DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and pregnant. The father of my baby is my stepbrother. It's my fault because I seduced him when we were home alone. Last night my sister said I need to go on a diet because I'm gaining weight, and she joked that I look pregnant. I don't think she has any idea that I really am.

I won't be able to hide this pregnancy much longer. My parents will go crazy, and my stepbrother will also be in major trouble even though it isn't really his fault. I can tell you my mom will not be understanding. Please help. -- DESPERATE FOR ADVICE

DEAR DESPERATE: You're right -- this is major trouble. But your parents have to be told, not only because your pregnancy will soon become obvious, but also because for the sake of the baby, you must have prenatal care. If you are afraid to tell them by yourself, then approach them with the help of another adult, either a close friend or a relative you can confide in. The only thing you shouldn't do is wait any longer.

DEAR ABBY: I have been feeling a great deal of guilt for a number of years after my parents' deaths. They both died of natural causes.

When the church services were over, my sister and brothers stood together in line and thanked everyone for coming. I could hardly sit through the service, much less thank anyone for attending. I was the first to leave the service and drove home to be alone.

Was I wrong not to stand with my siblings? I could hardly control my own feelings. It was impossible for me to deal with those of the others. What do you think, Abby? -- WORKING THROUGH GRIEF

DEAR WORKING: I think you are beating yourself up needlessly. Grieving is a personal process, and people do it in their own individual way. Because you needed to be alone, you were right to leave.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a woman who is a prostitute and have developed feelings for her. The problem is her "job" gets in the way. I thought I could be OK with this, but I am not. She says she needs me and wants me in her life. She has talked about getting another job, but nothing ever happens. What should I do? -- MY NAME'S NOT JOHN

DEAR NOT JOHN: This woman has already demonstrated that she is not going to change professions. What you should do is find a woman who isn't a prostitute and whose profession doesn't "get in the way." It will be healthier and less frustrating for you.

DEAR ABBY: The other day my boyfriend discovered my diary and started reading it even though I asked him not to. I took it away from him, and he accused me of hiding something from him. I'm not hiding anything, it's just very personal. Is it wrong that I prefer to keep my diary a private matter? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: No, it's not wrong. Many people who keep journals also prefer to keep them private. What is wrong is your boyfriend snooping in the diary after you asked him not to, and then accusing you of hiding something from him when you told him it made you uncomfortable. If you have given him no reason to mistrust you, that's an indication that he is insecure and doesn't respect boundaries. And it's a red flag.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an only child by default. My parents have been married 30 years and had two children. When I was 9 and my sister was 6, we were in a car accident with my mother that resulted in my sister's death. Her death changed my life in ways I can never explain.

My father began abusing drugs and beating me. My mother started stealing and was always unemployed. She became severely depressed and also abused prescription drugs. I was left to raise myself, and now, as an adult, I don't want a relationship with either of them.

How can I get my mother to accept that despite her wishes, I do not want to live my life watching her waste hers? It leaves me feeling depressed, angry and hopeless. I have been diagnosed as bipolar. Almost all my life I have known only death, drugs, abuse and pain. I just want peace from these people. Please help. -- FRUSTRATED SON IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED SON: You have my deepest sympathy for the tragedy that destroyed your family. Had your parents received the professional help they needed at the time of the accident, much of it might have been prevented. Tell your parents that unless they seek help now for their problems, they will have lost not one, but two, children.

However, if they choose to continue as they have been -- which is likely -- then you must go on with your life. The answer to a toxic situation such as what you have experienced is to divorce yourself. Because you can't fix them, you must save yourself. You have been damaged enough.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Kate," is 27 and has a 3-year-old son. She and the father are not married. He is self-centered, controlling and keeps her stranded. She has no car and no money. They currently live with his family -- a far from ideal situation.

I am struggling because I'm unable to help her financially, and she feels lost and alone. My husband (her stepfather) won't allow them to live with us, which I understand. We're scrimping to get by. I have located several online sites for single moms regarding assistance, but I feel it is up to Kate to pursue them.

What else can I offer her regarding steering her in the right direction? If she could contact others in her situation, perhaps they might point her in directions I cannot. Your advice would be welcomed. -- GRANDMA IN PRESCOTT, ARIZ.

DEAR GRANDMA: Because of your financial situation there is a limit to what you can do. Give your daughter the websites and explain that she may find support and suggestions there from other single mothers -- the rest is up to her. But please, realize that until your daughter is willing to take charge of her life, nothing will change. Continue to be caring and supportive, and let your daughter know you love her.

DEAR ABBY: When someone elopes, is a bridal shower after the fact appropriate? There will be a reception later this summer where a wedding gift seems expected. I think having a bridal shower is not proper etiquette. What do you say? -- ASKANCE IN VERMONT

DEAR ASKANCE: The intent of a wedding shower is to extend good wishes to the bride -- and with increasing frequency, the groom. Having one after a hastily planned wedding or an elopement is not a breach of etiquette. However, if you disapprove, no law says you must attend.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws have a small dog, "Fluffy," who has come to rule their lives. That's OK, because it doesn't really affect me. However, we frequently have them over for dinner, and they insist on taking home a large portion of whatever meat was served to give to their dog. I'm not talking about scraps from everyone's plates -- the amount they take would be a serving for another meal.

I have objected to this practice in the past, but each time they come for dinner they seem to have "forgotten" the lesson. I don't like it! How can I tactfully tell them not to take meat from my table for Fluffy? -- "STEAKING" MY CLAIM, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR "STEAKING": You already have told your in-laws not to take the meat you are serving for their dog. Either their memories are failing, or your feelings aren't important to them.

Suggestion: When you have them to dinner, set up the plates in your kitchen rather than have dishes on the table, and immediately refrigerate any meat you haven't served. Or consider serving your in-laws a meatless dinner. (I can hear them now, asking, "Where's the beef?")

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bud," retired a year ago and now does almost nothing with his life. He calls himself a "house husband," but that's a lie. All he does is watch TV or play on his computer all day while I work full time outside the home.

Our house has become a pigsty. If I try to do some cleaning, Bud gets mad and says he'll do it "later." Later comes and goes.

Returning to a filthy house after work is driving me crazy. He doesn't even do the grocery shopping; I have to do it on my lunch hour.

Any advice on how I can get his rear end off the couch and get him to assume some responsibilities? I don't usually nag, but I'm so mad I'm taking out my frustrations on my exercise bike. It's making me very fit, but I'm still upset about his lack of ambition. -- WIFE OF A LAZY SLOB

DEAR WIFE: You and Bud have a communication problem. Rather than scold him about his inactivity, try to get him to tell you (calmly) what his "vision" of retirement is. You may find that it's very different from yours. He may also be depressed at the changes that have occurred in his life.

If Bud was always a "lazy slob," then face it -- that's the person you married. However, if this is a recent, radical change in his behavior, you should insist he be examined by his doctor. But taking out your frustrations on your exercise bike is not a solution, and you may have to decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office of eight people, and we have two restrooms -- one for the men, the other for the women. Recently the women's restroom was out of order and we had to use the men's room.

In a case like this, what is proper etiquette? Do we girls put the seat back up when we are finished, or leave it down? The guys in the office said it should be left up. -- HE SAID, SHE SAID

DEAR H.S.S.S.: I say that because both sexes are using the same restroom -- which makes it temporarily unisex -- the toilet seat should be left down.