DEAR ABBY: Over the past several years I have fallen out of love with my wife. We're now at a point where all we do is cohabitate for the sake of the children. She often says she wants nothing to do with the kids and treats me as below human. She calls me at work repeatedly, then hangs up on me if I don't agree or give her the answer she wants. I finally had enough and told her I can no longer live like this.

She's now saying she has "seen the error of her ways" and wants to change. I don't know if I believe her or even care at this point. I have been so beaten down I just go through the motions. Part of me would like to see who else is out there for me, but then my wife cries and says she has "nowhere to go" and that I'd be putting the mother of my children "out on the street." She doesn't work because she can't keep a job. (Something always comes up that forces her to walk out.) Please help me. I am beside myself and don't know what to do. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN COLORADO

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Try marital counseling for your children's sake, to determine whether your wife is capable of changing and whether your marriage can be salvaged.

If the answer is no, consult an attorney who specializes in family law, and when you do, seek custody of your children. If your wife says she wants nothing to do with them now, after a divorce her attitude isn't likely to improve. They will need a caring, supportive parent close to them. If your wife is as you have described, she appears to be more interested in a meal ticket than a partner, and you deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student. In order to save money on housing, my best friend, "Keira," and I decided to get an apartment together. She's engaged, so it's actually the two of us and her fiance, "Bruce." All of us were enthusiastic about the idea. They moved in a few months before me because I had a job back home and their jobs were at school.

Because they moved in first, they treat me as if it is "their" apartment and I merely have a room there. When I try to buy things for the apartment, such as a new tablecloth, bath mat, etc., Keira immediately undoes any changes I have made when I leave for the day. I feel it is her passive-aggressive way of undermining me. It happens every day with something.

This may seen petty, but this is my apartment, too. I pay rent just as they do, and I want to feel at home here as well. Keira is stubborn and wants things her way. How can I get her to quit this behavior without causing further animosity within our home? -- HOME-LESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOME-LESS: Convene a household meeting and tell Keira and Bruce what you have told me. While they arrived first and furnished "their" nest, you have an equal right to have it reflect some of your taste and personality. For your friend to erase it while your back is turned is inconsiderate of your feelings.

If you don't bring this out in the open, you will never establish a compromise. Because Keira is planning to be married, she had better get used to the concept of compromise because a successful marriage is full of it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away recently. My sister, who lives in another state, flew in with her 4-year-old daughter, "Nikki," to attend Mom's wake.

When the wake ended, Nikki began to place stickers on Mom's hands and one on her face. The stickers had been given to her by another guest before the service started. When my 18-year-old daughter saw what her cousin had done, she removed them, and Nikki threw a tantrum and refused to leave the casket. My sister spoke quietly to her, trying to get the child to leave, then allowed her to put at least two more stickers on my mother's hand. Finally, I gently picked Nikki up and took her away from the casket. My father is a mild-mannered man and, although he frowned in disapproval, he said nothing.

This has caused a huge rift between my sister and me. I feel a 4-year-old is too young to attend a wake. Nikki should not have been allowed to put stickers on my mother. My sister says I "undermined" her parenting and had no right to intervene. What are your thoughts? -- SADDENED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SADDENED: If one defines parenting as teaching a child appropriate behavior, your sister wasn't parenting at all. Although the child was well-intentioned, unless the stickers said "Return to Sender," they had no place at the funeral. My condolences to your family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old single female. I have a child and am currently in a relationship with "Ty," who has two children of his own from a divorce.

This is a very difficult situation for me. I love Ty, but there's so much drama relating to his ex-wife and dealing with the post-divorce behavior problems of his kids, I sometimes don't know how much more I can handle. The ex constantly throws herself in my face, trying to be friends. And the shuffling of his kids from our house to hers creates issues.

I need advice on what to do. I'm unhappy, and it is getting worse. How can I improve the situation before I just give up? -- OVERWHELMED IN IOWA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Before giving up, let me remind you that as a 32-year-old single mother, you will be encountering more and more men with "baggage" -- so you might as well learn to cope with it now. If you're going to have a future with Ty, it is in YOUR best interest to become a "friend" of his ex-wife. Should you marry him, a cordial and cooperative relationship will be better for everyone.

Look at it this way: Because Ty's children are acting out -- which is to be expected -- the most effective way to deal with it is to form a united front.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started dating a wonderful man, but there's one problem: On several of our dates he was dressed like he was staying home to watch TV -- wearing dirty pajama-type shorts, ripped T-shirts, stuff I'd barely wear even if I were home sick.

I have gently tried to suggest he wear something else, but he has no concerns about his appearance. Any ideas? -- BAFFLED IN BALTIMORE

DEAR BAFFLED: The wonderful man you are seeing is either eccentric or a slob. If you have "gently" tried to suggest that he make himself look more presentable when you go out and have gotten nowhere, you have two choices: Accept him just as he is, or look further for male companionship.

DEAR ABBY: Before I met my boyfriend, "Cory," he had a married female friend he'd go out with -- dancing, dinner, movies, etc. He says there was no sex involved, and I believe him. He has asked me to be friends with her and her husband, and I have tried.

However, whenever she's around Cory, they ignore everyone else. She even tried to go on vacation with us! What really upset me was when Cory thought it was OK to ask if "we" could go out with her! It's like she has always been in our relationship.

I have told him they are (and have been) having a non-sexual affair. He's a wonderful man otherwise, and I know he loves me. How can I get her out of our lives? -- FEELING LIKE A THIRD WHEEL

DEAR FEELING: It would be interesting to know what this female friend's husband thinks about her relationship with your boyfriend. Dinner, dancing, movies -- possible shared vacations -- seems like an unusual amount of "togetherness." Talk to her husband, and you may gain some insight.

As to how you can get her out of your lives, the answer is you probably can't. Unless your boyfriend is willing to accept that their relationship is a threat to the one he has with you and is willing to let it go, she will be in his life -- and yours -- for a long, long time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for four years. Like many couples, we are discussing having a family and we both agree the time is now.

My husband was adopted at birth by a loving couple whom he has always known as his parents. They are fantastic people, but I'd still like to know my husband's family medical history before putting myself or our child at risk for any hereditary complications.

My mother-in-law thinks this "inquisition into the family's personal business" is uncalled for. I think it's important to get a full family medical history before having children. Am I out of line, or should he try to locate his biological parents? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN IOWA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: I don't think you're out of line. However, if your husband is reluctant to reach out -- even to request his birth parents' medical histories -- then you may be able to obtain the information you're concerned about by having genetic testing done on the two of you. If necessary, discuss it with your physician.

DEAR ABBY: I am a coach's wife and would love some advice on how to handle "fans" who make rude comments about the people who coach their high school-age kids.

I listen to parents constantly gripe and complain about their children's coaches. How can I gracefully manage this situation? I refuse to listen to degrading, negative comments about my husband and his co-workers. Please advise. -- MRS. COACH IN TEXAS

DEAR MRS. COACH: There is nothing you can do to stop comments like that during a game. Some parents act more like children than their children do. However, if it's happening in social situations, a way to deal with it would be to remind the offenders that you'd rather not hear about "work" when you're trying to have fun. Another would be to excuse yourself if the parent has been drinking.