DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school and my sister is a junior. She plays violin in our school orchestra (first chair), gets straight A's in all her classes (honors and AP courses) and is gorgeous and popular. I, on the other hand, am socially awkward, spend most of my time with my nose jammed in a book, barely get A's in my few honors courses and play in the school band.

I have a few close friends, but most of them aren't in any of my classes so I eat lunch alone. I don't want to be popular; I just want to stop being jealous of my sister. How can I do that when anything I do that's good is overshadowed by all her accomplishments? -- LIVING IN THE SHADOWS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LIVING IN THE SHADOWS: It would be helpful if you would stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are an individual, and individuals do not all blossom at the same rate. You have accomplishments you should be proud of. You play an instrument, you are in some honors courses, and you are a reader. The time you spend with your "nose jammed in a book" will pay off later because you are developing your mind.

I recommend you find an area of interest that your sister hasn't tried, and develop that. It's a way to excel at something in your own right, and make some new acquaintances so you aren't lost in the glare of your sister's spotlight.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old woman. My boyfriend of two years and I are having issues because of his irresponsibility. He's a great guy with a heart of gold, but he can't keep a job. He has quit the same job three times within the last 12 months and now is fully unemployed.

I have been confiding in a female friend who happens to be a lesbian. Her understanding and compassion have brought us a lot closer than I could have ever imagined. Honestly, I am not attracted to women, but there's something going on in my heart for her. She knows how I feel and has expressed interest in taking our friendship to a different level, but I'm not sure I can do it. Homosexuality is not accepted in my family, and I wouldn't be comfortable about being open in public with another woman. Can you help me decide what to do? -- ANONYMOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You may not be attracted to women, but you appear to be attracted to this one. Your disappointment in your boyfriend's inability to hold a job is not the issue here. The issue is your fear of your family's disapproval and your embarrassment about being open about your attraction if it turns out to be more powerful than you want to admit. Whether you ignore your feelings or follow through on them, you will pay a price. My advice is be true to yourself, but make sure you think long and hard before acting.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced and have chosen to go back to using my maiden name. The divorce was a long time in coming and, frankly, I'm happy about it. What's bothering me is the reaction I get from most people about my name change. Many of them assume that a name change equals marriage -- so I am often congratulated. What lighthearted response can I give to those folks to set them straight? -- UNATTACHED IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR UNATTACHED: Say, "Thank you for the congratulations, but this is the name I was born with."

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago I received a large white envelope from a friend I had been close to in high school. "Jen" returned every letter, card and note I had written to her throughout our four years of school. She thanked me for being a good friend and thought I might like to have them.

I can't tell you how upsetting it was to read how awful I was as a teenager. I was promiscuous, used foul language and made references to experimenting with drugs. It brought back so many terrible memories that I had blocked.

I have been married for 23 years and have three children who would be crushed if they discovered my past. I don't know what to do. The letters are full of history and my innermost feelings. Some passages are humorous and the thoughts of a silly teenager talking to a dear friend. I can't bring myself to throw them away and have hidden them in my hope chest. What should I do with them? -- SECRETS OF THE PAST

DEAR SECRETS: The problem with the written word is that it often outlives the writer. If you don't want your children or grandchildren to remember you through your true confessions, censor them NOW. Unless you're "hoping" your family will discover the letters after you're gone, you should destroy them. However, if they contain memories you would like to keep, copy the passages down and place those in your hope chest.

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually assaulted two years ago by a boy at a party I attended while away at school. I reported the incident to local and campus police, but there wasn't enough evidence to have him arrested. It took me a while to realize I needed help to deal with it. I'm looking for a counselor and hope to volunteer at a rape crisis center after I have gotten the help I need.

I have learned that the man who attacked me is getting married. I don't know his fiancee, but I'm horrified at the thought of this unsuspecting woman marrying a predator. I know if I do nothing, anything that happens to her or their children is on my hands for staying silent. I don't even know if she'd believe me, but I feel I have to try. Some advice, please, Abby. -- ANXIOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANXIOUS: You are not alone. According the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly one in five women report having been raped or suffered an attempted rape in their lifetime. If there is a rape crisis center near you, contact it now and let the counselors there counsel and guide you in your healing. If you approach your predator's fiancee at this point, you probably won't be believed. Not being believed is like being raped twice. So get some professional help before you attempt to reach out to her.

DEAR ABBY: I am very fair-skinned and turn red easily, especially when I'm nervous or embarrassed. It has made me afraid to speak in public or to go to large events where there may be a lot of people. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this? -- BLUSHING EVEN NOW IN PHOENIX

DEAR BLUSHING: What you have described may be a symptom of social phobia, the most common form of an anxiety disorder. There are effective treatments for it, and you can find out more about them by discussing your problem with your physician and/or a psychologist. You might also benefit from attending a phobia support group. The psychologist can help you locate one or more of them in your community.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Mandy," was invited to a friend's birthday party along with 12 other girls. They were told to meet at the mall where they'd "go shopping" together, then go for a sleepover afterward.

The birthday girl told her friends to bring money as gifts. Well, she raked in more than $300 then proceeded to spend it all on herself while her friends stood and watched. Mandy returned home the next day and told me that although the girl spent the money on herself, her mom did buy them each a beverage.

Abby, I gave my daughter $20 to go to the party, thinking the money would be for all of their fun -- not the birthday girl's financial gain. I thought your readers might want to learn from my mistake. These days, a birthday party may not be a party at all! -- HORRIFIED IN WICHITA

DEAR HORRIFIED: While this may have been shocking to you, the kind of party you have described may be acceptable to your daughter and her circle of friends. The birthday girl's intentions could have been made more clear -- she requested money as gifts and instructed everyone to meet at the mall. However, they accepted the invitation on her terms. The sleepover may have been the party. I hope they were fed after the mall crawl because they must have been starving.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died unexpectedly last year, three months before my 18th birthday. He had been kicked out of the house a few months prior to that because he was a horrible alcoholic who destroyed everything he ever cared about. He froze to death, alone.

My boyfriend is my soul mate. He has been my only source of support since Dad died. Mom ignores everything and has left me alone to go through all of this, spending my Social Security on vacations we could never have afforded before. My best friend is away at school in a different state and I'm more alone than ever. How am I supposed to survive all this alone? -- ALWAYS ALONE

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your father, who paid the ultimate price for his addiction. You write well and are obviously intelligent. If you're still in school, counseling may be available for you if there is a counselor on staff. Because your mother is emotionally unavailable and your best friend is out of state, your friend's mother might be willing to listen and advise you during this difficult period.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a widow. She says she no longer wants to be addressed as Mrs. because she is not married. I thought that once married you were always a Mrs. unless you choose to be a Ms. Isn't it proper for a widow to be addressed as Mrs.? -- DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: As a widow your mother-in-law can continue to use her married name -- or adopt any name she chooses. If she prefers not to be called Mrs. her wishes should be respected. Some widows prefer to be called "Mrs. John Jones" for the rest of their lives, while others do not. If your mother-in-law prefers "Ms. Betty Jones," that's fine, too. It's a personal choice.