DEAR ABBY: I have been married 18 years. In that time my husband has been unfaithful twice. Last week I was going through his cellphone and noticed from his emails that he had registered on a dating service and was exchanging photos with four women. I threw him out of the house.

What really upsets me is my 17-year-old son knew about the affairs and thinks it's perfectly normal for his dad to have female "friends" while we were still living together. I don't like what my soon-to-be-ex did to me, and I don't want my son thinking it's OK to start looking while you're still married.

My son finds ways to excuse his father's behavior. How can I make him understand that looking for other partners while you're married is being unfaithful? -- TEXAS WIFE WHO'S HAD IT

DEAR HAD IT: That may not be easy. Your husband, by making your son his co-conspirator ("It'll just be between us guys"), has made him a member of the "boys club" and cliqued you out. Has your son not seen how painful this has been for you? Your almost ex-husband is a terrible role model. When your son follows in Dad's footsteps -- and there is every reason to believe he will -- he will never have a successful marriage of his own.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years. In the beginning, we'd split our visits between her house and mine because we live 100 miles apart.

Two years ago she stopped wanting me to come to her house. She'd say it was dirty or that she didn't want anyone there. When we plan to have me go there, the day arrives and she says she wants to break up with me because I insist on visiting her. Over the past year and a half, I have been to her place only three times. She hemmed and hawed but finally allowed it.

She claims there's no reason she's acting this way, that I'm crazy and people are putting ideas in my head. I tell her it's her behavior that makes me think she's hiding something. What should I do? -- SUSPICIOUS IN BUFFALO

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Something strange is going on. A drastic change in someone's behavior is legitimate cause for concern. Clearly your girlfriend has a secret. She may be seeing someone or there's something else she doesn't want you to see. You are overdue in getting to the bottom of it, so stop allowing her to put you on the defensive, even if it means ending the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a wedding gift in the form of a donation to a religious organization in honor of our nuptials. I am strongly opposed to this organization because it excludes women from its primary mission due to beliefs I do not share. Having found this gesture to be offensive, how do I acknowledge this "gift"? -- NOT IN MY NAME

DEAR NOT IN MY NAME: What a peculiar gift for a wedding. Usually couples receive an item for which they registered, or something they can use or enjoy together. It appears that rather than give you a gift, your guest gave himself/herself a tax deduction.

For the sake of good manners, write the person a short note saying, "Thank you for sharing our special day with us."

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 70 and I'm 68. We have been married for two years. His previous wife was 22 years younger than him, and he seems to delight in bringing the age thing up. I feel so old and insecure. Have you any words of wisdom to offer me? -- THE OLD LADY

DEAR LADY: Two can play your husband's game. The next time he mentions it, tell him the reason she's his "ex" is that he was too old for her -- which is why this time he wised up and picked on somebody "his own size."

DEAR ABBY: For years, I suffered from high blood pressure and diabetes. I never had a clue that they are the two leading causes of kidney failure. After reading in your column about National Kidney Month, I decided to take your suggestion and go to the National Kidney Foundation website at kidney.org.

When I attended their free screening through the Kidney Early Evaluation Program (KEEP), I found out that high blood pressure can damage the kidney's filtering units, that diabetes is the No. 1 risk factor for kidney disease and how important it is to keep them both under control.

That screening was a wake-up call for me. I now take insulin for my diabetes and medication for my blood pressure. I have cut out salt and starch, added lots of vegetables to my diet, and 30 minutes on the stationary bike to my daily routine. My efforts have paid off. Last year when I was screened again at the KEEP, I learned that my kidney function has increased.

Tens of millions of Americans are at risk for kidney disease. Won't you please remind your readers again how important it is to be screened? For me it was a lifesaver. -- JERRYDEAN QUEEN, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR JERRYDEAN: I'm pleased that my column alerted you to your risk for kidney disease, and that you caught it in time.

Readers, March 8 is World Kidney Day. The National Kidney Foundation is again urging Americans to learn the risk factors for kidney disease and be screened so you can prevent damage to these vital organs. For advice on how to stay healthy and a schedule of free screenings -- not only during March but also throughout the year -- visit the National Kidney Foundation online at kidney.org.

DEAR ABBY: Someone gave a very inappropriate eulogy for someone my family cares about dearly. Is it worth it to say something to him? "Alton" lost his mother, a really good person who was loved by many, and he attacked her during his eulogy.

Alton shared quite a few details about his mother's life that no one needed to know. But the bottom line is, she was a good person who made some mistakes toward the end of her life. Alton is arrogant and mean and has a long history of verbally attacking family members.

People are still talking about the eulogy. There were individuals at the service who called him names, and a few walked out in tears. Word spread to people in other states within minutes after the service ended.

Is it worth pointing out to an arrogant jerk that his eulogy was appalling and has caused a lot of anger? Should one of us step forward and say something to him, or just chalk it up to "once a jerk, always a jerk"? -- COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EARS IN ARIZONA

DEAR COULDN'T BELIEVE YOUR EARS: I vote no, because I seriously doubt that anything you could say would shame an arrogant, mean jerk into admitting he made a mistake by speaking disrespectfully of his mother at her funeral. A better way to handle it would be for those who were offended to avoid him. A deafening silence may convey the message more loudly than words.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old student taking courses at a community college. One of my classes is taught by a great professor who also works at a state college teaching other teachers.

After an evening class with him one night, I returned to the classroom because I forgot something and ended up walking with him back to the parking lot. While putting stuff into my car I saw him get into another student's car. I waited a while without them realizing I was there and ended up seeing my professor and this student smoking weed and fooling around.

I feel angry and betrayed knowing he would put his career in danger. They are both consenting adults, but I don't know whether I should report it or not. What do you think? -- BETRAYED STUDENT ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR STUDENT: Unless you have absolute proof that your professor was smoking something other than tobacco, I think you should keep your mouth shut. As you said, he was with another consenting adult. Are you sure your feelings of anger and betrayal aren't jealousy? Because you asked what I think, I'll tell you: Mind your own business.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago my husband and I met a nice couple on a cruise. We had so much fun with them we invited them to our home for a visit.

While they were here I showed them the photo album I had made with our cruise pictures. They were in most of them. It has been three months since their visit and we can't find the album. A few weeks ago, while talking to the wife on the phone I mentioned it. She said we didn't show the album to them but she wished we had. Abby, we know we did!

Should I mention it again or just make a new one and never invite them back? -- MISSING MORE THAN THE PICTURES?

DEAR MISSING: You appear to be seeing the picture clearly now. While the couple may have been charming, they're not nearly as "nice" as you assumed. If you want a record of your cruise, by all means create a second album. (Surely you don't need me to advise you to never invite them back.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 19 years. We have three children and from the outside looking in, you would think we have a wonderful life. But my boyfriend has been unfaithful numerous times, which has caused me to have trust issues and insecurities. I took him back because I wanted our children to be raised in a two-parent home, which is hard to find these days.

The problem is, two years ago I cheated on him. He found out by tracking my phone, bugging the house and monitoring my calls and emails. He "reminds" me of it every day and we argue constantly. I'm sorry it happened, but I still have trust issues because I can't see what he has been up to. I guess my question is -- is this a relationship worth saving? -- GOOD FOR THE GANDER -- GOOD FOR THE GOOSE

DEAR GOOSE: Let's review your letter. Nineteen years as a couple, three kids and he's a serial cheater. You cheated too, and your complaint is that you can't monitor your boyfriend's activities the way he is scrutinizing yours?

Although you say you're staying together for the children, a household filled with anger and suspicion isn't healthy for them or for you. This is not a relationship worth saving in my book.