DEAR ABBY: "Insulted in Ohio" (July 9) was offended because she's being asked at bridal and baby showers to address a blank envelope so the honoree can send her a thank-you note. Good heavens, lady, calm down.

At a shower, you are celebrating a milestone event in a young woman's life. Your gift will help her during the next phase of her life. These joyous events can be stressful and require a lot of preparation. I'm sure the hostess's intent in asking guests to perform this minor task is to ease the honoree's responsibilities. It also ensures the addresses appear correctly on the envelopes and everyone is accounted for on the gift list. Is that really so "insulting"?

"Ohio," if you feel so imposed-upon being asked do do such a simple thing, may I offer a suggestion? Gift the honoree with your "regrets" and leave your judgmental attitude at home. (I'll bet you count the days until you're thanked, too.) -- GAIL IN NACOGDOCHES, TEXAS

DEAR GAIL: Thank-you notes are a hot-button issue with my readers, and frankly, I am surprised more of you didn't stick up for "Insulted." However, I stand firm in my conviction that the more personal the thank-you note (including the envelope), the better. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: With the advent of email, social networking and online invitation sites, mailing addresses are used less often. I'd be hard-pressed to find the street addresses of some of my closest friends and relatives. As part of the younger generation, I'm more comfortable with email. If I were hosting one of these events, I'd have to kindly ask guests to write down their addresses for me to use later for thank-yous. And because it's being done on paper, it might as well be on the envelopes -- a practical, time-saving solution. -- JENNY IN QUEBEC, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: I'm also from Ohio, and I was insulted, too. It appalled me being asked to address my own future thank-you envelope. And would you like to know the kicker? I never received the envelope or a thank-you after the shower. -- CARLA T.

DEAR ABBY: While the practice does seem a little over the top, there are creative alternatives. At a baby shower, my sisters gave everyone index cards and asked them to write down their name and address and guess the baby's birth weight and length. The guest who came closest would be mailed a prize. It was a way to ensure I had everyone's address for thank-you cards. At bridal showers, a blank address book can be passed around for guests to write their contact information. The book is then presented to the bride for her new home. -- MELANIE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: To save a busy bride or mother-to-be time and effort, addressing my envelope is another "gift" I can give her. All the envelopes could then be placed in a basket, with one being drawn for the "door prize." -- LYNN IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: "Insulted" could take one of her return address stickers with her to the shower and place it on the envelope provided. It's less work. This new party ritual is not the result of poor manners, but a logical change for changing times. -- NOT A WHINER DOWN SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: The personal message the gift recipient writes on the card is more important than who might have addressed the envelope it came in. -- ARLENE IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: Because each of my guests addressed her envelope, I finished all my thank-yous in the week after the shower and sent them out promptly. People should not complain about the punctuality of thank-yous if they refuse an opportunity to ensure they receive them in a timely manner. -- CARRIE IN ST. LOUIS

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was at a party where guests were exposed to salmonella that was on one of the vegetables served as an appetizer. At least 11 people were affected by it. The hosts talked to only one or two of the people who were affected. Some of us were concerned that the hosts didn't contact everyone and warn them of what had happened.

Don't you think they had a responsibility to contact all their guests and advise them of the problem, and even express concern and apologies? -- SICK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SICK: Yes, I do. A responsible host would not only call to advise the guests and apologize to anyone who was affected, but also contact the manager of the store at which the vegetables were purchased. If the store isn't put on notice, it can't prevent other customers from buying contaminated produce.

Now that you know how little consideration your hosts had for the welfare of their guests, reconsider accepting another of their dinner invitations.

DEAR ABBY: "Amy" and I have been married seven years. I used to enjoy family gatherings with my parents and brothers, but I am finding them stressful. Amy always seems to have an issue with "time." My family is easygoing and sometimes late for various reasons. Amy doesn't understand why this happens. She believes the timelines are being amended to suit one of my brothers and his family. Their tardiness bothers Amy, and she asked me to talk to my family members about it.

I did, and they don't see a problem. This is the way our family has always been. Amy stresses me out (high blood pressure runs on the male side of my family) when I should be enjoying these gatherings. By the way, my wife is an only child and has no extended family. She has never experienced what larger families go through. Should she ease off, or should I ask my loved ones to change their ways? -- PRESSURED IN TORONTO

DEAR PRESSURED: You said you have already talked to your family about this. Because this is the way your family has always functioned, it is highly unlikely that they're going to change now. Sometimes you have to accept family warts and all, and this appears to be one of them. If Amy's complaining is truly causing your blood pressure to spike, your physician should be telling her to lower the "pressure" she's putting on you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got out of a two-year relationship. He broke up with me without explanation. I'm not over him and it still hurts, but at the same time I am starting to have feelings for someone else. The problem is I'm afraid he's just the "rebound" guy. What should I do? -- READY TO MOVE ON IN OHIO

DEAR READY TO MOVE ON: You're still healing -- and being attracted to someone other than the man who dumped you shows you are progressing. That's a good sign. Rather than worry about whether this relationship will be "for keeps," take it a step at a time. Enjoy his company, let him enjoy yours, and be thankful the romance that didn't work out didn't take up more of your time. A person -- male or female -- who would end a two-year relationship the way your ex-boyfriend did wasn't worth much in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an only child. My parents moved three miles from my husband and me after our first daughter was born. They were determined not to miss a minute of her life.

Mom's life has always been centered around Dad, my daughters and me. She has never approved of my husband because he didn't finish college and enlisted in the military, unlike Dad, who has two master's degrees and retired from the Navy as a lieutenant commander. She regards my husband as the "sperm donor," and that's about all the credit he gets.

Mom isn't happy about anything unless she's complaining. She resents that we spend part of Dad's birthday with my husband's family -- never mind that it's the anniversary of his father's death. She has tried to discipline my daughters based on their grades, even though we have told her that her job is to "spoil them," and it's our job to discipline them.

My husband now refuses to set foot in my parents' home, and I dread the next event that will put them together in the same place. I have asked them to agree to disagree for my sake and my girls, but both feel "justified" in their feelings. I feel as though I must make a choice between the two. Please help. -- TORN IN TWO

DEAR TORN: Since you must make a choice, choose your husband. If you don't, you stand a good chance of being a divorced mother of two with overbearing parents judging every move you and your daughters make for the foreseeable future. Your parents owe you and your husband an apology for the way they have treated him, and frankly, you need to distance yourself from them until you are strong enough to establish some adult boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed with cancer. The support I have received from friends and family has been wonderful. However, I have a challenge.

A friend from work who is a cancer survivor has solicited money from other co-workers on my behalf. I didn't know she had done it, but if I had, I certainly would not have condoned it. My husband and I are well-off, and my company's health insurance is adequate for my medical expenses.

My friend keeps trying to find ways to spend the collected money on me. Unfortunately, she buys things I neither want nor need. I'm so uncomfortable with this entire situation that I don't know what to do. How would you handle this? -- EMBARRASSED BY THE ATTENTION

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I'd ask the friend for a list of the names of the people who contributed so I could thank them for their thoughtfulness and generosity. And when I got it, I would nicely tell her that, while I appreciate her collecting the money, I do not need it and I want it returned to the donors. Then I would write each of the donors a short, personal note explaining the situation and expressing my gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: Sometimes my secretary says things like, "I could just kill myself" or, "Just shoot me!" Abby, my son took his life by shooting himself two years ago. She knows what happened because we live in a small town.

I don't know what to say when I hear her utter those phrases, but it feels like someone has reached in and torn a piece of my heart out. Have you any advice for me? -- STILL GRIEVING FOR MY SON

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Your secretary's level of insensitivity is astonishing. Since it appears she hasn't a clue, the next time she says it -- and she will -- tell her emphatically not to do it again because of the tragedy your family has experienced firsthand involving guns and suicide. If that doesn't shame her into watching her mouth, nothing will.