DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Kate," and her sister, "Judy," do not get along, to the point that my wife refuses to be in the same room with her. I have a class reunion coming up, and Judy is in my class.

Because we're not sure Judy will show up, Kate has said she will attend -- but she'll leave if Judy arrives. We had planned on going in separate cars so Kate could escape if necessary. But now she says if Judy puts in an appearance, she'll be upset with me if I don't leave with her.

I don't get along with Judy either, but I'd like the chance to catch up with other classmates. Kate feels my not leaving with her would demonstrate a lack of support. I don't want my wife's antipathy toward her sister to cause me to be penalized. What to do? -- IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN: Remind your wife that it's your reunion, not hers. Tell her you plan to go and catch up with your former classmates, and if she'd like to accompany you, you would love to have her at your side. If Judy shows up, it will be two against one. But if seeing Judy would be too upsetting for her, you'll understand if she decides to stay home. It's her choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mature woman who has been seeing a gentleman for five months. We have dinner together, go dancing, watch movies, have game nights with friends, etc. We are together at least four nights a week, and each night it ends the same way. We sit close, hold hands for almost an hour, kiss for several minutes, hug, and then go our separate ways. I'm ready for more.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for marriage. But along with really enjoying his company, I'm very physically attracted to him. We're both kind of shy.

Can you suggest any non-threatening way to bring up the subject of becoming more intimate? Or should I continue to just wait for him to make a move? -- STUCK AT FIRST BASE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STUCK AT FIRST BASE: I assume that the gentleman you're seeing is also "mature." Has it occurred to you that he may no longer be able to perform in that department? And if not, how will that affect you?

The time is right to broach the subject of what's missing. A way to go about it would be to tell him you care about him and ask him if you are attractive to him -- and if the answer is yes, follow up by asking why he has been hesitant to take your relationship any further. Then listen.

DEAR ABBY: How do you curb a sweet tooth? I sometimes wake up with the urge to eat sweets at night. This is a big weakness of mine. -- NEEDS TO CURB THE CRAVING

DEAR NEEDS: I'm glad you asked, because it gives me a chance to share a technique that works for me. When you have a sweets craving, get up and go brush your teeth! When you're done, the craving will be less.

DEAR ABBY: I'm fortunate to be married to an amazing woman. There's just one problem. She's convinced that I'm going to burn down the house. She constantly nags me when I'm cooking, even when I'm literally standing over the pots. I find her tone -- and the idea that I don't know how to use a stove -- insulting.

She insists I have the burner on too high when I'm making spaghetti, and it will somehow result in a catastrophe far worse than a ruined meal. I find it extremely annoying because I am 30, served my country honorably in Iraq, have been making spaghetti since I was 12 and have never caused any sort of kitchen fire.

My wife hasn't cooked for me in more than a year. That doesn't upset me because I know she works hard to earn money for our family. But if she doesn't cook for me and I'm not allowed to cook for me, then how am I supposed to eat?

Is there anything I can do to make my wife understand that I can be trusted to make a simple meal on a simple stove? -- PASTA GUY IN PHILLY

DEAR PASTA GUY: Probably not, if you haven't been able to convey that message in more than a year. So insist that she stay out of the kitchen while you're cooking, or prepare your meals after she has left for work. Or expand your repertoire beyond spaghetti and make a salad instead.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old high school student with a wonderful life, but I'm not happy. I get good grades, have many great friends, a weekend job and an amazing boyfriend. (He's 17.)

The problem is I'm bored. I have had only one technical boyfriend besides the one I have now. I had two "flings" where I got involved with guys without an official or physical relationship. I know most teenagers would kill for a boyfriend like mine who buys them things and tells them they're beautiful. But I want a relationship with ups and downs -- drama and fighting. Am I crazy to want to date other people, or is this normal? -- LOST IN LOVE

DEAR LOST IN LOVE: You're not crazy. It is normal for some teenage girls to want variety. However, please don't equate the kind of drama you see on TV and in films with what real life is supposed to be about. Relationships filled with drama and fighting do not have happy outcomes. They can lead to bruised hearts and sometimes violence.

If you want to end the relationship with your boyfriend, by all means do so. But before you become involved in the kind of relationship you think would be exciting, please discuss it with your mother or another trusted adult, because a mature person with insight should share some of it with you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother gives gifts -- sometimes very generous ones -- but always with strings attached. She also keeps a record of which recipients have responded with appropriate gratitude (cards, phone calls) and those who have not. Those individuals on the "not" list are ridiculed behind their backs and slighted in other ways.

My mother considers herself a "good Christian," but I believe her actions are selfish, and I have conflicting emotions when I receive gifts from her. What do you think? -- CONFLICTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should always thank your mother graciously and appropriately for her generosity when she gives you a gift, if only because it is considered good manners.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school and my sister is a junior. She plays violin in our school orchestra (first chair), gets straight A's in all her classes (honors and AP courses) and is gorgeous and popular. I, on the other hand, am socially awkward, spend most of my time with my nose jammed in a book, barely get A's in my few honors courses and play in the school band.

I have a few close friends, but most of them aren't in any of my classes so I eat lunch alone. I don't want to be popular; I just want to stop being jealous of my sister. How can I do that when anything I do that's good is overshadowed by all her accomplishments? -- LIVING IN THE SHADOWS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LIVING IN THE SHADOWS: It would be helpful if you would stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are an individual, and individuals do not all blossom at the same rate. You have accomplishments you should be proud of. You play an instrument, you are in some honors courses, and you are a reader. The time you spend with your "nose jammed in a book" will pay off later because you are developing your mind.

I recommend you find an area of interest that your sister hasn't tried, and develop that. It's a way to excel at something in your own right, and make some new acquaintances so you aren't lost in the glare of your sister's spotlight.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old woman. My boyfriend of two years and I are having issues because of his irresponsibility. He's a great guy with a heart of gold, but he can't keep a job. He has quit the same job three times within the last 12 months and now is fully unemployed.

I have been confiding in a female friend who happens to be a lesbian. Her understanding and compassion have brought us a lot closer than I could have ever imagined. Honestly, I am not attracted to women, but there's something going on in my heart for her. She knows how I feel and has expressed interest in taking our friendship to a different level, but I'm not sure I can do it. Homosexuality is not accepted in my family, and I wouldn't be comfortable about being open in public with another woman. Can you help me decide what to do? -- ANONYMOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You may not be attracted to women, but you appear to be attracted to this one. Your disappointment in your boyfriend's inability to hold a job is not the issue here. The issue is your fear of your family's disapproval and your embarrassment about being open about your attraction if it turns out to be more powerful than you want to admit. Whether you ignore your feelings or follow through on them, you will pay a price. My advice is be true to yourself, but make sure you think long and hard before acting.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced and have chosen to go back to using my maiden name. The divorce was a long time in coming and, frankly, I'm happy about it. What's bothering me is the reaction I get from most people about my name change. Many of them assume that a name change equals marriage -- so I am often congratulated. What lighthearted response can I give to those folks to set them straight? -- UNATTACHED IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR UNATTACHED: Say, "Thank you for the congratulations, but this is the name I was born with."