DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see the letter you printed from "Fine With My Decision" (April 22). I placed a baby boy for adoption when I was 16. My parents were bitterly disappointed and sent me out of state. But despite my somewhat immature and rebellious nature, I was -- and remain -- glad my parents made me do the right thing.

In the years since, there has been a trend toward "open adoptions" and emotional reunions between birth mothers and adoptees who were separated under the "closed system." I think open adoption is probably healthier for everyone except in cases of rape, incest or abuse/neglect.

If the child I gave birth to were to come looking for me, I feel that's his right and I wouldn't turn him away. But I have never felt a desire to look for him. His birth was not a happy event in my life, and I don't care to revisit that chapter. I don't regard him as my son. The people who raised him are his parents, not the green kid who got herself in trouble.

I'm somewhat younger than the girls who gave up babies from the 1940s to 1960s, so I didn't get the "keep it a deep dark secret" advice. I also don't feel I was unfairly coerced. I was 16 and couldn't support a child. When I think of how my life would have been if I'd kept him, I'm sure I did the right thing.

Thanks for writing, "Fine With My Decision." You've got company in me, and I'm sure there are plenty more of us out there. -- FINE WITH MY DECISION, TOO

DEAR FINE TOO: Your letter expresses the sentiments of many women who responded, as I knew they would. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: I gave up my daughter when I was 20. I have thought about her many times, but have no other feelings than hoping she's OK. I gave her up because I knew I wasn't ready for motherhood. I never married and have no other children.

I have enjoyed my life. I wish my daughter, wherever she is, the best, and I hope her life has been great. I'd love to meet her someday, to be sure she's all right, but if it never happens, that's OK, too.

Some people are born without that "mother" instinct, and it's best they not have children they really don't want. Too many people become parents because they think it's the thing to do, and the children suffer. -- SINGLE AND HAPPY

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adoptee and while our situations are not the same, I can assure the woman who wrote you that she's not a "freak." I applaud her honesty about her feelings and appreciate her willingness to give her child the chance to connect with biological relatives who do want a relationship. The support groups she has encountered exist because people who regret their decisions need support. It's not likely there would be groups for people who don't feel that sense of regret.

In my case, I was conceived because my birth parents wanted to make money. They were ahead of their time, shall we say, in terms of surrogate parenthood. I wish I could have met them, but both died long before I began my search.

Achieving adulthood for me was the realization that no matter how we start out, in the long run, our lives are our responsibility. I hope "Fine" stops beating herself up and uses that energy to nurture the relationships she does have, including the one she has with herself. -- REV. J. IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adoptive parent, and I see nothing strange, coldhearted or unusual about "Fine With My Decision." I love my adopted daughter as I would a biological child. She's my daughter. End of conversation. A birth parent creates adoptive families by making a decision in her child's best interests. If part of the process is 100 percent removal from the child's life from day one, that's acceptable and normal.

An adoption is a final act, and it's not weird that it is final for a birth parent. Relationships between birth parents and adoptive families range across the spectrum, from no relationship to nuclear family activities. All of this is normal and nobody should question where they are on the spectrum. -- KAREN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I placed my son for adoption. My family wanted me to keep him, but I knew they would be raising him instead of me. There are times I wonder what became of him. I hope he's happy and that he has grown up to be a fine man. But I don't beat myself up about it. I have no other children, but that was my decision. No regrets. Women who have made this decision for the most part wish others would not judge us for it, because people rarely know the circumstances that led to the decision. -- NO REGRETS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Vic," and I used to work at the same company. While I worked there I noticed that one of the women who worked in the building cafe seemed to have a crush on him.

I left work to be a stay-at-home mom. I trust my husband and know he would never do anything with this woman. However, I'm uncomfortable because he talks about her often, and she gives him free food just about every day and jokes around with him. If I have lunch with Vic there, she won't look at me. She and I used to talk often.

I haven't said anything to him about how I feel. Should I worry about this? Should I ask him to be careful around her? -- ALLERGIC TO WHAT SHE'S SERVING

DEAR ALLERGIC: Mention to your husband that you have noticed a change in the server's reaction to you, if you wish -- but I don't think you have anything to be worried about. She probably does have a crush on Vic, and the reason she can't look at you may be she feels guilty for flirting with him, or your presence is a reminder that he is unavailable, which spoils her fantasy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of three sons. Over the years, I would sometimes play rough and wrestle with them, all in good fun. Now that they're almost all grown and out of the house, I find myself getting carried away with this type of play with my spouse. He was on the wrestling team in school, so invariably I always lose. But he knows how to play without hurting me.

Is there something wrong with me for wanting to play so rough at times? He seems to enjoy it, but there have been times when I've walked away bruised if I let him go too far. Otherwise, I'm an ordinary female who you'd never guess would love to wrestle. How many other women out there do this? -- FEELING WEIRD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING WEIRD: I don't have the figures, but some women like to wrestle as a form of foreplay. However, because it is leaving you with bruises, you and your spouse may be carrying the wrestling a bit too far. If it's not foreplay, but some form of competition, perhaps you should consider taking up another sport with him where you'll have a chance of winning sometimes rather than always being the loser.

DEAR ABBY: How does one politely but firmly turn down door-to-door salespeople? How should I respond to salespeople who become rude once I tell them I'm not interested? Many of them become hostile once they realize I can't be persuaded to buy what they're selling. -- NO THANK YOU IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR NO THANK YOU: If this is happening regularly, the first thing to do is post a sign next to your door that says "No Soliciting." When someone you don't know knocks or rings your bell, don't answer it. If you somehow get trapped into hearing the sales pitch, when the person pauses for breath say firmly, "Not interested," and close your door. Remember, the person is not trying to make a friend of you; the person wants something. You do not have to tolerate rudeness.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the love of my life. My wife is a beautiful woman, 50 years old, in great shape and she looks 35. My problem is whenever we go out, if I ask her to wear something sexy for me, she always says, "I'm too old to dress like that" and refuses. However, when she dresses for work, she spends hours on her appearance and dresses very sexy.

I have told her it bothers me, but she says I'm being silly and she just wants to look good for her management job. She's constantly buying new outfits for work. This morning she left wearing a sexy short miniskirt and boots.

She is an independent woman who does what she wants. I don't spend my time trying to control her by any means. I trust her and seriously doubt there's another man. But I feel this is a matter of her not respecting my feelings as her husband. Am I wrong? Is there something else going on here? I need your help. -- LIKES HER SEXY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR LIKES HER SEXY: There's something sad about the fact that your wife doesn't want to put the same amount of effort into looking as good when she goes out with you as she does when she leaves for work. Rather than turning this into a power struggle, the next time you want to take her out looking sexy, ask her to just "throw on something she would wear to the office" and see if you have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and will be graduating in May of next year. Because I have always done well in school, my family expects me to go right off to a big-league college.

Abby, I want to go to college, but not right away. (I am also not too fond of staying in dorms.) I want to be a zoologist, and plan on going to school for it, but I feel that my family is rushing me into college because they expect it of me. When I tell them my other interest is hairstyling, and I may want to take a year off to do that to save up money, they put me down and compare me to my successful college cousins.

I want my family to be proud of me because I have worked hard in school. I only wish they would be just as proud of me if I maintained a nice job for a few years and then went to college. (I have been told if I choose that path, I will never go to college and I'll never make good money.)

They also blame my not wanting to go to college right away on my boyfriend of two years. I assure you, that is not the reason. I want to attend an in-state college, and I would still be able to see him. Do you have any advice? -- SCHOOLED-OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR SCHOOLED-OUT: The longer you delay college, the more distractions there will be and the harder it will be for you to go back. Yes, people do it. But juggling a job and going to school is more difficult than going to school full-time, and it takes longer to get the degree. I urge you to listen to your parents. They have your best interests at heart.