DEAR ABBY: Wouldn't it make sense if grade school teachers set aside time, weekly or monthly, to go over some very generic information that kids need to learn? I'm talking about things like how important it is to have pets neutered and why, how to manage money, and show them what the average dad earns and what it costs to run a household and support a family. It might help kids to grow up understanding that money isn't free and get them past the "gimmes."

There are so many topics that ought to be introduced to youngsters at an early age -- how to groom themselves properly, be exposed to a variety of music genres, teach them how grandparents can use help even from small children. They could be taught to be aware of their surroundings, to realize that foul language isn't an attribute and why it's important to be pleasant.

There are so many topics. Ten minutes a week on different topics would suffice. Why not? -- CHAPLIN, CONN., READER

DEAR READER: Why not? Because teachers are so overwhelmed trying to get their students to learn enough basic curriculum to pass the state mandated tests that they don't have time!

Reading your letter I couldn't help but wonder whose children you are describing. All of the topics you mentioned are things children should learn from their parents. Where are those parents? AWOL?

DEAR ABBY: I have just started back into the dating scene after my divorce and being single for five years. I had a vasectomy when I was married, and I'm wondering at what point I should tell prospective dates this information. -- SNIPPED IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR SNIPPED: Raise the subject as soon as a woman mentions the idea of wanting children. It should certainly be discussed before you have sex.

P.S. Because vasectomies have been known to fail, and won't prevent someone from picking up an STD, you should always make sure you and your partner are protected by using a condom.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago we bought a used sofa at a garage sale. It is now falling apart. A friend of mine in the hotel business offered me an almost new sofa bed from a room that was being redecorated. It matches the colors in our game room perfectly. My wife said, "You can't bring hotel furniture into the house. Yuck!"

My logic is this: Why can't our kids sleep on a hotel bed in our house if our other houseguests are using the kids' rooms? We would use our clean sheets, and they sleep on the sofa beds in the hotels we stay in. My wife will sleep in a hotel bed that 100 percent of the guests sleep in, but she doesn't want a bug-free sofa bed that about 5 percent of hotel guests have used in our home for occasional use. Am I cheap, or am I married to a clean freak? -- WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?

DEAR WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING: Not knowing you better, I can't say whether or not you're cheap. But your wife should know that many people buy used hotel furniture, and selling it is big business. The sofa bed could be cleaned and sanitized and the mattress replaced. (Inquire about it at any furniture store that sells sofa beds.) But don't push your wife into taking it or the person who winds up sleeping on it could be you.

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather recently went to jail for having child pornography on his laptop. The lawyers and everyone else say he molested me and my sister. I almost had to testify.

I'm only 13 and have talked with people, but they don't get it. I don't want to talk to a therapist or anything, but my mom and aunt think I should.

Should I? I feel really sad right now. I first learned about this two years ago, but it still hurts. I kind of feel uncomfortable talking about it to people other than my best friends. I write sad poetry to express my feelings and it helps some.

I don't know what to do. It's like I'm stuck in a rut. What should I be feeling? Do I need to talk to someone? Should I open up more? -- UNSURE OF MY FEELINGS

DEAR UNSURE: If your grandfather is in jail, and "the lawyers and everyone else" say he molested you and your sister, then he probably did. The two of you may not have understood what was happening because he led you to believe what he was doing was normal behavior. (This is standard operating procedure for a molester.)

Part of the reason for your sadness may be that your trust was violated. Talking to a therapist is not a punishment. It's actually a privilege, and I hope that you and your sister will take advantage of it. A therapist can give you more insight than your friends can give you.

Your mom and your aunt have your best interests at heart, so please listen to them. A therapist can help you open up more, and your sadness will dissipate.

DEAR ABBY: I love my wife very much, but over the years we have drifted apart. At one time we considered separating, but we went to a marriage counselor and worked most things out.

My wife is the only woman in the world for me, but my feelings are at the bottom of her priorities. I give her nightly foot massages and tell her how much she means to me. She never returns any pleasures. She has told me that sex is not enjoyable for her and she does it only to please me.

I love her dearly, however the romance is gone. Is it possible to rekindle the long-lost fire? -- LONELY, UNIMPORTANT HUSBAND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LONELY: I hate to appear negative, but the way you have described your marriage, I doubt it. I also have to question why you think a woman who is so withholding is the only woman in the world for you. You have described what she is getting from you, but what are you receiving in return besides passive rejection?

DEAR ABBY: I am torn between two decisions. I am a 40-year-old teacher, but I have always wanted to be in law enforcement. I didn't pursue my dream because my fiancee would not marry me if I went into police work.

I have done well over the years, but my heart will not let go of being in law enforcement. My wife gives me the "you have a good job and you need to save for your kids" speech. I feel if I don't at least try to pursue my dream it will always bug me.

Should I suck it up, do my time and be unfulfilled for the next 10 years? I feel like the old "you can be whatever you want to be" speech is an injustice to children if you as a parent can't live up to this rule. What do you think about all this? -- LIVING A LIE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LIVING A LIE: I think that at age 40 you should be allowed to do what you want with your life. However, if you decide to pursue police work, you should make certain your family will be well-provided-for in case something happens to you in your high-risk new career.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have thrown a barbecue for all our friends every summer since we were first married. Over the last couple of years, our little party has morphed into a family-friendly event. Our problem is one of our good friends is now the mother of an insufferable 3-year-old boy.

"Fenton's" behavior has been awful for two years. At the last party, he managed to throw our iPod, slam our stereo to the ground, pick up and throw another child and terrorize a gentle dog. He barged in on a nursing mother and refused to leave when asked. We also suspect he was the one who tore our baby gate off its hinges.

The mom is preoccupied with a new baby and deals with the situation by making idle threats. The dad makes jokes about how "it sucks to be a parent" and tells his kid to stop annoying him.

We're pretty sure if Fenton returns for this year's party, many of our other guests won't. We want to remain friends with the mom, so not inviting her isn't an option. Would it be out of line to ask her to leave her husband and the little terror at home? -- SMOKIN' MAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SMOKIN' MAD: Which would be worse -- to have the woman miffed or to be driven mad by her undisciplined child and the parents' unwillingness to take control? Because the kid causes stress in addition to property damage, leave them off the guest list this year. If she asks why, point out her son was so disruptive you were afraid your other guests would refuse to attend if he was there. Soften the "blow" by assuring her you'd love to see her and her husband for some adult time.

Fenton appears to be a little boy who feels upstaged by the new baby and may be acting up in a desperate bid for attention. It would be a kindness to suggest this to his parents, who appear to be clueless.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman who works two jobs and I am constantly on my feet. Because of this I gravitate toward flat-soled shoes. I can't imagine attempting all of the stairs I must climb each day while tottering on a high pair of heels or practically falling off platforms.

I am friendly with two men (casually dating one of them) and each one has reacted negatively to my shoes. One of them said that I obviously don't want to snag a guy because of my footwear, and the other repeated an old joke that, "A lesbian is a woman in comfortable shoes."

I am a straight female who happens to feel more comfortable in flats. High heels might look nice, but they would cause me discomfort and problems during my long workdays. I have explained this to them, but they give me funny looks.

Do flat-soled shoes make you less of a woman or somehow suspect in terms of being "straight"? Does our society view women in comfortable shoes as being possibly lesbian? I find the idea ridiculous, but two different men have come to the same conclusion. I'm confused about their attitudes and would appreciate your ideas. -- STEPPING OUT IN MISSOURI

DEAR STEPPING OUT: While it may have been said that "clothes make the man" and "a lesbian is a woman in comfortable shoes," neither statement has much bearing on the truth. Women who are on their feet all day -- or night, depending upon their profession -- should not wear shoes with very high heels. Ask any podiatrist.

P.S. I suspect the two men you mentioned have a shoe fetish. Please wear what is comfortable and don't apologize for it.