DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I recently went out to eat and I was put in an awkward situation. One of them announced that I had left a big tip when I paid my bill. Abby, I always leave a generous tip. I was raised well below the poverty line, and my mother's tips literally determined how much we would be able to eat that day.

The co-worker who said it became upset with me and began lecturing me about how "rude" it is to leave a large tip, especially when you're with other people. She even said it "degrades" the server.

My mom may have raised me differently than most people, but I was taught that it's OK to leave a big tip as long as you don't announce it to everyone. Was what I did considered rude? -- GENEROUS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GENEROUS: No. The person who was rude was your co-worker, for making a spectacle. She probably did it because your tip made hers appear to be stingy. Diners leave tips based upon the quality of the service they receive. If you felt your server merited it, you were right to leave a large tip.

P.S. I have never heard of a server feeling "degraded" because of a large tip. Grateful, yes. Degraded, never!

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a man, "Cameron," I am crazy about. We plan to be married next year once I finish college. There is just one issue that's stressing me. Cam's apartment is gross and messy. There are dishes from various dinners scattered all over the place. I find it disgusting, and I'm worried he will be like this after we're married.

I have tried to talk to him about it, but he gets angry and says that it's his place. He says he'll be neater when we're married. I'm not sure I believe that.

This seems a silly thing to cause discord in a relationship, which is otherwise going well, but I am concerned. Is there anything I can do? -- GROSSED OUT IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Yes, there is. You can face the fact that once you marry Cameron he is still going to be the same person he is now -- sloppy, messy and defensive when you point out something that needs improvement. People don't magically change after they say "I do." If you love him enough to accept him just the way he is, and be the primary housekeeper after you're married, you may have a happy union. If not, put your foot down now.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago I shoplifted a $30 item from a department store. Now I'd like to clear my conscience and make amends, but how?

I want to remain anonymous, so I can't send a check. Sending cash by mail seems unwise, and even with Google I have been unable to find a corporate address for an appropriate division. Can you help? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you have made an honest effort and haven't been able to come up with an address to send the money, try to find out if the department store sponsors an activity for charity and donate to that. Or, alternatively, give the money to a charity of your choice, which may salve your conscience and do a good deed at the same time.

DEAR ABBY: My sister has decided to let her 14-year-old son have a girlfriend. This is contrary to every value we grew up with as kids into adulthood.

She has met the girl's parents and says they "immediately clicked" and she knew right away that they share the same morals. The parents now set up situations where the two kids can get together. Not only have my nephew and the girl bonded, but the parents have become fast friends.

I see no problem with a little puppy love that happens in school, but is it asking for trouble when parents start to create dating situations when kids are so young? What happens if they are eventually allowed to be alone? Or one of them wants to break up but is afraid to hurt not only the other, but also the parents?

My sister says she's "guiding her son through his first romance." I say an eighth-grader is too young and she's inviting a myriad of problems. We have fought over this because she says I'm not being "flexible" and because this hasn't happened to my child yet. I offered my opinion only after I was asked what I thought of my nephew's girlfriend after she posted pictures on the Internet. Am I right to think this is crazy, Abby? -- SANE AUNT IN GEORGIA

DEAR SANE AUNT: Let's just say it is ill-advised rather than crazy. But I agree that your sister is headed for trouble because she isn't allowing her son's "first romance" to develop naturally.

First love often peaks and burns out quickly. When there are two sets of intermeshed parents involved, it can lead to lasting hurt feelings and sometimes enmity.

However, if you think your sister is going to listen to either of us, you're dreaming. So quit offering unsolicited advice and stay tuned for what's coming because there are lessons to be learned for everyone involved.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married this year and I'd like to challenge the notion that it's rude to ask for gifts toward a honeymoon or other big-ticket items such as home improvements or a car. My fiance and I own our home and we don't need a lot of the traditional items couples receive at their wedding.

Our families have been very understanding, but I'm sick to death of hearing or reading that it's rude to ask for money. Shouldn't wedding guests be happy to celebrate the couple in a way that they need and not force them to register for a bunch of material things they won't use? -- ALREADY HAS A BLENDER

DEAR ALREADY HAS A ...: Your question is very common. I receive variations on this theme in every batch of mail that arrives.

It is considered rude to ask for money on a wedding invitation, just as it is considered rude for brides and grooms to raise the subject themselves. When a wedding invitation is accepted, the guests usually contact whoever issued the invitation to inquire where the couple is registered. Once asked, it is then appropriate to reply, "They're not registered for gifts because they already have everything they need, but monetary gifts would be appreciated."

Some couples set up financial registries for this purpose with their bank or other financial institution, and there are also honeymoon registries and charitable gift registries if guests would prefer to donate to a worthy cause chosen by the happy couple.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 15 years. We skipped the honeymoon after our wedding so we could save up for our 15th anniversary, which we will celebrate this summer. We plan to stay at one of the resorts at Disney World.

When I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, she said, "It's silly to go to a place like Disney World without a child or two," and asked me if we would bring her son and his friend with us. I refused, saying that this trip is for my husband and me. She then accused us of being childish and selfish. I agree that going to Disney World may be childish -- that's the whole point -- but selfish? Do you agree with that? -- CHILD AT HEART

DEAR CHILD: No, I do not. For your sister-in-law to have said what she did was rude and nervy. Unless the children were yours and you wanted them to accompany you, a honeymoon (belated or not) is for the couple celebrating their marriage. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating a nice man for three months and we have spent every weekend together. Recently, he has talked about taking me to a family celebration in another state. The conversation prompted me to initiate a discussion about where we are in our relationship. During the course of our talk, he explained that he feels it's too early for us to be an official couple. But he does want me to meet his parents.

I don't see why I should invest the time and energy to meet his family if he's still thinking about dating other people. Do you agree? -- NERVOUS IN D.C.

DEAR NERVOUS: I sure don't. When a man wants you to meet his family, it's a compliment. It doesn't necessarily mean he has marriage on his mind. If you are interested in him with an eye on becoming a couple, accept his invitation. It will give you a chance to see what kind of family he comes from and how they treat each other, which is valuable insight. It will also give his family a chance to see what a charming, personable woman you are.

If you refuse the invitation for the reason you stated, I'd be surprised if the relationship developed much further.

DEAR ABBY: Please help with something that has been on my mind for years. I am one of your male readers. I have a sister, "Eileen," who is a bit older. We had a wonderful childhood and are close.

When Eileen entered college, she became pregnant. Because she was unmarried, she and Mom went to a different city and she had the baby. I believe the child was placed for adoption. I don't know if it was a boy or girl.

Eileen returned home, finished college, got married and now has a family. It was never mentioned again. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about the baby she had. I think about it a lot and wonder if I should ask her, or if it's too painful for her to discuss after all these years. I sometimes think I have a niece or nephew out there and wonder what he or she is like. Should I ask my sister or just leave it alone? -- WISTFUL OUT WEST

DEAR WISTFUL: I'm sure your sister also sometimes thinks about the child she placed for adoption and wonders what he or she is like. However, unless she raises the subject with you, my advice is to leave it alone. If it has never been mentioned again, there is a good reason for it.