DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband likes to call to ask me for advice. Our most recent conversation was in regard to his girlfriend and her sexual past, which he knew about before they started dating. He now disapproves of her history and he began calling her unpleasant names. He tells me he deserves better but intends to stay with her until he gets bored.

Hearing this sort of talk gives me a stomachache and heartburn. I feel terrible for the woman. I want to be a friend to my ex, but I'm not sure I can handle the stress it causes. He has had a hard life, and I didn't make it any easier by divorcing him.

Is the only solution not to take his calls, like my friends tell me? I'm not sure I can do that without major guilt. -- WISCONSIN READER

DEAR READER: I'll offer another option: The next time your ex starts asking you for relationship advice, tell him you don't like hearing the way he talks about his girlfriend. Explain that it makes you so uncomfortable that you prefer to avoid the topic of his love life. If he respects your wishes, continue taking his calls. If not, because you find them upsetting, refuse them.

And please, stop feeling guilty about the divorce. From your description of your former husband, he is a user, and you're lucky to be rid of him.

DEAR ABBY: I attend a church with about 350 worshippers. The church provides a supervised nursery for infants to 2 years of age. Most parents with babies use it. However, one couple has a 2-year-old child and a 2-month-old baby. These parents do not take advantage of the nursery, but keep the kids in the sanctuary.

Last Sunday the baby, who was in the father's arms, cried during most of the service. The parents may be able to tune it out, but many of us were very distracted by the wailing.

The father is a schoolteacher. I couldn't help but wonder how this teacher would handle a student who caused such a disruption in his classroom. I don't think he would tolerate an hour of loud crying from anyone. Why don't these people understand their behavior prevents others from worshipping as they would like? -- SILENCE, PLEASE

DEAR SILENCE, PLEASE: That's a good question, and one I recommend you pose to the person who was conducting the service. Out of consideration for the congregation, he or she should "remind" the parents that the nursery is available, and stress that in the future it be used to prevent the problem from recurring because the disruption caused "so many complaints."

DEAR ABBY: I was recently a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding. The bride gave all of us bridesmaids gifts after the reception. The bags were fancy and contained expensive gourmet chocolate candy. When I went to open mine, I noticed the box had already been unwrapped and half of it had been eaten. I didn't say anything to the others or the bride because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or seem ungrateful. What should I do? -- BRIDESMAID IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BRIDESMAID: While it's unfortunate, I see no reason to bring it up now. Expensive or not, it's only a box of chocolates, and it appears someone may have bitten off more than they should chew.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Lizzy," the sweetest and most conscientious of my children, has been cut off yet again by her mother, "Ruth." Ruth pressured Lizzy to graduate from high school a year early because she couldn't date with a child still at home. (Her words.) After graduation, Lizzy was shipped off to another state for college, then abandoned to find her own funding for continued education.

Lizzy feels unwanted by her mother and desperately wants to know why. The truth is, Ruth didn't want that pregnancy in the first place and has held it against Lizzy. The deeper truth is I wanted another child and deliberately got Ruth pregnant. I never told anyone, even after Ruth divorced me several years later. As far as I know, she has always accepted it as accidental.

What I did was wrong, yet I can't imagine a world without my daughter in it. Lizzy is the only one of my children who has become close to me since the divorce. The others all believe their mother's lies about me -- that I cheated on her, which is the opposite of what really happened.

Should I share the truth about her birth with my daughter? I'm not sure because I have always believed it is a major mistake to admit to a child of any age that their pregnancy was a surprise, let alone that it was unwanted. Two of my siblings weren't planned, and one of them has become a bitter and distant adult. I want to help my daughter understand and accept her mother's insane actions and get on with her own life. What should I do? -- GUILT-RIDDEN DAD

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Lizzy already has a pretty good idea that she wasn't wanted, and I wouldn't be surprised if her mother hasn't told her she was a "surprise" baby. Do not try to expiate your feelings of guilt by telling your daughter what you have told me. That is a discussion you should have with your confessor, not your child.

It may take a therapist to help Lizzy forgive her mother and get on with her life. What you should do is pay for at least half of her therapy and contribute toward her education.

DEAR ABBY: My son was recently diagnosed with bone cancer and is currently receiving treatment. We heard about a fundraiser for pediatric cancer being held in our community. We joined the event and have received many donations from family and friends.

As much as I want to hand-write thank-you cards, between his treatments, my work schedule and my other kids I can't find the time. Is an email thank you OK? The donations have all been made online. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: I know you are under a lot of pressure right now. However, please refrain from expressing your gratitude by email. Send short, handwritten, personal notes -- a few at a time -- to those who gave money, as your schedule permits. It is the proper thing to do, and they will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: For decades I have been told I look like my mother. The problem is, my mother is ugly! I no longer respond to the comment, preferring to remain silent and just stare at the person instead.

Abby, please remind people that unless the comparison is to an attractive model, opinions should be kept to oneself. -- BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN WAY, RICHMOND, KY.

DEAR BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR OWN WAY: I'll remind them, but it's possible that you're overly sensitive. The person could be referring to a family resemblance, your coloring or a mannerism. A diplomatic response would be, "Thank you. Isn't she a dear?"

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old veteran of the grocery industry. I am also an associate of one of the premier supermarkets in the country, and I disagree with your response to "Chicago Clipper" (Feb. 18)!

Coupons are a necessary evil and are graciously accepted, but they create an abundance of work for retailers. It takes countless hours of sorting, logging, filling out forms, mailing and receiving to be reimbursed for the face value of the coupon. This is hardly a benefit to the grocer.

The abuse and fraud associated with coupons adds up into millions of dollars. When a customer leaves one on a shelf for the next shopper, it usually ends up on the floor. So we now have a slick surface that someone can slip on and fall. When they are placed on an item in the dairy or meat case, they inevitably fall to the bottom and clog the drains, which causes water backups -- another safety hazard -- not to mention it's trash we must fish out. All of this takes time and money away from the associates performing our duties in a very low-profit industry.

By leaving an unwanted coupon on a store shelf for the next customer, Chicago Clipper is not "paying it forward." She's adding to the problem. So, please, folks, keep your coupons in your purse, wallet, pocket or coupon book until you get to the checkout line. -- FLORIDA BUTCHER

DEAR FLORIDA BUTCHER: Thank you for pointing out to my readers and me some of the problems coupons may create. Your sentiments were repeated by many retailers. However, other shoppers and retailers offered suggestions that may help to eliminate the problem, including: coupon exchanges, donating them to the military, posting them on Freecycle, Craigslist or Facebook, etc. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a coupon user. I am also a grocery store employee. I constantly have to pick up coupons left by customers who are "paying it forward" or "being generous." Not only are they a safety hazard, but they make our store look unkempt. We pride ourselves in maintaining a high standard of appearance. We actually clean up more coupons than those we redeem.

Why not hand the extra coupons to your checker and ask that they be offered to the next customer? As for litterbugs who leave expired coupons laying around, every check stand is equipped with a garbage can, and an employee will be more than happy to throw out your trash if you ask. -- STORE MANAGER IN MONTANA

DEAR ABBY: I leave coupons for others, but I often go one step further. If I see someone with the item in his or her cart, I'll offer the coupon directly to that person. So far, I have met pleasant people who are happy to get a break at the cash register. I have also met people who have told me how delighted they were to find coupons on shelves. -- MARIE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow with a 20-year-old car and I accidentally smashed in its front end.

When I got home and my neighbor saw what had happened, he spent his next weekend at a wreckage yard buying all the necessary replacements. The following weekend he reassembled my car to perfection.

Would he take any money for his efforts? No!

Abby, there are wonderful people in this world and he is certainly one of them. And incidentally, he is a Navy captain on active duty. -- LEE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LEE: So your guardian angel wears a Navy uniform! He's not only an officer and a gentleman, but also a master mechanic. You are one lucky lady, and he is a sweetheart.