DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia more than a year ago. She lives alone and can no longer do anything for herself. She can no longer climb stairs, which means she can't get to her bed, shower or do laundry, and it takes her hours to dress herself. She also needs help getting and remembering to take her medications.

Because Mom can't drive, she can't get to the store, the bank or anywhere else unless one of her kids takes her. She does nothing all day but watch TV and eat sweets.

When do her kids stop treating her like a toddler and start treating her with dignity? She clearly needs assistance, whether it's a couple of days a week of companionship or an assisted-living center. She doesn't want to go, but when is it time to do what's best for her and stop listening to what she says she wants? Her kids are afraid to make her mad, so this poor woman is withering away in her two-story home -- lonely, smelly, sad and depressed.

I would move her into our home if we had a place for her, but we don't. What can be done for an elderly person who obviously can't take care of herself, but "fakes" it so her kids won't put her "in a home"? -- HEARTBROKEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my sympathy. Your letter is timely, because September marks the inauguration of World Alzheimer's Month.

Accepting the realities of dementia or Alzheimer's disease can be difficult for families, especially when the person with the disease has lost the ability to safely live alone or make sound decisions.

When this happens, families must take steps to ensure that their loved one is safe and healthy. This may involve bringing care into the home or exploring other living options. Fortunately, most communities offer resources that can help, including home-delivered meal programs, in-home care, assisted-living and residential memory care.

Because you are rightfully concerned about your mother-in-law's well-being, call a family meeting and discuss care options. The Alzheimer's Association has a consultation program that helps families navigate through these complex situations. It offers emotional support, needs assessment and information about local resources. To speak with a care consultant, call the Alzheimer's Association's toll-free, 24/7 helpline at 800-272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my love for more than five years. Our lives have not been easy, but whose has? God decided to bless us with a little one while we were still too young, but we work hard to provide the best for our blessing.

Somewhere down the road the romance disappeared. I often wonder if he despises me for getting pregnant or for keeping our son. My love had big plans and still does, but he seems miserable. I know I can't force him to make the effort to change his own life and pursue his dreams.

I miss my friend, the person who wanted to be near me, hold my hand and hold me tight. Despite all my attempts to talk, nothing changes. Is it over? -- ROMANTICIZING ROMANCE IN DALLAS

DEAR R.R.: As the saying goes, "It isn't over 'til it's over." The man you love may be unhappy that his life took an unexpected turn, but he's still with you and that says a lot. Because he won't talk out his feelings with you and appears to have withdrawn, remind him that you love him, want him to be happy and encoutrage him to talk to a licensed therapist to help him get his future back on track. It will be money and time well spent.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Dan" cheated on his wife, "Darlene." His affair lasted five years before he dumped Darlene to pursue a relationship with the other woman. My problem is, every time family members invite Darlene and her children to be part of an event, we have to listen to her long, drawn-out monologue about Dan's affair with "that woman."

I don't approve of Dan's behavior, but I refuse to hate him because their marriage failed. It was on the downslide for a long time before the affair began. Darlene has spent the last four years making sure her kids never see my brother's new wife or meet their half-siblings. She talks openly in front of them about how "evil" their father and "that woman" are, then invites Dan on family trips, which I'd find confusing if I were in their shoes.

I don't want to cut my nieces and nephews out of my life, because they need stability. But I don't care at this point if I ever see Darlene again. Any suggestions? I'm at my wit's end. -- TIRED OF THE SOB STORY

DEAR TIRED: The reason the No. 1 songs on the charts keep changing is listeners finally grow bored and stop buying them. The same is true for the "he done me wrong" chorus your former sister-in-law keeps repeating. While I understand her pain and anger, it's a shame Darlene hasn't accepted that she needs to get on with her life. A step in that direction would be to quit wallowing in the past.

Because you can't control her, when she starts her next refrain, excuse yourself. Let her entertain the rest of the family while you spend quality time with your nieces and nephews, and you'll all have a better time.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married several years to an only child. Despite our objections, my mother-in-law, "Diana," continues to treat my husband, "Rob," as though he's helpless and me as his equally incapable sidekick.

I should have realized there was trouble when Diana and other in-laws came to visit us on our honeymoon -- unannounced and uninvited. When we go to a buffet restaurant, she prepares plates for him. She tells him what clothes to wear to events and even irons them for him. She includes our names on cards, gifts, flowers, etc., for which we've had no input or financial contribution. Anytime we mention going out of town, she attempts to invite her husband and herself to tag along.

Rob and I are responsible adults who work full time. We have never asked his parents for anything. I find her behavior insulting and intrusive. Even if I wanted to wait on my husband hand and foot, I'd have to beat my mother-in-law to it.

I have done everything I can think of to remedy this, from having Rob speak to her to being frank with her myself. Aside from saying hello when I answer the phone, I choose to have no relationship with her. Am I being overly sensitive, or is Diana overstepping her boundaries? -- MARRIED TO AN ONLY CHILD IN KENTUCKY

DEAR MARRIED TO AN ONLY CHILD: If your description of your mother-in-law is accurate, she's the living definition of a mother who can't let go. Because you and Rob have spoken frankly to her about this and her behavior persists, she strikes me as overbearing.

By now it should be clear that Diana isn't going to change. Your best recourse may be to put geographic distance between you if and when it's feasible.

DEAR ABBY: I am a high school sophomore who is usually pretty happy. I have amazing friends and a great family, and I make good grades. I have liked "Michael" for three years, and recently he has begun to show more of an interest in me. He's polite to everyone, but my friends have noticed he pays more attention to me than to anyone else.

Well, two months ago Michael suddenly started dating another girl. They're totally addicted to each other, and I'm crushed. I am also confused, because when she isn't around, Michael flirts with me again. I try to avoid him and not flirt back, but it seems to keep happening. I never would have expected this from such a sweet guy. What should I do? -- HEARTBROKEN HIGH SCHOOLER

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Frankly, the first thing you should do is put your guard up. Then take a step backward so you can clear your head and view Michael more objectively because right now you are "smitten."

Michael appears to have a short attention span. Two months ago it was you, now it's some other girl -- unless she isn't around. Your sweet guy is showing signs of being a budding Romeo, so put your broken heart back together and recognize that if you want a boyfriend you can depend on, Michael isn't the one.

DEAR ABBY: We just moved into a new neighborhood and a cute little boy came to our door selling coupon books. My husband answered the door and was nice to the boy, but told him we weren't interested in buying the book. The child hung his head and walked away slowly.

As the days have gone by, we feel bad about not buying the book from him, but we didn't need or want it. I found out he and his family live two doors down, and it is uncomfortable as we drive by their house. They never wave or acknowledge us, nor have they ever come down to introduce themselves or say hello.

Should we apologize to our neighbors for making their son feel bad, or should we just let it go? -- ASHAMED IN HOUSTON

DEAR ASHAMED: I see no reason for you to apologize for not buying the coupon book. The books are not helpful for everyone. By offering them for sale, the boy is getting sales and life experience, and learning that when someone refuses an offer, the "rejection" isn't personal; it's part of the process. Rather than apologize, why not go to the parents and introduce yourselves? I can't imagine they'd be holding a grudge over something so petty.

DEAR ABBY: I'm eight months pregnant with my first child. It is my boyfriend's third child. I don't get along with the other children's mothers, but I want my son to have a relationship with his brother and sister. How do I go about getting this to happen? -- HOPEFUL IN ARKANSAS

DEAR HOPEFUL: I applaud you for wanting your son to have a relationship with his half-siblings. Family is important, and when the children are older, it could be beneficial for them.

A way to establish a kinship with the other mothers might be to remind them that, in a sense, you're all members of the same "club." Considering their former boyfriend's history, membership may continue to expand, so it's in everyone's interest to stick together.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)