DEAR ABBY: I'm really bad when it comes to speaking. It's hard for me to squeak out the few words I can. I am shy and not very sociable, so when I'm with people, even my two friends, I feel like I come across as rude. I never have the right things to say. When I'm with my family, I don't usually have this problem.

In public, it seems like everyone else is so much more interesting than I am. Making conversation is a lot of trouble. I know this sounds silly, but do you know if there is anything that can be done about it? I heard you had a booklet about being more social. Is it still published? If so, how can I get one? -- VICTORIA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR VICTORIA: Making conversation may seem like "a lot of trouble" to you because making conversation is a skill that you haven't yet mastered. A surefire way to contribute in social situations is to become informed about what is going on in the world by reading books, magazines, the Dear Abby column (of course) and going on the Internet. The more informed you are about the world, the better you will be.

You don't have to be an "authority" on everything. A good conversationalist is interested in what other people have to say instead of feeling pressured to fill the air with the sound of his or her own voice. My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with suggestions about how to polish one's social skills. It isn't meant to be read just once and then put aside. Read it often because it covers a variety of social situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. There are tips not only for what to say, but also what not to say, which is one of the keys for becoming the kind of person other people find interesting, attractive and want to know better. If parents, teachers and clergy know people who need help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of their lives.

Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. One of the best cures for shyness is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person by asking about what he or she is interested in. Try it, and you'll find it works.

DEAR ABBY: I have this little boy I tutor. He is 7 and says he loves me. I'm 18. I try to tell him I'm way too old and he isn't my type, but all he says is, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Help! I need to know what to do. -- ALEX IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ALEX: Start by telling him that the word "ain't" isn't appropriate -- that what he should be saying is, "Age isn't anything but a number." Then tell him that while you are complimented, he is there to study -- so you'll revisit the subject when he is 18.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old lady who has been a dedicated mother, helpful grandma and a good wife. I don't mean to imply that I'm perfect, but my heart has always been in the right place.

I'm writing now because I have a problem. I have been so used to being a mother that now I don't know how to break the habit. My children think I do too much for them, and it hurts me when they call me "annoying" and "impossible to deal with."

I wish I could act differently, but I don't know how. I've been told I need to do something with my life other than help my kids when they don't seem to need it -- and even when they do. I know I deserve to be happy, but I don't know how to start. Can you tell me what to do, Abby? -- MELANCHOLY MAMA, WENATCHEE, WASH.

DEAR MELANCHOLY: You are a successful wife and mother, having raised independent children. Now it's your turn.

Think back to before you were married and had children -- what were your interests? Was there a class or subject you wanted to take at a community college? Did you want to act in a play, paint a picture, photograph a landscape, read Shakespeare, join a hiking club, travel the U.S., learn to dance? Learn to speak French, plant a garden, raise rabbits, write a novel or the story of your life, study architecture, learn more about the stock market, raise funds for your favorite charity, or (you fill in the blank)?

If you still can't get the urge to "mother" out of your system, consider becoming a foster parent -- or volunteer at a school, children's hospital or as a literacy tutor at your local library. The possibilities are endless and the need is great.

Please let me know what you decide to do from the hundreds of options available. You have a lot to offer.

DEAR ABBY: "Jamie" and I have been close friends for almost 50 years. She has always been there for me when I needed her and vice versa. However, I can't get past her continual bragging about herself every time we meet for lunch or talk on the phone.

Jamie always manages to bring up how some person told her how young she looks, or another told her she's a wonderful manager at work, etc. Yesterday at lunch I mentioned how much I love doing crossword puzzles. I said I love learning new words and if I don't know the meaning, I look it up in my dictionary. Jamie replied she doesn't need a dictionary because she knows the meaning of all words!

Jamie is a good friend, but lately I've been wondering why she feels the need to spin tales. She is always out to impress everyone with how smart, young, savvy and sophisticated she is. She even told me some of her co-workers compare her to Jackie Kennedy, which is nowhere near the truth. Why do you think she has to act like this? -- PERPLEXED IN PHILLY

DEAR PERPLEXED: Jamie's behavior is a sign of extreme insecurity. People who are comfortable with themselves do not feel the need to constantly self-promote as she does. When your friend announced that she doesn't need a dictionary because she knows the meaning of all words, you were kind not to contradict her, because it's obvious she doesn't appear to be familiar with the definition of "humility."

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with four teenagers. My husband died four years ago, and I have been seeing "Ken" -- a wonderful man -- for 18 months. He is four years older than I am, has never been married and has no kids. He had very little contact with mine until I was sure the relationship was serious.

Ken has proposed and we have set a date for a year from now, but my children are extremely unhappy. They say they don't know him and aren't comfortable around him. Ken is quiet and shy, the opposite of me. We have big decisions to make regarding homes and employment over the next few months.

I realize that life is precious. I'm happy with my decision to marry, but the kids are trying to make me feel guilty and make no attempt to get to know Ken. When he comes over, they barely say hello. They say they hate me, and once they leave for college they'll never return. I know they miss their dad, but how can I get them to see it's OK for me to move on? How can I foster a relationship between them and their future stepdad, help them to move on and accept my happiness?

The kids and I have gone to counseling and were discharged after progress was made, but things have slipped back since I started dating. They refuse to return to counseling. Please help. -- NEW HAMPSHIRE WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: You are the mother of four immature teenagers who are afraid of change and view your fiance as a threat. In a few years all of them will be away at college and, I hope, will have matured enough that they no longer feel the need to "punish" you for not remaining a grieving widow for eternity.

It would be helpful if Ken had a more outgoing personality and could relate to your children. If he's willing, some counseling for the two of you might help so he can learn and you can get some tips. The bottom line, however, is that you are the parent in that household. Your children do not have to "love" Ken, but they do have to treat him with respect and consideration. If love grows from that -- terrific. If not, so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I have taught English at the junior and senior high school level for 19 years. As I grow older, I find it more and more difficult to be a good disciplinarian, and I'm afraid that I am shortchanging my students. I no longer have the motivation to be a good teacher.

I would go back to school to do something else, even though I am 45, but my husband has recently been placed on disability. Any suggestions for how the "old gray teacher" can evolve into something else? I have tried employment agencies in the area where I live, but they have not been much help. -- THE WORST TEACHER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR TEACHER: You may be suffering from burnout or from a mild depression. If you haven't already done so, discuss your feelings with the head of the English Department or your principal. With your husband not working, your stress level must be high, and it could have a lot to do with the way you feel. Some sessions with a counselor might help you find yourself again. And while you're at it, inquire about career counseling at either a local college or your alma mater.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a dispute in my family? I am a stay-at-home wife and mother of two boys. I do everyone's dirty laundry. When someone leaves something in the pockets of clothes (like wallets, papers, etc.), who do you think should be responsible for removing said articles -- the person placing the clothes in the hamper or the person doing the wash? -- LAUNDRESS IN SPRINGTOWN, TEXAS

DEAR LAUNDRESS: Both!