DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have dated for almost three years. We plan to be married a year from now. We were close friends for 12 years prior to dating.

Abby, over the last two years, he has developed a bad drinking problem and lost 12 jobs in the last year alone. To his credit, he has been sober for a month now and has accepted a new job. Although I'm happy that he has a new job, I'm also concerned because he will be working in a bar.

I am bringing my daughter into this marriage and am worried that he will revert to drinking, which wouldn't be a good environment for my daughter. When I discussed it with him, he became irate and said I had insulted his job and was calling him a loser. Then he accused me of using him to support myself and my daughter. He said my "true colors" came through when I encouraged him to stay sober.

I am deeply hurt. I don't understand why he would say such a thing. We had discussed this before, and he didn't react this way. The last thing I would ever do is marry someone for money. I have always planned to keep my job after we marry.

He is barely speaking to me now, and I don't understand his anger. Please help. -- DEPRESSED AND ABANDONED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your fiance's attempt to turn the tables on you, along with his excessive drinking and inability to hold a job, are indications that he has an out-of-control alcohol problem. It is typical for addicts to be defensive and attempt to put anyone who confronts them in a corner. Do not accept the guilt trip.

It is admirable that he has been sober for a month, but his job in an establishment where alcohol is the prime product is an almost sure road to self-defeat. If someone is serious about surviving such an addiction, the person doesn't place him- or herself in temptation's way.

Encourage your fiance to reinforce his attempt at sobriety by attending AA meetings. (It is listed in the phone book and online.) Then do your part by attending Al-Anon meetings. Meanwhile, put your wedding plans on hold until you're absolutely sure he won't be detrimental to your daughter's -- and your -- future.

DEAR ABBY: We have a cabin on a lake in New England. It is next door to some of our relatives. We've made friends with neighbors on the other side and would like to invite them over for dinner. Our relatives are also friendly with the neighbors. If we invite them for dinner, must we invite the relatives too? -- JUDY ON "GOLDEN POND"

DEAR JUDY: Technically, you don't have to. However, if you have mostly socialized as a "threesome," feelings may be hurt if you suddenly change what has become customary.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are avid readers who sometimes find that we have too many books. Our solution is to donate our excess books to the local USO. We set up a donation box in our church's foyer, and once a month we carry the donated books to one of our city's two USO centers. Service members are encouraged to take them with them as they travel. We have found that there's always room on the bookshelves at the USO. -- TOM IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR TOM: Thank you for a terrific suggestion. I'm sure many readers will appreciate it -- and so will the recipients.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing hoping to avert another tragedy like we experienced last week. Our German shepherd, Leah, was playing with a hard rubber ball the size of a tennis ball. Somehow, the ball slid down her throat. I tried to dislodge it by grabbing and pulling it out, then I tried the Heimlich maneuver. Neither worked. By the time we got Leah to the veterinarian, she was dead. They tried for 25 minutes to revive her.

Leah was a friendly, funny, loving dog, not yet 2 years old. We miss her terribly. Abby, please tell your readers to never, ever let their dog play with any object that fits into its mouth. If it fits, it can lodge in the throat. I don't want anyone else to experience the pain of losing their dog like we lost ours. -- KAREN IN CENTER VALLEY, PA.

DEAR KAREN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved pet. However, because you wrote to other dog owners, take comfort in the knowledge that you have very likely saved another four-footed family member's life.

DEAR ABBY: My well-meaning mother continues to give me "classics" from her wardrobe that she no longer wears. I'm a size 6 to 8 in my 50s. Mom is in her 80s and wears 12 to 14. Our sense of style is also not the same.

My problem is, after insisting I take these items, she'll often ask for them back several years later. It becomes awkward when I must explain I gave her clothes away. How can I politely stop her from gifting me these items? -- NO LONGER HAS THEM

DEAR NO LONGER HAS THEM: Say, "Mom, these things won't fit me. But I'll be glad to drop them off at a charity thrift shop for you." It's honest, it's practical, and someone can enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married three years, and we are both lucky to have families that are kind and supportive. However, there is one recurring issue with his family that I find annoying.

Nobody in my husband's family has a driver's license or owns a car. This includes his two aunts and mother, who all live in the same town we do. As the only driver in the family, I am regularly asked to shuttle relatives to the doctor, the pet groomer, the grocery store, etc.

Abby, none of them have any physical or mental disability that prevents them from driving. We live in a city with a number of cab companies that serve the area. I work hard so I can pay my car insurance bills, my car payments and buy gas to get to where I need to. I'm starting to resent being asked to drive three able-bodied adults who are perfectly capable of driving themselves or taking a taxi.

Am I being inconsiderate? Is there a way to politely convey that I do not wish to play chauffeur? -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Yes, there is -- and because these are his relatives, your husband should be the one to tell them that you have been generous enough and it's time for them to arrange other transportation.

DEAR ABBY: My father died eight years ago. Mother couldn't afford to bury him at the time, so he was cremated. Mom asked me to keep his ashes until her time was up so they could be buried together.

I have had them ever since. It makes me feel like he is still with me, that I have not totally lost him. However, over the last year, my brothers and sisters have led my mother to believe that I won't respect her wishes to have them buried together when the time comes. She is pressuring me to bury him now. It hurts me that my family could even think I would take that away from my mother.

To this day, my siblings say mean things about Dad, claiming he was a "terrible" father and husband. I'm a lot younger than the rest of them, so it's possible I never saw the bad side of him. The father I knew was a caring, loving man, and it drives me crazy to hear my siblings speak ill of him. They don't remember his birthday, the date of his death or even how long ago it was.

Abby, I don't know what to do. If I go ahead and bury my dad's ashes now, I feel I will be losing him completely. Please help me. I feel so lost. -- SAD AND MISUNDERSTOOD DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Perhaps there is a way to satisfy everybody. Before returning your father's ashes to your mother and siblings for burial, take a small portion to keep for yourself. Your feelings are not all that unusual -- and contrary to popular belief, not all ashes are scattered or buried. Sometimes they are retained for decades by family members who are not yet ready to part with them.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I began a part-time job for extra cash. My manager and I developed an attraction for each other that soon led to a sexual relationship. The problem is that he's married with two children, and he is significantly older than me.

I know now that this has to end. I have no emotional ties to him, but I think he is starting to care for me. I can't quit the job because a family member got it for me, and it would seem suspicious if I quit.

Please respond soon because I am trying desperately to avoid being alone with him, and it's becoming more and more difficult. How do I end the affair and remain on decent terms with this man? -- NEEDS A QUICK OUT

DEAR NEEDS: It's difficult to remain on decent terms after there has been indecent exposure, but tell your manager your conscience demands that the hanky-panky stop. Then, if he tries to get you alone, tell him, "Nothing doing -- I've turned over a new leaf."

I'm sure he'll find a way to handle the rejection. If it breaks his heart, he can seek comfort from his wife, from whom he shouldn't have strayed in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I'm going into junior high. I'm a straight-A student and get my homework and projects done. But I'm not that organized. I always put my assignments away, but when I need them, they're never there!

My mom complains to me about it and calls me a troll. My room isn't so hot, either. What can I do? -- THE TROLL IN ST. PETE

DEAR TROLL: The time to get organized is now. Begin by cleaning your room and making sure you have a study area that is not messy. After that, you should always put your projects and completed assignments in one spot, and they won't be lost. You'll be able to find them easily once you have only one place to look.