DEAR ABBY: "Seth" and I have been going out for almost three years. We have been engaged for a year and I love him, but every time he talks about living together or getting married, I get so nervous and scared that I suffer anxiety attacks.

We have differences when it comes to handling money, keeping the house in order and having pets. We also argued about a pre-nup agreement. Seth won't change his position on it and I'm still resentful. I'm worried that if we live together I'll end up with his debts. If things don't work out, I don't want to start all over again.

We're both divorced with kids. We have a good relationship except for my fear of going to the next level. -- SKITTISH IN CANADA

DEAR SKITTISH: You and Seth have significant areas of disagreement, and they are ones that could affect the outcome of your relationship. That's why it is important for you to seek premarital counseling to see if they can be worked out. If they can't be, then you and Seth need to find different partners, because the issues upon which you differ are deal-breakers, and the last thing either of you -- or your children -- need is another divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I have always had a close relationship with my mother. She is smart, wonderful and sweet, but she can also be naive.

In the past Mom has trusted people who turned out to be not very nice. When she began this relationship with the "perfect man," I was curious. I inquired about his prior relationships and history in general. He openly shared details about his past -- except for one thing I later discovered on my own. He has served an extensive stint in prison for being a child predator and is still on parole.

I don't want him around my children or any of my mom's other grandchildren. Mom says he's a reformed person now. He may be, but I don't know him well. Mom is welcome to see my children anytime, but not with him. She thinks I'm being unreasonable, and I'm uncomfortable about the way she is pressing the issue. What should I do? -- CAN'T BACK DOWN ON THIS ONE

DEAR CAN'T BACK DOWN: Stand firm in your resolve until such time as you are convinced the "perfect man" will not offend again. Your mother is emotional about him and is not thinking clearly. If he had leveled about the fact he's on parole and for what, that would be one thing. But he didn't, and that is cause for worry.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has tried to lose weight for my health and failed. I am trying again now and have lost 40 pounds. A couple of years ago I did the same thing, and then before I knew it I gained it all back. I'm really trying to keep it off this time.

A co-worker said, "You look good with the weight loss, but do you think you'll be able to keep it off this time?" I had no idea what to say. I told him we all have our vices, but I am trying. Abby, the comment hurt my feelings. How would you suggest handling the situation? -- SMALLER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SMALLER: Your co-worker's comment was thoughtless. But if he brings up the subject again, tell him how it made you feel the first time he did, and that your weight problem is really none of his business.

DEAR ABBY: My husband purchased a bag of individually wrapped frozen chicken breasts during his lunch break. After work, we took our kids to a concert and didn't return home until 8 p.m. The bag of chicken was in his trunk for seven hours on a hot summer day.

My husband thought it was OK to refreeze the meat and feed this to our kids, ages 6 and 2. I adamantly disagreed. What are your thoughts? We've had this argument before. -- NO WAY! IN SAN JOSE

DEAR NO WAY!: Your husband is seriously off base. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, "cold food" -- such as chicken, fish, raw meat -- should be purchased just before leaving the market and the shopper should plan to drive directly home. Always refrigerate perishable food within two hours, and when the temperature is above 90 degrees Fahrenheit, it should be refrigerated within one hour! Food left in the car for the length of time your husband did is no longer fit for human consumption and could have made your children seriously ill.

Readers, for the answers to food safety questions, the USDA can be contacted on the Internet at AskKaren.gov. Submit a question there and it will be answered. The USDA also has a Meat and Poultry Hotline, (888) 674-6854, which is open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I divorced seven years ago. He has remarried, and I also recently married again. He is still bitter toward me. His emotional abuse was partly to blame for our split, although I was not entirely without fault. I made mistakes, too, which I regret.

Two of my children hold me responsible for the divorce and continually throw my mistakes back in my face. I walk on eggshells around them. I have apologized repeatedly and asked their forgiveness. I'm afraid of losing contact with my grandchildren every time one of my kids becomes upset about the past.

I have been to counseling, but was told I just have to be happy with me. Is there a way my children can finally forgive me for the past? I'm not a bad person, just a flawed one. -- HUMAN IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR HUMAN: We're all flawed, including your children. If they are determined that blame for the divorce falls solely on you, while absolving your emotionally abusive husband, nothing you or I can do will change their minds.

You have paid your therapist good money for the sensible advice you received, so please heed it. The longer you continue to walk on eggshells and tolerate the treatment you are receiving, the longer it will continue. Concentrate on your own life, and far more happiness will result than what you're experiencing now.

DEAR ABBY: Many letters you print come from women who seem shocked because they've ended up with men who have little or no character. However, I have never dated a man who could hide his true colors longer than six months.

You often advise these women to seek counseling or an attorney, but for the millions of women who haven't yet made these mistakes, how about a shout-out for prevention? Amazingly, not getting legally attached and not allowing yourself to become pregnant by a man you've known only a few weeks isn't considered common sense anymore.

The heart is ungovernable, but people do have absolute control over using birth control and getting married. What percentage of women's problems do you think could be avoided if, for the first year of dating someone, they used birth control 100 percent of the time and didn't rush to get married? -- PERPLEXED IN PEORIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: I'd say about 50 percent -- but I may be underestimating by a long shot.

DEAR ABBY: A young bride-to-be who signed her letter "Touchy Decision in Ohio" (June 18) prefers her stepdad walk her down the aisle at her wedding, but is worried about what her biological father (whom she sees once or twice a year) and other relatives might think.

In my many decades on this earth, especially during the last 10 or 15 years, I have seen all sorts of changes in wedding etiquette, including the customs governing who walks down the aisle. In addition to fathers escorting daughters, I've seen brothers escort sisters and children walk their mother to the altar. In "Ohio's" case, the logical solution, and the more appropriate one, to me, would be to have both gentlemen escort her down the aisle, one on either side. What could be lovelier?

The bride-to-be should consider that the hurt feelings that often crop up on sensitive occasions such as this, if not attended to beforehand, can tarnish the memory of the event in the minds of loved ones forever. -- BARB H. IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR BARB: Thank you for your response. Opinions regarding "Ohio's" letter are numerous and varied. A majority of those I heard from agree with your suggestion that both dads share the task. However, others viewed it differently. My newspaper readers' comment:

DEAR ABBY: If the biological father wanted to be a part of his daughter's life he should have made more of an effort to be there for her. The stepdad no doubt put up with all the growing pains associated with raising a teenager as well as other parenting challenges. These are the prerequisites for walking a daughter down the aisle. Although most males can father a child, not all of them can truly be a FATHER. -- STEPDAD TO A WONDERFUL DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: I can't believe how ignorant, uncaring and selfish a bride would be to dump her dad on her wedding day. Everyone will notice and everyone will care.

Ladies, unless your father is a total loser who was absent, a drunk, a jailbird, an addict or a deadbeat, walking you down the aisle is his privilege -- no one else's. It also shouldn't be based on how much money he was able or willing to fork over for the wedding. This is the day a real man and father has looked forward to since the day you were born.

And to any man who is asked to escort a bride down the aisle: Before agreeing, ask what her situation is with her father. You may be taking a spot you don't deserve. -- MARY IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: My daughter wanted her stepfather and her biological father to be part of her wedding. So her stepdad (my husband) walked her down the aisle to where I was sitting in the first row. I stood up, gave her my handkerchief and kissed her cheek. Then her father stepped out from the row behind me, and her stepdad handed her over to her father, who walked her the rest of the way to the altar and gave her away. Everyone was happy with this amicable solution. -- JOYCE IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: I was in the same situation at my wedding. My solution was to have my stepfather walk me down the aisle and my father do the father/daughter dance. That way both men were acknowledged and each one given his special time. -- KATHY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR ABBY: Rather than worry about her father's feelings, the young woman could have her mother walk her down the aisle. Mom has been the constant in her life and there's no reason she shouldn't accompany her daughter to the altar. That way, Mom gets recognition for her part in raising her daughter and no feelings are hurt. -- GRETCHEN IN THE HEARTLAND

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)