DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating "Mike" for four years. We met in our senior year of college and recently became engaged. I'm looking forward to being married and starting a family, but there's one "small" problem. I'm in love with Mike's identical twin brother, "Matt."

Mike and Matt are identical in appearance, but Matt is funnier, more outgoing and affectionate than my fiance. I didn't know he existed until a year ago because they had a falling out at their high school graduation and didn't reconcile until recently.

When I met Matt, I knew right away he was the one for me, but I continued dating Mike because I didn't want to ruin his re-established relationship with his brother. Matt reciprocates my feelings. He has told me he's in love with me and wants to date me.

I know I shouldn't have accepted Mike's proposal, but I don't want to hurt him or start another fight between him and his twin, but I also don't want to be married to the wrong man for the rest of my life. I'm unsure what to do. The wedding date has been set. Help! -- IN LOVE WITH THE DOUBLE

DEAR IN LOVE: You should have put the brakes on the relationship with Mike the minute you realized you were attracted to Matt. The engagement should be ended immediately. That you would not only continue to date Mike but also accept his proposal of marriage knowing you were more attracted to his twin was cruel.

If Matt starts seeing you after the breakup, it will probably cause a permanent rift between them. It will be interesting to see what happens when you become available because with some people the "apple" that's just out of reach is the one that's most enticing -- and you may wind up married to neither brother.

DEAR ABBY: My 4-year-old son made a snowman in our front yard and then went inside to take a nap. Our neighbor came over with his son -- age 16 -- to talk to my husband.

When I brought my 3-year-old daughter outside to see the snowman her brother made, I was horrified to see it was now "anatomically correct"! I asked my husband who did it, and he said it was the neighbor's son. My husband thought it was funny and that I was overreacting.

I think the behavior was inappropriate, and the fact that my daughter saw it and wondered what was "hanging on the snowman" was no laughing matter. If the neighbor wanted to make an X-rated snowman, he should have made it in his own front yard. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? -- FAILS TO SEE THE HUMOR

DEAR FAILS TO SEE THE HUMOR: Yes, I do. While I agree the neighbor boy's "artistic endeavor" was in poor taste, it provided an opportunity to answer your daughter's question in a matter-of-fact way and explain there are anatomical differences between boys and girls. You could also have explained that private parts are not supposed to be displayed in public, and asked your husband to remove them as you took your little girl back into the house. Seeing the snowman would not traumatize your daughter as much as seeing you shocked and upset.

DEAR ABBY: Recently my 80-year-old mother was admitted to the hospital, gravely ill. She had been undergoing chemotherapy and caught double pneumonia. My 36-year-old niece went to visit Mama, took pictures of her lying in her hospital bed and emailed the photos to everyone.

It was shocking and upsetting seeing my mother this way. Many of the people who received the photos had not been able to visit her. Abby, what's your opinion on this, and how should it have been handled? -- SINCERELY UPSET IN FLORIDA

DEAR SINCERELY UPSET: I don't blame you for being upset. What your niece did was a gross invasion of privacy. Is this how your mother would have wanted people to see her? If the answer is no, your niece owes your mother an apology.

If your mother is still hospitalized, talk to the nurse in charge of the unit she's in and give her a list of visitors who should have access to her. Explain why you want visitation restricted, and in the future your mother's privacy will be assured.

DEAR ABBY: My sister's husband died suddenly three years ago. "Pamela" now says she's in love with a 60-year-old man I'll call "Mickey," whose company is doing construction work on her home. She has put on a new roof, siding and added a deck, and the jobs are not ending. Next on the schedule is a shed and a new coat of paint for the inside of the house.

Friends and family are concerned that Pamela is scheduling more jobs as a way to see Mickey. When I pointed out that he hasn't even invited her out for coffee, she claimed they have a "relationship" because he hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and told her, "You're my girlfriend."

Pamela has invited Mickey to family dinners and events, but he turns her down because "he's visiting relatives out of town." He has never invited her to go anywhere.

My sister should be ready to date now, but no one lives up to this man. None of us have met him, and we're worried she is just imagining there's a relationship. What can we do before Pamela goes broke or crashes emotionally? -- SOMETHING'S MISSING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOMETHING'S MISSING: Do you know the name of Mickey's company? Start checking him out. Does he have a contractor's license? A Facebook page? Does anybody in the lumber or paint business know him? Something does seem fishy. Mickey may be married and your sister may be grasping at straws. But when all is said and done, it is her money.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who needs your advice. My friend and I went shopping a while back and she lent me money to buy a few things. However, later that day she lost the bag that had my stuff in it at the mall. One day she brought up that I have not paid her back, but I said I don't think I should have to pay her back since she lost the stuff she bought for me. Who do you think is right? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: You are. She's out the money; you're out the "goods." You're even. However, from now on when you buy something, take responsibility for it and keep it in your possession. That way, if something is lost, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Kate," and her sister, "Judy," do not get along, to the point that my wife refuses to be in the same room with her. I have a class reunion coming up, and Judy is in my class.

Because we're not sure Judy will show up, Kate has said she will attend -- but she'll leave if Judy arrives. We had planned on going in separate cars so Kate could escape if necessary. But now she says if Judy puts in an appearance, she'll be upset with me if I don't leave with her.

I don't get along with Judy either, but I'd like the chance to catch up with other classmates. Kate feels my not leaving with her would demonstrate a lack of support. I don't want my wife's antipathy toward her sister to cause me to be penalized. What to do? -- IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN: Remind your wife that it's your reunion, not hers. Tell her you plan to go and catch up with your former classmates, and if she'd like to accompany you, you would love to have her at your side. If Judy shows up, it will be two against one. But if seeing Judy would be too upsetting for her, you'll understand if she decides to stay home. It's her choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mature woman who has been seeing a gentleman for five months. We have dinner together, go dancing, watch movies, have game nights with friends, etc. We are together at least four nights a week, and each night it ends the same way. We sit close, hold hands for almost an hour, kiss for several minutes, hug, and then go our separate ways. I'm ready for more.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for marriage. But along with really enjoying his company, I'm very physically attracted to him. We're both kind of shy.

Can you suggest any non-threatening way to bring up the subject of becoming more intimate? Or should I continue to just wait for him to make a move? -- STUCK AT FIRST BASE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STUCK AT FIRST BASE: I assume that the gentleman you're seeing is also "mature." Has it occurred to you that he may no longer be able to perform in that department? And if not, how will that affect you?

The time is right to broach the subject of what's missing. A way to go about it would be to tell him you care about him and ask him if you are attractive to him -- and if the answer is yes, follow up by asking why he has been hesitant to take your relationship any further. Then listen.

DEAR ABBY: How do you curb a sweet tooth? I sometimes wake up with the urge to eat sweets at night. This is a big weakness of mine. -- NEEDS TO CURB THE CRAVING

DEAR NEEDS: I'm glad you asked, because it gives me a chance to share a technique that works for me. When you have a sweets craving, get up and go brush your teeth! When you're done, the craving will be less.