DEAR ABBY: Over the past five years, family gatherings have become increasingly stressful. When they come here, my nieces don't control their young children. Last year after everyone left, I sat down and cried! The mess was horrific, and the damage to my house and yard was dumbfounding. What's worse is they didn't seem to care.

I'm dreading this holiday season. I have refused to host anymore and my husband supports my decision. But I feel bad for my parents. They are in their 70s and have always had pride in their family.

As our family has branched out, respect has gone completely out the window. Last Thanksgiving we were all on our own. We always invite my parents, but they decline because they don't want to hurt any feelings. We have told them it doesn't matter who they're with, as long as they celebrate with one of us.

I feel like I'm being punished for not having the whole family at my house. If it weren't for my daughter, we would leave during the holidays to avoid the dissension. How do I deal with my feelings and live with myself? I don't understand the disrespect in the young generation. If you say anything about a child's behavior, you are verbally abused and made an outcast. -- GIVING UP IN TEXAS

DEAR GIVING UP: I'm glad you wrote, because you're blaming the wrong people. The disrespect you have described is a direct result of children not having been taught how to behave by their ineffective parents, and because there have been no consequences for bad behavior.

If you are asked why there will be no celebrations at your house this year, tell the questioner it's because you can no longer handle the mess and the damage. It's the truth. And PLEASE don't feel guilty for doing so.

As to your parents, please understand that staying home is THEIR choice. They may prefer to celebrate -- or not -- by themselves. It has no reflection on you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old single mom of 16-month-old twins and in the midst of a career change. I will be entering the legal profession. Some people have told me that courts and lawyers tend to be "conservative" and may frown on single mothers.

My question is, should I wear a ring on my left hand without saying anything about my marital status? Of course, if asked directly, I will say I am not married. But would simply wearing a ring on the third finger of my left hand (perhaps my boys' birthstone?) be considered disingenuous or dishonest? -- PUT A RING ON IT? IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PUT A RING ON IT?: Because of advances in the field of reproductive medicine, women both married and single have been able to safely have children at later ages. However, one of the interesting things about motherhood is that no one can tell by looking who is -- or isn't -- one. Unless you walk into court and announce that you are a single mother, your personal life should not be a distraction to anyone, whether the person is conservative or liberal. There is no disgrace in being a single parent if you can afford to feed and educate the children you have, so stop worrying you'll be labeled with a scarlet letter.

P.S. I see no reason to "put a ring on it" if it's a lie.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-four years ago, the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) and Energizer spotted a disturbing trend. Many fatalities were taking place in homes without working smoke alarms. In response, the "Change Your Clock Change Your Battery" campaign was developed to remind people to test and change their smoke alarm batteries each fall when they turn back their clocks at the end of daylight saving time.

According to the National Fire Protection Association, while 96 percent of American homes have at least one smoke alarm, 19 percent do not have at least one that works! The reason? Missing or dead batteries.

Please remind your readers that when they set their clocks back on Nov. 6, to use the extra hour they gain to change and test the batteries in their smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors.

It is recommended that smoke alarms be replaced every 10 years and be a mix of both ionization and photoelectric alarms to warn against all types of fires. They are the best defense against the devastating effects of a home fire.

Thank you, Abby, for once again joining me in spreading this lifesaving message. -- CHIEF AL GILLESPIE, IAFC PRESIDENT

DEAR AL: Just call me Old Faithful -- I'm glad to help.

Readers, this year the IAFC is encouraging families -- especially moms who understand what it means to be a family's first responder when it comes to family emergencies -- to visit www.facebook.com/energizerbunny and take the pledge to change the batteries in your smoke alarms when changing your clocks.

No one should be hurt or lose a life because of a non-working smoke alarm, yet nearly 3,000 people die each year in home fires. A working smoke alarm will provide extra precious seconds for you and your family to get out safely.

DEAR ABBY: Because I love the out-of-doors, I volunteered to prepare my boyfriend's duck boat for the hunting season. I sanded, primed and detailed the boat and painted cattails on the sides. I bought seats, hardware, even made a full camouflage duck blind on my sewing machine.

My boyfriend is elated and even more excited that I intend to hunt with him. His buddy is not. He has backed out of the hunting trips and refuses to talk to me about the issue.

Should I tell my boyfriend I have changed my mind and save their friendship, or go with him and reward myself for all my hard work? -- AMBUSHED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR AMBUSHED: Do not back out. The person your boyfriend's buddy should be talking to isn't you, it's your boyfriend. His behavior is selfish and childish. A compromise might be in order, but it won't happen unless "the boys" arrange it between themselves. So stay out of the line of fire.

DEAR ABBY: There are people in my life who do not bring me joy -- just drama and petty backstabbing. How do I tactfully remove myself from an individual or group of people? I run into them all the time at business events and restaurants in our small city. -- AT ARM'S LENGTH IN IOWA

DEAR AT ARM'S LENGTH: Unless you're planning on moving to a cave in the Himalayas, there is no way you can completely avoid them. When you see them be friendly, speak in generalities, give them as little information as possible and move on when they start to gossip. It works like a charm.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old mom and have been single for the last 10 years. I live alone with my 11-year-old daughter and support us without assistance. I work full-time and rely on my mother to take my daughter to school and pick her up while I'm at work.

Because of this, anytime I try to have any kind of relationship with a man, my mother turns against me. She acts like I no longer exist as long as I try to have a love life. Please give me some advice on what to do. -- MISSING SOMETHING IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MISSING SOMETHING: I'll try. It is time to become less emotionally dependent on your mother. At age 38, you do not need her blessing to date, and you should make that fact clear to her. If she punishes you for expecting to be treated like the adult you are, then arrange other transportation for your daughter. As long as you allow her to run your life, you will not have a life of your own.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I had a little disagreement the other night when I entered a restaurant holding my seven-day pill container in my hand. (I had decided to leave my bulky purse in the car.) When we sat down, I placed the container on the table next to my place setting. Doing this helps me to remember to take the pills with my meal.

My daughter said it was "tacky" to show my pills and container. I feel it wasn't tacky at all, but my way of taking care of my health. After going back and forth on this subject, I told her I would get your opinion. My husband took my daughter's side. -- LOOKING OUT FOR MY HEALTH IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING: Allow me to even up the odds by taking your side. Certain medications must be taken with food, and if bringing the pill container with you ensured that you wouldn't forget to take your dose in a timely manner, then more power to you. That your daughter and your husband would criticize your manners in a case like this troubles me more than any "breach of etiquette" that might have occurred. And, by the way, what you did wasn't one.

DEAR ABBY: You sometimes publish letters regarding random acts of kindness. I know people like to share how blessed they are that others have given to them. Well, I would like to share how being the giver is a blessing as well.

My children and I eat lunch out on Saturdays. Most recently, we went to one of our favorite restaurants. As we were being seated, I noticed an elderly gentleman eating alone. He read the paper, ate his meal and kept to himself. I was struck by how alone he seemed to be. All during the lunch, I couldn't shake the feeling that I should reach out.

Finally, I gave in. I went to the counter and paid for his meal.

When the waitress brought our check to the table, she asked if we knew the man. I responded no, that we just wanted to do something nice. She then confided to me that he was a regular there, but she hadn't seen him lately because he had just lost his wife.

Abby, I was so glad I had followed my heart and reached out. I can only pray that he was as pleased by my anonymous gift as I was to give it. -- RECEIVING BY GIVING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR RECEIVING BY GIVING: I'm sure he was. Your letter illustrates the pleasure that comes when we follow the dictates of our hearts. I applaud your generous gesture.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)