. Your daughter's parenting skills leave something to be desired. At a time when she should be entertaining and enriching her son, she's entertaining herself. There are books she could read with him and programs they could view together that would expand both their intellects. It's a shame she's not availing herself of them.

Will this harm the boy? Maybe not. But she's not helping her son grow intellectually and creatively, either.