DEAR ABBY: I have a problem that happens once a year -- my birthday at work. There's a huge potluck with cake, banners, gifts and a card that has been circulating around the office for a week. I cringe at the attention. Everyone means well, but these celebrations are pure torture for me. I'm a 7-year-old all over again, trying my best to keep the anxiety and waterworks in check.

It goes back to my childhood. Growing up, we were very poor, and my parents made it clear that sacrifices had been made for my "big day," which always ended up with me guilt-ridden and in tears.

As an adult, I celebrate my birthday with my husband and son. We keep it low-key and I'm surrounded by the unconditional love I craved as a child.

I have tried bowing out and asked that gifts be made to charity instead, but I am told, "Oh, come on! We all have to go through this." I went so far as to confide to the party planners why I'm so uncomfortable. To my horror, a few of them began complaining about how hard they worked pulling everything together or how late they stayed up baking the cake, etc. It was like hearing my parents all over again.

Am I being too sensitive? I'd appreciate your opinion. -- SPARE ME IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SPARE ME: Because you have tried talking to your co-workers about the special circumstances surrounding your reason for not wanting an office celebration, it's time to talk to your supervisor or someone in human resources. I see no reason why you should have to suffer emotional stress so that everyone can have a party on your birthday.

And no, you are not being too sensitive. The party-planners have been insensitive.

DEAR ABBY: My mother never liked my paternal grandmother. Grandma "Jane" was tolerated, but often treated as an object of ridicule or contempt. My sister unquestioningly absorbed my mother's prejudice against her and is blatantly rude to her.

Over the years I have grown close to Grandma Jane. My husband and I visit her regularly. Dad knows, but says it's better if Mom doesn't know.

Grandma has asked me several times if I know why Mom dislikes her. She's in her 90s, isolated from her family and desperately searching for answers. I can only imagine it stems from some disagreement dating back to before I was born.

I am also sad that Dad won't visit his mother because Mom won't go with him. I can't believe Grandma Jane has done anything to deserve being forced to die alone, and it hurts knowing my mother would be so vindictive out of spite.

Grandma's good health can't last forever. I worry what will happen when she can no longer live independently. I believe in reconciliation, tolerance and a little maturity, but I know I am in the minority. What can I possibly do? -- LOYAL DAUGHTER, CARING GRANDDAUGHTER

DEAR LOYAL AND CARING: Not knowing the details of what caused the rift, I'm advising you to do as your father has suggested. If he were stronger, he would have insisted decades ago that his mother be treated with respect. That he would allow her to be ridiculed or treated rudely in his presence while he remained silent is shameful.

While you can't heal the breach, you can remain caring and supportive of your grandmother. When she can no longer live independently, she will need someone to help her or to move her to assisted living. The ideal person to watch over her then would be you.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2012! While the last year has been tumultuous for many of us, a new one is here, bringing with it our chance for a fresh start.

Today is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's Resolutions, which were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader who lives in New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bandages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Kayla" and I are 12 and in seventh grade. Recently, Kayla informed me that she has acquired a new boyfriend. I didn't mind when she showed me all his lovey-dovey texts. I thought they were adorable.

When I asked Kayla why her boyfriend didn't sit with us at lunch, she laughed and said, "Oh, he doesn't go to school here. He's a junior in high school." That's why I'm writing.

Kayla is telling me that she and "Jacob" are making out, and their texts are getting progressively worse. Plus, Kayla has said her parents are taking her and Jacob to a concert. The concert is out of town and they will be renting a hotel room. I'm worried for my friend.

Am I incorrect for thinking this is wrong? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR WORRIED FRIEND: I agree with you that at 12, Kayla is too young to have a 16-year-old boyfriend. That her parents give her enough unsupervised time with him that they're involved in makeout sessions is also troubling. If this continues, Kayla could become pregnant and Jacob could be accused of statutory rape -- even if Kayla was a willing participant.

Talk to your mother about what's going on. She may want to chat with Kayla's parents about this and mention the texts Jacob is sending their daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question that may seem odd, but I hope you can give me an answer.

I know children can tell when a parent favors one sibling over another. What about cats? I adopted two cats -- not littermates -- from a shelter. While I love them both, one drives me crazy and the other is a sweet lovebug. Naturally, I prefer the sweet, cuddly one.

Can the kitty that drives me nuts tell that I prefer his "sister" over him? -- LOVE 'EM BOTH, REALLY, ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR LOVE 'EM BOTH: While I'm more of a people expert than an animal behaviorist, let me share this. Cats and dogs, after thousands of years of living so closely with us humans, are indeed sensitive to human emotions. They can tell when we're happy, when we are nervous and when we're depressed. If you lavish affection and/or treats on one and not the other, it can create jealousy.

You don't know the history of the cats you adopted. It's possible the one that makes you "crazy" had less human contact than "Lovebug" or was mistreated in some way. With patience and positive reinforcement he may come around, so please don't give up on him.

DEAR ABBY: One of my brothers, "Carl," walked away from our family 18 years ago. My parents are elderly and in poor health. When they pass, how do we refer to this sibling in the obituary? -- DRAWING A BLANK IN OHIO

DEAR DRAWING A BLANK: The entire family history does not have to be revealed in the obituary. All it should say is, "Survivors include: daughter Wendy, (husband, if there is one) of Ohio; son George, (wife); and son Carl." If you know where Carl is, include the information. If not, his name should be enough.

DEAR READERS: The year is almost over. Am I the only one who can't believe how fast it has gone? Incredible! From the bottom of my heart, I wish all of you a happy, healthy and prosperous 2012. If you plan on driving tonight, please don't drink. And if you'll be drinking tonight, please don't drive. Stay safe, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY