DEAR ABBY: My son invited two friends to our home for the weekend. We had never met them before, but they seemed nice.

At bedtime, the young man was on the couch and the girl was in our spare bedroom. In the middle of the night, I was awakened to loud lovemaking noises. They grew louder and louder, and the headboard was banging against our bedroom wall. My husband and I were mortified. Finally, I banged on the wall and it stopped. We couldn't believe these kids would act that way in someone's home.

They left before breakfast, so we didn't have to face them in the morning. What was proper here? Would it have been appropriate to knock on the bedroom door and ask the guy -- or both of them -- to leave?

I told my son about it the next day. He was embarrassed and apologized for his friends. What should we do if this ever happens again? -- RED-FACED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RED-FACED: Unless you first required your son's friends to sign an abstinence pledge before bedding down at your place, you were right not to have evicted them before morning. Next time, keep this from happening by having your son tip them off at bedtime that you're light sleepers and prefer not to be awakened by "nocturnal whoopee."

DEAR ABBY: When I'm reading a book, my husband chooses that moment to begin a conversation. If I don't immediately put it down and give him my full attention, he gets upset and says I'm being rude to continue reading and not talk to him.

I think it's rude of him to interrupt me when I'm reading. These aren't important conversations or even questions he needs immediate answers to. They are conversations we could easily share over dinner, or later when I'm not reading.

I love to read, but as a busy mom I rarely have the time. Being interrupted during those rare moments drives me crazy and makes me feel even crazier when I'm accused of being rude if I don't want to chat right then. Who's right and who's rude? -- TRYING TO FINISH MY BOOK

DEAR TRYING TO FINISH: Frankly, I think your husband is right. He may not need the answer to his question as much as he needs your companionship at the time he's reaching out. If finishing a chapter is so important that you can't take a few minutes and talk with him, then suggest that in 15 to 20 minutes you can give him the rest of the evening to talk. If my husband is involved in a project, or I am, that's what we do, and it works for us.

DEAR ABBY: How do you handle a relative who seems to think your house is her own personal garage sale site? She rifles through my closets, brings out clothing, and then asks, "What can I pay you for this?" She also looks around our garage for items that are being stored and asks the same question.

She would never act this way at a friend's home, but somehow it's different with me. By the way, she's my sister. -- NO SALE IN AUSTIN

DEAR NO SALE: Because it's your sister and not some nervy acquaintance, be light-handed in your response. Smile and say, "I'm not ready to let it go, but when I am, you'll be the first to know." Then get her out of your closet or garage and direct the conversation elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: "Pregnant with Apprehension" (Sept. 9) said she's dreading the birth of her second baby because her fiance's mother wants to witness the birth. Apparently, "PWA" wants only her mother and her fiance, "Cliff," in the delivery room. You said her wishes should be paramount. I agree.

I am a labor and delivery RN in a major medical center in California. More and more people today view birth as a sporting event. It's worse when the mother-in-law wants to be there because "it's her right."

"PWA" should let Cliff know if he can't stand up to his mom, her labor nurse will! I will be the one who informs visitors that it's hospital policy that there be only two people at the bedside, and there is no bending the rule. That way, the mother-in-law can hate the nurse, but not her daughter-in-law or her son. I'll willingly take the heat for my patient if it means a better labor outcome for her and the family. -- "BECAUSE I SAID SO"

DEAR "BECAUSE": Thank you for agreeing with me. However, those who disagreed shared experiences that are worth noting. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: For "PWA" to say she doesn't want Cliff's parents to see their grandchild for two weeks is selfish, and I don't think she should demand that her fiance back her up on this. Her mother is going to be there from the moment of birth. While it's understandable she doesn't want anyone else in the delivery room, she shouldn't be surprised that his mother is hurt. His parents have a lot to offer and can be a big help to her.

Cliff needs to tell "PWA" she's being unreasonable. I wish my son had spoken up on my behalf. Being shut out of this blessed event is hurtful and causes tension. She has the right to dictate who is in the delivery room with her, but she shouldn't deny his parents their right to be a part of their grandchildren's lives. -- BLESSED TO BE A NANA

DEAR ABBY: I didn't want my in-laws in the delivery room either, but I was sensitive to the fact that they are just as much family as my parents. My solution was to have just my husband present for the birth. Blending families together used to hold a greater importance, and I feel for parents who are feeling left out of their children's lives. -- MAGGIE IN AIKEN, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: As a young mom, I almost always went to my parents for support, baby-sitting, etc. However, now that one of my sons has a baby of his own, I see the other side of the coin. It hurts not to enjoy the kind of relationship with the baby that my daughter-in-law's parents have. There must be middle ground.

While I would never invite myself into her delivery room (although it would have been nice to have been asked), or assume I could stay in their home immediately after the birth, some effort to include me should have been shown. I agree Cliff needs to explain to his parents the logistics of the situation, but in a way that still assures them they will have their special time, too. -- THE OTHER GRANDMA

DEAR ABBY: If "PWA's" mother is staying with her, she should make sure the paternal grandmother helps with new baby duties for a few days as well. The bridges that are built now will go a long way later in life. She needs to think about the long-term relationship being built for the children. Cliff needs to be a dad, not a frat boy. But both of them need to grow up. -- KAREN IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbor's son, "Donny," has become a regular fixture in our home. His parents divorced years ago, and his father is terminally ill.

Donny has "adopted" me as a father figure. We have spent a great deal of time together. Not having a son -- I have daughters -- I admit that being with him is a novelty.

My wife, on the other hand, feels no one should "infiltrate" her family. There are few boys in our neighborhood, and Donny isn't old enough to venture to other streets in search of playmates. I can't bring myself to turn him away knowing how lonely he is and how difficult his life will become. I worry that he's a prime candidate for a predator, or that he could start drinking or smoking at an early age. I'd rather have him in our house where I know he's safe.

My wife says we can't save everyone, and I know that. But when I hear about the bad things that happen to kids on the news, it makes me wonder where was someone who could have helped them.

How can I get my wife to see this is a chance to make a difference in this boy's life, and that he's no threat to our family unit? -- FRIEND OF A LONELY CHILD

DEAR FRIEND: Your wife appears to be responding to Donny on an emotional rather than a rational level. Because she didn't "produce" a son, she views the time or emotional nourishment that you give Donny as something being taken away from her daughters. That's sad.

It's possible that a religious adviser could help her to view this differently, but if she can't find sympathy in her heart for the boy, then I recommend you talk to Donny's mother about finding a Big Brother for him, through her religious denomination.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Victor," is hearing-impaired. He wears hearing aids in both ears. The aids are small and not easily seen.

Recently we were in a new doctor's office, and the nurse was talking to my son but looking in another direction. When I explained that Victor is hearing-impaired and couldn't hear her, she replied, "Oh, I know teenagers -- selective hearing." I said, "No, he is hearing-impaired and wears hearing aids."

The same thing happened at summer camp. My husband said Victor has a hearing problem, and the counselor responded with, "So I need to smack him on the side of his head to get him to listen?"

Please inform your readers that hearing aids aren't just for older people. My son has informed people he wears hearing aids because he can't hear well, and he still gets the same smart-alecky retorts. Have you any suggestions? -- NOT BEING FLIPPANT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT BEING FLIPPANT: Oh, yes. The nurse in your doctor's office was tactless. If she didn't apologize for her comment, you should have mentioned it to the doctor so he could educate her not only about hearing loss, but also about diplomacy. As to the ignorant camp counselor, your husband should have immediately reported it to the camp director.

After reading your letter, I consulted Dr. Rick Friedman at the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles, who told me that approximately one in 2,000 children is born with hearing problems. (There is a genetic component, and hearing problems can run in families.) Being subjected to loud noises can also have a negative impact on hearing, and Dr. Friedman said studies are being conducted to determine to what extent.