DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 55, has been diagnosed with Pick's disease, or frontotemporal dementia. His prognosis is from two to seven years -- only God knows. We are handling this with better-than-average concern. It is his diabetes that everyone keeps going on about. He's on medication and his diabetes is under control.

My problem is, I let my husband eat whatever he wants within reason. If we're out to dinner and he wants ice cream, or asks me to buy him his favorite lemon cookies, I don't argue. When people tell me I shouldn't do that, my husband replies that he is already dying, so why shouldn't he enjoy his life now?

He still enjoys baseball and taking our granddaughter to the zoo. He is still mobile and, in fact, has recently lost 45 pounds. People don't understand his attitude, but he is right. He is dying, and I am letting him enjoy his final years. Am I wrong for doing this? I want him to enjoy what he can now, as there will come a time when he can't. -- LOVES HIM IN NEBRASKA

DEAR LOVES HIM: Please accept my sympathy for your husband's diagnosis. As someone who also believes in quality of life rather than quantity, I see nothing wrong in allowing him those pleasures he enjoys. For your husband, the countdown to zero has begun. You are both being rational and realistic. Clarify that fact for the naysayers or ignore them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who suffers from syncope. I become lightheaded whenever I must have blood drawn or a needle prick -- it doesn't matter which. My physician and her nurse always accommodate me by allowing me to lie down during these procedures, and consequently I have never fainted.

However, if I go elsewhere for a procedure, as I recently did to a free medical screening, after telling the medical personnel about the syncope, the reactions I typically receive range from a look like I have two heads to comments like: "Oh, this will be real quick; you won't feel a thing," "Don't watch" or "Think of something else."

Well, I did experience an episode of syncope during that last screening, and it was very embarrassing. Why won't medical personnel listen to what a patient tells them? Who knows my body better than I do? -- SYNCO-PEEVED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SYNCO-PEEVED: Believe me, I empathize. However, free screenings can be as jam-packed as a casting call for "American Idol." Overwhelmed medical personnel may not be able to accommodate someone who has special needs. That's why it's important when you hear comments such as those you mentioned that you insist on being helped by someone who understands what the implications of syncope are. You may have to wait a bit longer, but it may prevent a blackout.

DEAR ABBY: Should a mother call her son if he is a father to wish him a Happy Father's Day? -- ANDRIETTA IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANDRIETTA: That would be a nice gesture. He qualifies.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged, divorced man in a one-year relationship with a wonderful woman. "Alexis" is bright, pretty, fun, responsible, affectionate, and yes, I do love her. She also insists that I move in with her. She wants us to start our life together under one roof -- hers.

I'm having a hard time with all of this -- selling my home, selling most of my belongings, changing my work-from-home routine and giving up the independence of living alone with my mutts. Alexis still has a minor child at home, which is an issue because I feel I have "been there, done that."

I don't think the timing is right, and I have told her as much several times. But she's soon back in "sell your house and move in" mode. Alexis is beginning to think I will never make the move. (She may be right.) I'll probably lose her if I don't give in. Any suggestions? -- STAYING PUT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STAYING PUT: Before selling your home and most of your possessions, consider putting the things you want to keep in storage and renting out your home for a year. That way, if things don't work with Alexis -- and they might not -- you won't have given up everything. Another plus: By then your house may have risen in value and you'll get a better price for it. But do nothing in haste or because you feel you are being pressured.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to a new area and are becoming friendly with the people in the neighborhood. My husband works as an education director for the local synagogue and, because he is in this field, we have agreed to keep our new home a kosher home and follow the strict rules of kashrut. We will allow no food in the house that has not been prepared in a kosher kitchen using food approved by the Orthodox Union.

My question is, if people decide to stop to introduce themselves and bring something homemade as a welcoming gesture, how do I politely and tactfully decline their gift if they do not keep a kosher kitchen? -- NEW ON THE BLOCK IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEW ON THE BLOCK: Smile at your food-bearing neighbor and say, "Thank you. We keep a kosher home and want to know if you do, too." If the answer is no, explain that while it looks delicious and you appreciate the gesture, you can't accept the food because of your strict observance of your religion.

DEAR ABBY: On Jan. 23 you printed a column "Recognizing the Signs of a Stroke Can Help Save a Life." Well, in our family it sure did. After my husband and I read it, we had our three children (19, 16 and 14) also read it. Then we hung it on the wall in the kitchen.

Our 16-year-old son, Charlie, was taking his 87-year-old grandfather out shopping not long afterward, and not a mile from the house our son noticed rapid changes in his grandfather. Grandpa said, "I'll be fine, just take me home." Of course our son, for the first time, did not listen to him. He pulled the car over and proceeded to call 911. A couple of weeks of physical and occupational therapy, and they say Grandpa will be good to come home. Thank you so much for putting that in your column. -- CATHERINE IN GARDINER, N.Y.

DEAR CATHERINE: You're welcome. I'm pleased to know -- as I'm sure the writer of the letter I printed will be -- that it turned out to be so helpful to you. Your son is a hero, not only because he saved his grandfather, but also because he calmly took control of the situation in an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Jenny," and I are being married next year. Jenny is a devout Catholic and is having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that we're living together. We recently moved out of state as a result of job transfers and -- for purely economic reasons -- moved in together.

Now that we're about to be married, Jenny is beside herself with what to tell her new parish priest because she's afraid he will refuse to marry us if she reveals that we're living together.

Abby, I love Jenny very much, and I'm concerned that this is going to cause problems between us. She's considering not telling the priest that we live together because she feels he wouldn't understand. I'm inclined to agree. Before we moved, we were living separately.

Any advice would be helpful. -- LIVING IN SIN IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR LIVING IN SIN: I don't know what the policies are in St. Louis, but some dioceses will not marry couples who cohabitate unless they first separate.

You and your fiancee should go to the priest, explain the entire situation, including the economic reasons for your living together, and tell him you would like to be married. It may not be as bad as Jenny fears. The alternative, starting married life with a lie, is worse than separating temporarily.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years has asked me to promise him that I won't inform his family and adult children when he dies. He wants no funeral or obituary -- nothing to mark his passing. I am concerned because his health isn't good and I must decide soon if I can make that promise.

His adult children and their families rarely call, visit or write to him. They never send a greeting card for any occasion. The only time he hears from them is when they want something. He says that since they don't care about him while he's living, they won't care when he dies.

I feel torn about this. Only a few members of his family like me. I don't want to cause more hard feelings. Were my husband to die next week, I would be hard-pressed to obey his final wish. I would want to notify those few family members who would be hurt if I didn't.

Please print this. Perhaps his children will see it and change their ways. But please don't mention my name or town. -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR BETWEEN: While I understand your husband's desire that his children, who show no concern for him, not be notified in the event of his death, I do not agree that they should not be told of their father's passing. People who feel the need to mourn should be allowed to work through their grief and achieve closure. Failure to notify them will only fuel the fire of resentment they already feel for you.

In spite of their inattentiveness, the children should be notified, whether there is to be a funeral or not. If you wish to have a memorial service of some kind to enable you and those you care about to grieve, you should be entitled to have a private one. His children can hold their own service if they need the closure.