DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old niece, "Nina," has no table manners. I was surprised at her inappropriate behavior because her parents are well-educated people who were raised with good table manners.

I didn't say anything when Nina slathered clotted cream on her scone with her fingers, but I was disgusted. I did suggest she use a spoon after she scooped rice out of a communal bowl with her hand. Both of these incidents happened in restaurants.

Is there anything I can do when I must eat with this child? I know it may have been wrong of me to correct Nina in front of her mother, but we were all eating from the same bowl. Should I ignore her ignorance of basic table manners and keep my mouth shut? -- LOST MY APPETITE IN HOUSTON

DEAR LOST YOUR APPETITE: By age 11, children should have mastered basic table manners. (Not eating with one's fingers is one of the basics.) Is your niece learning-disabled? If the answer is no, you should discuss this with your sibling. Nina is at an age when she needs to know what's expected of her when she's out in public.

DEAR ABBY: My son came out of the closet last year. My first reaction was to tell him it was OK. (I had already suspected that he was.) I love him dearly and we're a close family. His brothers and sisters also accept and love him.

My husband and I are now struggling because we're not sure how God really views gays and lesbians. To listen to some religious people, my son will go to hell. I can't believe that God would create a person to be this way, then turn His back on him.

I tried reading the Bible, but the wording was hard to understand. I don't want to talk to my pastor about it because, even though I have accepted my son for who he is, I still have trouble talking to people about it because I'm not sure how they'll react. Do you believe a gay person will go to heaven? -- SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SOMEWHERE: I believe that entrance to heaven is based upon a person's character, not his or her sexual orientation. Today, because of modern scientific studies, we know more about homosexuality than was known when the Bible was written, and that sexual orientation is not a "choice."

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter keeps hinting that we should give her money for her in vitro fertilization. We have concerns based on many issues, but the bottom line is we're not sure if she can handle motherhood.

Our daughter's marriage is shaky, and she struggles with many of her relationships and commitments in life. She is basically disabled by anxiety. Not only do we believe we should stay out of this, but we also think they can afford the procedure themselves. We would be happy for them if they had a child, but we prefer to avoid the money connection. What do you think? -- UNDECIDED IN MISSOURI

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you give your daughter money, it would be better spent on counseling and medication to help her overcome her anxiety disorder. A baby will not fix a shaky marriage, and could very well complicate it. Because your daughter and her husband can afford to pay for it themselves, they should not be hitting you up to fund the endeavor.

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful wife, a dog and an 8-year-old son I love to watch sports with. My son loves sports, but he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll take out his disappointment by beating the dog.

My wife doesn't want to get rid of "Patches" because she has had him since college. I don't want to put my son through counseling because he said he'll hate me forever if I do. I'm afraid if the problem isn't controlled, my son's life goals may be affected. What can I do? -- GOOD DAD IN CLEVELAND

DEAR "GOOD DAD": Stop trying so hard to be your son's sports buddy, and try harder to be a parent. At his age, he should be able to handle disappointment and control his anger and aggression. Do not wait another day to get him the counseling he needs! Children who hurt animals often go on to hurt other children. Your son should be evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP. By getting him the help he needs, you could be saving not one but two lives -- his and Patches'.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I were discussing the subject of egg donation -- something we're both in favor of. I told her I have been considering donating my eggs because I don't plan to have children. Mom simply stared at me in shock.

Now when we talk, she casually brings up how she loves baby-sitting my young cousins and my niece. I have never particularly liked children. In fact, I prefer to live by myself. I know my mother has always wanted a lot of grandchildren, but being a wife and mother is not a goal of mine like it was hers. I almost feel guilty about my decision. How do I explain this without upsetting her further? -- CHILDLESS BY CHOICE

DEAR CHILDLESS: Whether to have children is a personal choice. It should not be dictated because a parent "wants lots of grandchildren." Children deserve to be wanted. And women who do not particularly want to be mothers usually make less-than-terrific ones. If your mother raises the subject, answer her honestly, but don't apologize for your feelings. And, when she mentions how much she enjoyed baby-sitting your cousins and niece, smile, nod and say, "That's nice!"

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Linda" loves her cats. Last year one of them, "Wookie," got very sick and she had to take him to the animal hospital. She sent a mass text message to all our family members indicating she would be unable to afford Christmas gifts because she had to pay a couple of thousand dollars on Wookie's vet bills. She continues to send updates on his health and treatment.

Last week, I received an email from Linda about a website she has established soliciting donations to cover her cat's medical expenses. Every day since then I have received a text or email from her or her mother asking me to donate and to tell my friends as well.

I'm sorry Linda's cat is dying, but I don't feel comfortable soliciting friends to donate money for a cat who will not get better. Besides, they don't even know Linda or Wookie. How do I politely ask her to stop bombarding me with these requests? (I think what she's doing is a little tacky.) -- CAT GOT MY TONGUE

DEAR CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE: Don't ask. Your cousin is trying desperately to save the pet she loves, and it would hurt her already sensitive feelings. Send her a donation for Wookie, about the same amount you would spend on a Christmas gift for her. And when you see her request for soliciting your friends, hit "delete" and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has never liked her sister-in-law. Mom thinks "Auntie Beth" is "completely out to get her," even though no one has seen any evidence to support my mother's claims.

For the past several months, Mom has been complaining nonstop about how "awful" Beth is. She says things at the most random times to people she barely knows. If we don't show sympathy toward Mom, she then becomes enraged. It has caused many problems between our family and Auntie Beth's. We can't have holidays together because my aunt is not allowed in our house. No one wants to be involved in the drama or to participate in the terrible gossip.

How can I help my mother understand the harm she is causing and get our family back together? -- SICK OF THE DRAMA

DEAR SICK OF THE DRAMA: Your mother's behavior appears to have escalated from disliking Aunt Beth to obsessive and paranoid. If it is time for her annual physical, her doctor should be told about it because her behavior is not normal and she may need a neurological exam or counseling.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about this, because if you try, she may think that you are "against" her, too. But the rest of the family can refuse to allow her to exclude Aunt Beth by not accepting invitations in which she is not included.

DEAR ABBY: I have started a relationship and am falling in love. I have known "Willa" for a few years, but we never really hung out before this. We see eye-to-eye on lots of things. However, the other night she told me she'd had a past relationship with her best guy friend, "Mike," whom she refers to as a "big brother." I have known him for a year.

Mike is someone I hang out with. Their fling was eight years ago. Willa also hinted there may be other mutual friends she has had relations with before me. I don't care who she's been with, but I feel I should know which ones we socialize with. And I'd rather hear it from her than find out from a friend. Willa says it isn't her place to spread other people's business. What do you think? -- WANTS ANSWERS

DEAR WANTS ANSWERS: Unless Willa intended to make a full disclosure, she shouldn't have teased you by making you curious. Obviously, you do care about whom she has been with, so now you need to be honest with yourself about why. Would you prefer not to socialize with the men with whom she has had past relationships? Because she has clammed up, perhaps you should assume that she has been with all of the men she has introduced you to. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you can put her past aside and focus instead on building a future with her.

DEAR ABBY: I am curious to learn what your readers do when they receive a gift card for a place where they don't shop or eat. Some restaurants are located far from where I live, and some stores don't carry anything I need or want. -- GRATEFUL, BUT ... IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR GRATEFUL, BUT: I'm printing your letter, but I am sure most of my readers would do what I would do and that is re-gift it to someone who would appreciate it and use it.