DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my friend of more than 30 years was being married for the first time. Three days before the ceremony, "Caryn's" wedding planner emailed all the guests, saying the wedding was canceled. No explanation was given, and we were asked to "respect the bride's privacy" and refrain from contacting her.

I waited a week, then sent Caryn a note saying I was thinking about her. I had given her two shower gifts and a wedding present a month in advance.

Caryn has not returned the gifts. I didn't expect to get the lingerie back, but I did expect that the expensive tableware would be returned to me. In subsequent phone conversations -- and emails and texts -- she has never mentioned the gifts. Should I tell her I'd like my gift back or let it drop? Obviously, it's bothering me, but if you tell me I should forget about it, I will. -- DISGRUNTLED FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: Either Caryn doesn't have a clue about proper wedding etiquette -- that if a wedding is canceled, all unused gifts should be returned -- or her fiance skipped out and took the gifts with him. I see no reason why, after all this time, you shouldn't ask your friend if she's planning on returning the gifts. Then you'll have your answer.

DEAR ABBY: With Halloween fast approaching, my husband and I are again trying to figure out how to deal with a sticky situation. A few years ago, we took in the granddaughter of a dear friend who passed away. "Teresa" is mentally challenged and childlike at age 35.

She gets excited on holidays just like a youngster does. We usually stay home and observe the holidays without incident, but Halloween is different, because Teresa wants to go trick-or-treating and expects candy from people who may not understand.

We've tried in the past to suggest a party at church, but Teresa expects to collect goodies throughout the entire neighborhood, where we don't know everyone. People can be cruel and have made rude comments about Teresa's age and size. (She weighs 300 pounds.)

Is there anything we can do to help strangers understand? Can you think of something else exciting we can do that might interest Teresa and lessen her desire to go trick-or-treating? -- SPOOKED FOR HALLOWEEN

DEAR SPOOKED: Teresa should not go trick-or-treating unescorted, and then, only to households where the residents know her or have been alerted to her condition, which should eliminate insensitive comments. If that doesn't work, then perhaps Teresa might enjoy handing out candy to trick-or-treaters who come to your door and celebrating the holiday that way.

DEAR ABBY: I loaned a friend a significant amount of money, with the understanding that he would pay me a small amount every week for a year until it was repaid. For the most part he has been making the payments, but he has missed a few.

In the past, I have always given him a gift of $50 for his birthday and on Christmas. Would it be cheesy on my part to deduct the amount from what he owes me rather than give him cash on these occasions? -- DOIN' THE MATH IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DOIN': While I see your point, you're mixing apples and oranges. A loan is a loan, and a gift is a gift. Your chances of being repaid will be better if you don't mix the two.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I work as a waitress although I have a college degree. I am happy with my life. I'm unattached, childless and take three or four vacations every year.

A couple of years ago I started waiting on "Tom" at the restaurant where I work. As time went on, we became friendly. Tom is in his 70s, and I am in my early 40s. Last year at Christmas he gave me some nice costume jewelry and asked if I'd have dinner with him sometime.

I was touched and saw no harm in it. We had dinner a few times and went to a couple of movies. Soon after, he started acting as if we were a "couple" and I began declining his dinner invitations. A family emergency came up and I was able to remove myself from the situation for a couple of months. I thought it would cool him off.

For my birthday last month, Tom presented me with a jewelry box and a bracelet with my birthstone. He was angry because I wouldn't go out to dinner and because I went on vacation for 10 days the following week. I'm having a difficult time letting him know I'm not interested because I know he's a lonely old man. I don't want any more gifts from him.

What on earth is Tom thinking? He's my father's age. Do you know what they call a middle-aged woman who hooks up with an old man? A nurse! How can I stop Tom's attentions without being rude or hurting his feelings? -- REALLY NOT MY TYPE

DEAR REALLY: You may not be able to manage that. You and I both know what he is thinking, and his intentions are not "fatherly." In fact, because you accepted his gifts and his dinner invitations, he thinks you have a relationship and he has become possessive.

Return his gifts with a short note explaining that you did not understand when he gave them to you that you were being courted. Tell him you like him and always will, but not in the way he would like you to, and that you hope he will find someone who can reciprocate his feelings. And do not be surprised if he takes his business to some other restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to a small town. Our neighbors came over to introduce themselves, and we adore them already. The husband speaks with a stutter. This doesn't bother me, but I want to be sure that I'm being respectful to him when he's trying to get a word out. Is it preferable to wait him out, or would it help if I "suggest" the word I think he might say? -- UNCERTAIN IN IOWA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Although you mean well, the respectful way to handle it is to let the man speak for himself -- even if it takes a little longer.

DEAR ABBY: Today, after an absence of many years, I met a former employee. He looked the same as he did, except he had no hair. He said he felt fine but -- could it be cancer? Chemotherapy? Should one comment? I ignored it and we exchanged small talk going back several decades. Would it have been proper to ask about his baldness? -- CURIOUS IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR CURIOUS: The questions, "How are you?" and "How have you been?" are a part of normal discourse. If his response was he is "fine," then that's an indication that he didn't want to discuss his changed appearance. He could be in treatment for cancer. He could also have an immune disorder that caused him to lose his hair. Because he didn't volunteer more information, you were right not to question him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s. I have an uncle in his late 30s who keeps asking me invasive questions about my relationship status. Every time I see "Uncle Roger" at family gatherings he asks if I have a boyfriend yet, why I'm not seeing anyone or what I'm doing single. He assumes it's because I don't want to put up with the boyfriend drama.

Uncle Roger makes me feel bad about not being interested in a relationship or dating at the moment. I have told him to back off, without success. He just laughs it off and then the questions continue. Yet, this man has never been in any stable relationship himself.

Is there something wrong with me because I haven't met the right person? Am I supposed to force relationships to happen? What can I say to Uncle Roger to make him stop? -- BEYOND ANNOYED IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR BEYOND ANNOYED: Uncle Roger may think he's being funny by relentlessly asking why you're not involved with anyone. Because you have asked him to stop and he presses on, you have two choices: Avoid and ignore him, or turn the tables.

When he asks you about your love life, instead of becoming defensive, answer his question with a question: "Why aren't you involved with anyone, Uncle Roger? Why are you still single at your age? Can't you find anyone who'll say yes?" And be sure to laugh right back at him. As long as you let him know he's getting to you, he will continue. Sometimes the best defense is a strong offense.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died recently. He and Mom were married 60 years. Apparently, Mom hid her anger at him well, because she now says she couldn't stand him.

None of us kids can bring up any stories or memories about Dad because Mom will say things like, "He was a narcissist," or "He was no fun," etc. We remember him as a great provider and a decent, beloved person.

Do you have any suggestions on how we can approach the subject with my mother? It's so hurtful that we can't talk about our father anymore now that she feels "free" and happy. -- MISSING OUR DAD

DEAR MISSING: Yes. Tell your mother that you and your siblings prefer to remember your father as the decent, beloved, great provider he was to all of you. Tell her that you're glad she's "free" and "happy," but the comments she's making are unwelcome. And if she continues to make them, walk away or share your loving memories of your father when she's not present.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old single woman. I have been hanging out with a guy ("Connor") for a few months. I enjoy his company, but I don't have more than platonic feelings for him.

I'm reading a book that says women my age are too picky and need to compromise. My question is, how long should I wait until I feel something more or that compromising just won't work with this one?

Am I too picky or do I need to realize I won't be feeling anything more? -- SINGLE AND CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFUSED: If you have nothing more than platonic feelings for Connor after seeing him for a few months, those feelings are not likely to change because the chemistry just isn't there. What you need to do is be more selective about the authors whose books you choose, because someone who would advise women sight unseen that they're "too picky" is speaking in dangerous generalities. Caveat emptor.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)