DEAR READERS: Today marks the 10th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Please take a moment and join me in offering a prayer for those innocent individuals who lost their lives there and in the field in Pennsylvania on that horrific day. If September 11 has taught us anything, it is how strong the American people can be when we are challenged.

DEAR ABBY: How do you prevent damage in your home from children whose parents will not control them while they're visiting? I keep a box of toys and offer them to the children, but they often prefer to handle my personal objects, many of which are heirloom antiques.

One visitor allowed her child to jump on my sofa, then offered to replace a shattered ceramic bowl her son had thrown like a Frisbee. "It's not replaceable," I told her. "It belonged to my great-grandmother." Her response was that I should have put anything valuable out of reach.

It seems even the most polite suggestion to children angers their parents. My parents would never have allowed me to behave disrespectfully in someone's home. Must I show everyone the door because their children behave like animals? -- WHO'S MINDING THE MENAGERIE?

DEAR WHO'S: That's one intelligent option. Conscientious parents take the time to patiently teach their children, as yours did, that they can't touch everything they see. They also think ahead and bring toys they know the kids will enjoy in case they become bored. In cases like this, visit lazy parents only on their own turf or when they're child-free for an afternoon or evening.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with mostly women. My husband and I bought a new car a few months ago. Whenever the car comes up in conversation, a few of my co-workers don't hesitate to say what they don't like about it. After I was nice enough to give one of them a ride home one night, she said the "new car smell" gave her a headache.

I would never say anything negative about something like that, but these women seem to enjoy it. I wish I could come back with some smart remark, but they are in higher positions than I am and I don't want to create problems. They don't seem to care if they do, though.

What should I say next time? I tell myself I'll never offer a ride to them again. Let them walk. Am I being rude for thinking that? -- DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY

DEAR DRIVING YOURSELF: Your idea of not providing transportation to the complainers is a good one. My advice is, in the future, not to raise the subject of your new car -- which should reduce the number of comments you hear about it. It's not rude to think something -- but as your co-workers have demonstrated, it can be very insensitive to let everything you think pass your lips unedited.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a package delivery company and there is a problem that's all too common for people in my line of work. Please tell dog owners to confine their dog before opening a door to accept a package.

I have been bitten twice in the past two years by dogs that "don't bite." I have also been scared more times than I can count by dogs that have charged at me. When a customer takes the time to put their dog in another room before coming to the door, I make sure to let him or her know how much I appreciate it. It's difficult to be pleasant and professional when my heart is racing and adrenaline is raging because someone's dog is barking and running at me.

Thanks, Abby, from my fellow delivery drivers and me. -- TWICE BITTEN IN DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR TWICE BITTEN: You're welcome. If your letter convinces the owners of aggressive dogs to confine them faster than you can spell L-A-W-S-U-I-T, then its purpose will have been served.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My dad and I have been arguing over whether I should play soccer. I don't want to because I don't like the coach, the sport or having Dad yell at me for every little mistake I make. He says I'm good at the game and that I love it -- but I don't. How do I explain it's just not for me without disappointing him? I feel terrible because I have let him down. -- RATHER BE A CHEERLEADER

DEAR RATHER: Please don't feel that by not participating in soccer you're letting your father down. Frankly, he has let you down. When a parent becomes so emotionally involved with a child's sport activity that he yells, confuses his role as an enthusiastic and supportive parent with that of the coach, and takes the joy out of the sport for the kid, this is more often than not the result. If you enjoy cheerleading, go for it and don't feel guilty. If you have the vitality and athletic ability, you'll be a star.

DEAR ABBY: I dated "Albert" -- a wonderful, caring man -- for nine months until last week when I ended it because of a false promise. When we first started dating, he offered to fly me wherever he was due to be working. His job requires a lot of travel. It never happened.

Every year around this time he's back home in California to work the harvest at his ranch. We made plans for me to fly there to see him and meet the rest of his family.

A month ago I asked what was going on with the purchase of my plane ticket. I never got an answer, so I asked again two weeks later. Albert made some excuses and said it wasn't a good idea for him to pay for my flight there. After our break-up, he admitted his brother had convinced him it wasn't right for me to fly there at Albert's expense and, if I loved him I'd find a way to pay for it myself.

I'm a single mom. Albert knows my financial status. By no means could I afford a trip at my expense. I feel Albert's family will always influence his decisions and this would affect our relationship. Was this a good reason to break up? -- STAYING PUT IN TEXAS

DEAR STAYING PUT: Please don't be so quick to blame Albert's family. He may have been "wonderful and caring," but he wasn't much of a man for not telling you that he had had a change of heart about introducing you to his family, because that's what really happened. As you said, he knows your financial status. And yes, this was a good reason to break it off because, from my point of view, you had no other choice.

DEAR ABBY: Just a quick question regarding airline flying etiquette. What would be the proper way to handle a situation where the flight attendant comes around to serve refreshments and the person next to you is napping? Would it be appropriate to give him a little nudge when the attendant gets to your row, or just order your own and let the person be skipped over? -- UP IN THE AIR IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR UP IN THE AIR: Sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie, and this is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a confident, well-established administrative professional who has worked with an executive team most of my career.

I organized a very large company party and, because my regular caterer didn't specialize in the kind of barbecue that was needed, I took a chance on an unknown one. I had never used this caterer, but went on the recommendation of three colleagues I trust.

In the end, it was the most humiliating disaster I've ever experienced. Not only was there not enough food, but it was presented in a sloppy, unprofessional manner. No beverages arrived, so we had to do without them for the event.

I have never had anything like this happen before, and the responsibility was mine. It was embarrassing for me and the people I work with. I couldn't even show my face. I stayed in the background trying to fix things as best I could.

I can't seem to get past this. I feel like a failure. I am seriously thinking of applying for a job at another company so I can put it all behind me. I had red flags along the way, but ignored them because I trusted the individuals who recommended the caterer. What are your thoughts? -- WISH I'D GONE WITH MY GUT

DEAR WISH: You're a perfectionist, and I respect that. But before you punish yourself by throwing away a perfectly good career with your current company over one regrettable screwup, please consider that nobody bats 1000. Yes, what happened was regrettable, but it's in the past. It's possible that the recommended caterer was also having a bad day. If you need absolution, discuss this with your employer. You have learned your lesson. Now let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I'm four months pregnant with our second child and dreading the birth because of my fiance's parents. After the birth of our first child, I asked "Cliff" to allow me two weeks without overnight visitors so I could settle in with the new baby. That following weekend his parents called and said, "We're coming, and we're staying with you guys!"

My mom and Cliff were the only ones in the delivery room, and that's how I wanted it. I want it that way again this time. Cliff's mom had made it clear her feelings were hurt because she wasn't "being invited in."

Because my son will be less than 2 years old when the new baby comes, my mom will be taking vacation time to come and help me out. Is it wrong of me to tell Cliff's parents they can't come and stay that soon after the birth of the new one? Cliff and his dad act like long-lost frat guys when they see each other, and I find it irresponsible, childish and a sore spot in our relationship. -- PREGNANT WITH APPREHENSION

DEAR PREGNANT: Your problem isn't your fiance's parents. It's his inability to act like a mature adult. When his parents announced they were coming, he should have put a stop to it then and there. Because he seems unwilling to speak up, you must assume that responsibility, unless you want a repeat of the "open house" party that happened the last time.

When you give birth your wishes should be paramount. It is not performance art. Your doctor will back you up if you make your wishes clear in advance.

Cliff's mom might have been more welcome this time if she hadn't intruded after your last delivery. But, please, don't place the blame entirely on her because it's possible your fiance didn't tell her you needed peace, quiet and time to adjust when they announced they were coming.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)