DEAR ABBY: I have always felt proud that I have never had any racist thoughts. Since the births of my three children, I have tried to instill in them that we are all God's children, no matter the color of our skin.

The problem is, my husband is a racist. He doesn't like anyone who isn't just like him. He makes rude and crude remarks in front of our kids, and I'm always trying to discredit his remarks so the kids won't end up with his bigoted way of thinking.

I have tried talking to my husband about it, but he doesn't seem to get it. How can I get through to him? -- UNBIASED IN IDAHO

DEAR UNBIASED: You can't. His racism isn't rational. He learned it from the environment in which he was raised, as your children may if he continues.

In the time you knew your husband before you married him, I'm surprised that you didn't notice his racist beliefs. If you are truly as unbiased as you say, it seems to me that a couple of uncensored remarks from him would have killed the romance.

However, please don't give up the fight. Your children need to hear consistently that not all people feel as your husband does.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away six weeks ago. He and Mom were married 42 years. After his death, because my living situation was unhealthy, I moved back home with Mom.

Three weeks ago she began seeing an old boyfriend she had before she married Dad. I am the first to meet "Warren." Mom is keeping him a secret from my three siblings.

Warren has visited the house a few times during the day. He recently came for dinner and spent the night on the sofa in the living room. I was hurt and shocked by it. She could have at least told me he'd be staying.

I want to talk to her about this, but I don't know how. I want her to be happy, but Warren's here all the time now. Isn't it a little too soon? I miss my father. Mom hasn't considered my feelings or asked how I feel about this. I realize it's her house and she's an adult, but I can't help feeling disappointed and disrespected. -- STILL MOURNING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STILL MOURNING: Talk to your mother as one adult to another. Tell her you were shocked when Warren spent the night, and that his being there "all the time" seems rushed so soon after your father's death. Tell her, too, that you feel that hiding him from your siblings is a mistake.

Then hear her out. This isn't about you. Your mother is an adult. She and Warren have some shared history, so it's not as if he's a complete stranger out of nowhere. While I agree that she would be wise to take things more slowly, this isn't our decision to make.

Sooner or later you may have to make some living arrangements of your own, so you can both move on with your lives. Start thinking about it now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man who is a lot younger than I am. He lives in France. We were supposed to marry late last year, but his visa was delayed and he had to return home.

Since then, I have heard from him only a few times and he never answers my letters. I love him so much. I still wear his engagement ring. What do you think I should do? -- OCEANS APART IN ILLINOIS

DEAR OCEANS APART: I think you should remove the ring because it appears the romance is over. Je suis desolee, Madame.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "On My Own in Bloomington, Ind." (Aug. 5), who needed a ride to her colonoscopy appointment but didn't have transportation. Your suggestions were admirable, but there is another service you should be aware of.

Many states have a 2-1-1 Information and Referral Service, often sponsored by the local United Way. It has trained information and referral specialists available 24 hours a day, seven days a week to listen to individuals' needs or questions, help callers make informed decisions, and link them to a variety of community resources that fit their needs.

Those needs could be anything from a volunteer driver for a medical appointment to help caring for an aging relative, consumer help, child-care services, finding a local food shelf, domestic abuse shelter or chemical dependency treatment. When you don't know whom to call, call 2-1-1. It is available to help you find answers confidentially. -- LYNETTA IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR LYNETTA: My readers never cease to amaze me. You always come through with all kinds of suggestions for any situation, as you did again. Thanks to all of you. I'm sure the information will be appreciated. My newspaper readers' comments:

DEAR ABBY: I have a few suggestions for "On My Own." She should contact a social worker at the hospital where her doctor works. As you pointed out, many people have this problem, and I bet the social worker will have some solutions.

Second, there is probably a nursing school nearby. She should contact the dean of students to find out whether a nursing student would be available and would like to earn some extra money in this useful way. -- JACQUELINE, R.N., NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: This is one of the many jobs home-health care aides are hired and trained for. My mother has worked for an agency and has accompanied many clients -- seniors and younger people -- on doctor and hospital visits. Many businesses that advertise "senior care" also provide services to non-seniors with disabilities, temporary health issues, and people who just need a "friend" for a few hours.

There are also volunteer organizations that provide similar services, although some may not have training or appropriate insurance or be bonded by the organization, as many home-health care businesses do. -- ALEXANDRA IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR ABBY: Many senior centers offer this service for medical appointments and procedures. The drivers are covered by insurance and are trained on customer service techniques. My husband has taken many people for this procedure. He typically leaves his number with the medical staff, who call him when the patient is ready to be picked up. Rarely do patients need someone at home with them afterward as long as they stay quiet. -- HAPPY TO HELP IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: One solution to the problem of not having family/friends available to accompany a single person for a colonoscopy is to trade time. I'll go with you for yours, and you go with me for mine. -- RICK IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: There are non-medical in-home care providers in many cities such as Seniors Helping Seniors that can provide the transportation and companionship that is needed. Check the phone book under Home Health Care and Services or Senior Citizens Organizations, or search the Web for non-medical in-home care. -- EILEEN IN LAKE HAVASU CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were on vacation out of state with our four young children, staying at a large resort that offered a free buffet breakfast. While my husband tended to the children's beverages and eating utensils, I stood in line to make waffles for everyone. (There were three waffle irons available.)

As I made four waffles for the six of us -- as others were doing for their families -- a woman began berating me and another man for "monopolizing" the waffle irons. She said we should make only one waffle at a time and then get back in line. She went on to insult our kids by saying that by feeding our kids whole waffles for breakfast, we are responsible for the epidemic of childhood obesity in this country.

Was I being rude? Is there a rule of etiquette regarding waffle-making in a buffet? We like to sit down as a family and enjoy our meal together. -- WAFFLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAFFLING: As far as I know, you broke no rule of etiquette. What you encountered was a hungry woman who was taking her impatience out on you. She is lucky you didn't hand her an egg and tell her to go suck on it.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks before our youngest child's wedding, my husband of more than 40 years suddenly became obsessed with worry that I was unfaithful. It was unfounded and nearly ruined the wedding for both of us. This continued for two weeks after the wedding, until he finally vowed to "let it go."

My husband is now bending over backward to make it up to me. He is as thoughtful and passionate as if we were on our honeymoon again. While I'm enjoying the attention, I can't help but wonder if he is the guilty one. What do you think? -- TURNING THE TABLES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TURNING THE TABLES: What I think isn't nearly as important as what you think. If you think he has been unfaithful, you may be right. The question now is, what do you intend to do about it? If you no longer trust your husband, then marriage counseling would be appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife and only child three years ago in a car accident. I felt my life ended that day, but I've managed to put the pieces back together thanks to the support of my family and friends. Now I'm at the point where I think I'm strong enough to start dating again.

When do I tell my date what happened? I don't want to scare her away with my story. It's a big part of who I am, but it's not all I am. First dates are about getting to know someone and it's hard not to share this, but I'm uncomfortable sharing right away. Do you have any advice? -- TENTATIVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TENTATIVE: I see no reason why you should disclose all the details of what happened to your wife and child on a first or second date. If the subject of your marital status is raised, it's perfectly all right to say that you are a widower, that the subject is a painful one, and you will share more details when you know the person better. It would be insensitive for anyone to press you for more information after hearing a statement like that.