DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Aaron," had an affair with the woman next door. We were close friends. I found out three months ago, and needless to say I'm not happy about it. My husband and I spent a lot of time with her (he obviously more than I).

Aaron swears the affair is over, and he wants us to become a close threesome again. (She's in the process of divorcing her husband, who knows nothing about the affair.)

The three of us have gone to the beach, to the lake, dancing -- just like old times. My husband is thrilled; I am miserable.

I am not convinced the affair is over, so I feel compelled to keep my eye on them. Every time we go out together, I come home upset and frustrated. Aaron says I'm being unreasonable and keeping him on a "short leash." He sees no reason why we can't all be friends -- but I have no desire to be friends with her.

Aaron and I have been together more than 20 years. I don't want to divorce him. I need to know what to do without driving him back into her arms. I have suggested counseling. He says he doesn't need it. What do you think I should do about this awkward situation? -- NOT LOVING MY NEIGHBOR

DEAR NOT LOVING: Three is a crowd, and your husband's insistence that you continue this painful and degrading threesome is highly suspicious. Please waste no time in getting counseling. If your husband refuses, go without him. It will make you stronger and help you to feel better about yourself at a time when you need it most.

You may not "want" a divorce, but be smart and discuss your options and a fair division of property with a lawyer now, so should a divorce be thrust upon you, you will be prepared in advance. You should also talk to a CPA, who can help you locate all the assets in your marriage. This will also give you peace of mind when you tell your husband that the threesome is history. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend "Mona," a busy professional and social butterfly, had a baby last year. Her son is now a toddler. Aside from his regular day care, Mona is lining up baby sitters so she can resume her social life.

She has asked me to volunteer. I do not relate well to young children. I have had no experience with them and, quite frankly, want none.

Mona has always known this, but when I told her I didn't think it would work out for me to baby-sit, she took offense and accused me of being a bad friend.

Now I feel guilty because Mona has always been good to me. However, I'm more than a little resentful that she put me in this position, knowing how I feel about kids. How should I handle this? -- NOT KEEN ON KIDS

DEAR NOT KEEN ON KIDS: True friends don't impose on their friends for baby-sitting services when they've been told it would be awkward. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings. Many people feel the same way.

DEAR ABBY: This morning as I was wheeling my grocery cart to the "return" area in our local grocery store parking lot, a boy of about 9 had the nerve to tell me, "Don't smoke."

While I agree with parents who teach their children that smoking is harmful, I also feel they should teach their children to respect their elders (I'm 52) and to mind their own business.

Am I wrong to feel this child was out of line? -- LIGHTING UP IN MIMS, FLA.

DEAR LIGHTING UP: The child was not being disrespectful -- he was being honest. From the mouths of babes ...

DEAR READERS: If you like the way things are going, vote. If you don't like the way things are going, vote. If you have never voted before, vote. (Don't be embarrassed by your ignorance -- when you get there, they'll show you how.)

If you're not registered to vote and don't know where to register, contact the League of Women Voters, your county registrar's office or your secretary of state's office for details. All are listed in your phone directory or online. The deadlines for registering vary from state to state.

Don't let anything -- or anybody -- keep you from voting on Tuesday, Nov. 6. It may be the most important thing you will do all year.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a divorced woman for four years. She said in the beginning that she had very little sexual experience because her former husband "had problems," but decided after the divorce to find out what she was missing. She hasn't discussed this in detail, but once in a while she lets out little snippets of information that lead me to believe she was active.

Do I have a right, now that we're engaged, to know how many partners she had since the divorce? She's being evasive about it. -- WONDERING WIDOWER

DEAR WONDERING: No, you do not have that "right," because if she answers the question, your next questions will be what are their names, how many times did she sleep with them and were they better than you are in bed. Sometimes it is wiser to leave the past in the past and simply appreciate the special relationship you have with the person you love.

DEAR ABBY: "Webbed in Columbia, Md." wondered what kind of spider went up the waterspout (July 8). Well, it depends on the location of that spout. Waterspouts in England, Australia (and I'm guessing Canada) attract spiders that are "incy wincy." American waterspouts are climbed by "itsy bitsy" spiders. (And at this time of year we see really big ones.)

Between English-speaking countries there are also slightly different lyrics for "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Ring Around the Rosie." Because my hubby and I are from opposite sides of the Atlantic "pond," our son is learning multiple versions of many things. -- SUNKISSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR SUNKISSED: Readers young and old responded to that letter, and you are correct that it depends upon which side of the pond you hail from. In the United States, it's also "teensy weensy" and "itty bitty." In Switzerland, it's "inky dinky." And then there was the following submission:

DEAR ABBY: The confusion may stem from "Webbed's" family members having confused the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" poem (song) with the "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" song. The spider song I learned in school and the bikini song I heard when my dad belted it out. It made us all laugh. Thanks for the memories. -- KAREN IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: I need to let off some steam, because the more I think about an incident that happened last summer, the madder I get.

My sister and I take turns (a few days at a time) caring for our 91-year-old mother, who has Alzheimer's and can't be left alone.

My family lives 60 miles from my mother, so before returning to my home for the Fourth of July, I took flowers to the family cemetery, which is close to Mom's house. It's something I do every year, and the tradition holds great meaning for me.

It was late afternoon on Saturday when I took wreaths I had made for each of my grandparents, an uncle, my precious son (who was 5 years old when he died), and my dear late sister who was recently laid to rest.

Each wreath was unique -- I had carefully chosen favorite flowers and colors. Even though the wreaths were artificial, they were pretty, and I felt proud to display them on the graves of my loved ones.

The following evening, my sister called me after she had delivered her flowers to the cemetery. I was shocked to hear the news that my offerings were no longer on the graves -- someone had taken them! (I am positive that the wind hadn't blown them away because I was careful to secure them in the ground.)

I have heard stories about people stealing floral displays from graves to put on other graves -- even selling them at yard sales. However, I have come up with a solution: The next time I take a wreath to the cemetery, I'll put on my rubber gloves and add poison ivy to the greenery. -- ITCHING TO GET EVEN IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ITCHING: I don't blame you for being angry, and your solution is both clever and diabolical. However, as much as you would like to get even with the wreath thief, please don't do anything rash. An innocent person -- like a groundskeeper -- might pick up the wreath and suffer the consequences.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a beautiful, fairy-tale wedding. When it came time for the bride and groom to cut the cake, the groom fed his bride a bite and then smashed the rest all over her face. It went all over her dress and destroyed her makeup. I'm sure she was angry and humiliated.

I have been to lots of weddings over the years and have seen this happen over and over. I'm not old, Abby, I'm only 35 -- so no one can say I'm a crotchety old woman.

My point is, this man had just promised to love, cherish, honor and endow his bride with all his worldly goods. Then he negated his vow with a blatant disregard for her self-respect in front of family and friends. I'm all for food and fun, in its place. However, I don't feel a day that has been planned and prepared for months -- and sometimes years, wads of money spent for a dress, veil, makeup, etc. -- deserves to be defiled.

I have also seen grooms treated this way by brides. It is just wrong! -- OFFENDED IN GRAND PRAIRIE, TEXAS

DEAR OFFENDED: I agree. Not only is it wrong, but it is also an indication of the perpetrator's level of immaturity.