DEAR ABBY: I had been single a long time when I married a wonderful man, "Edgar," who had custody of his two children. After we had dated awhile, he told me about his vasectomy. He said he and his wife had agreed not to have any more children. As our relationship progressed, Edgar told me he would have the vasectomy reversed if I wanted to have children -- which I said I definitely did. After two years of marriage, I finally brought up the subject.

Edgar then informed me he didn't want to reverse the operation. He said he couldn't handle having another child. Abby, I am crushed. I thought Edgar loved me enough to give me children out of our union and love. I love his children and wouldn't favor our children over his.

I would never consider leaving Edgar over this, but I don't know if I can ever forgive him for deceiving me and leading me on. My husband has denied me the children he knew I so desperately wanted.

Abby, I urge couples who may find themselves in a similar situation to be honest with each other before they marry. -- CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN

DEAR CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN: Many churches -- and some states -- now encourage couples who are considering marriage to go through prenuptial counseling to ensure compatibility. I'm all for it. If both parties are honest with each other, it could prevent a world of heartache down the line.

You have my condolences for the children you and Edgar will never have together. While you would never leave him, his dishonesty is grounds for an annulment of the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have a problem with my friend "Will." He transferred to my school last year, and I seem to be his only friend. It has become a problem because I have other friends I like to hang out with.

Will is not a good "people" person. He's hard to have around when I have parties, and he constantly interrupts me when I'm trying to talk to other kids. He just doesn't know the right things to say. Also, he comes from a very wealthy family, and sometimes makes sick jokes about middle-class people. This has offended me and some of my friends.

Will is obsessed with politics and likes to strike up debates with me over petty issues. It's really annoying. His obsession with politics makes people think he's a geek. He really can be sometimes, but he's also a nice guy.

My main problem is that at lunch he follows me around when I go to talk to my other friends. When I move to another part of the table, he moves, too -- right across from me -- so I can't talk without him butting in. He's like a maggot sticking to me!

I wish he could find some other friends and not hang out with me all the time. I like him as a person, but what can I do to make him stop following me? -- BUGGED IN CHATHAM, N.J.

DEAR BUGGED: Level with him privately and tell him exactly what you have told me. You would be doing him a kindness. Explain to him that while you like him, you also need to spend time with your other friends -- and to please make other seating arrangements a couple of days a week. That way, you're not cutting him off completely.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Aaron," had an affair with the woman next door. We were close friends. I found out three months ago, and needless to say I'm not happy about it. My husband and I spent a lot of time with her (he obviously more than I).

Aaron swears the affair is over, and he wants us to become a close threesome again. (She's in the process of divorcing her husband, who knows nothing about the affair.)

The three of us have gone to the beach, to the lake, dancing -- just like old times. My husband is thrilled; I am miserable.

I am not convinced the affair is over, so I feel compelled to keep my eye on them. Every time we go out together, I come home upset and frustrated. Aaron says I'm being unreasonable and keeping him on a "short leash." He sees no reason why we can't all be friends -- but I have no desire to be friends with her.

Aaron and I have been together more than 20 years. I don't want to divorce him. I need to know what to do without driving him back into her arms. I have suggested counseling. He says he doesn't need it. What do you think I should do about this awkward situation? -- NOT LOVING MY NEIGHBOR

DEAR NOT LOVING: Three is a crowd, and your husband's insistence that you continue this painful and degrading threesome is highly suspicious. Please waste no time in getting counseling. If your husband refuses, go without him. It will make you stronger and help you to feel better about yourself at a time when you need it most.

You may not "want" a divorce, but be smart and discuss your options and a fair division of property with a lawyer now, so should a divorce be thrust upon you, you will be prepared in advance. You should also talk to a CPA, who can help you locate all the assets in your marriage. This will also give you peace of mind when you tell your husband that the threesome is history. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend "Mona," a busy professional and social butterfly, had a baby last year. Her son is now a toddler. Aside from his regular day care, Mona is lining up baby sitters so she can resume her social life.

She has asked me to volunteer. I do not relate well to young children. I have had no experience with them and, quite frankly, want none.

Mona has always known this, but when I told her I didn't think it would work out for me to baby-sit, she took offense and accused me of being a bad friend.

Now I feel guilty because Mona has always been good to me. However, I'm more than a little resentful that she put me in this position, knowing how I feel about kids. How should I handle this? -- NOT KEEN ON KIDS

DEAR NOT KEEN ON KIDS: True friends don't impose on their friends for baby-sitting services when they've been told it would be awkward. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings. Many people feel the same way.

DEAR ABBY: This morning as I was wheeling my grocery cart to the "return" area in our local grocery store parking lot, a boy of about 9 had the nerve to tell me, "Don't smoke."

While I agree with parents who teach their children that smoking is harmful, I also feel they should teach their children to respect their elders (I'm 52) and to mind their own business.

Am I wrong to feel this child was out of line? -- LIGHTING UP IN MIMS, FLA.

DEAR LIGHTING UP: The child was not being disrespectful -- he was being honest. From the mouths of babes ...

DEAR READERS: If you like the way things are going, vote. If you don't like the way things are going, vote. If you have never voted before, vote. (Don't be embarrassed by your ignorance -- when you get there, they'll show you how.)

If you're not registered to vote and don't know where to register, contact the League of Women Voters, your county registrar's office or your secretary of state's office for details. All are listed in your phone directory or online. The deadlines for registering vary from state to state.

Don't let anything -- or anybody -- keep you from voting on Tuesday, Nov. 6. It may be the most important thing you will do all year.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a divorced woman for four years. She said in the beginning that she had very little sexual experience because her former husband "had problems," but decided after the divorce to find out what she was missing. She hasn't discussed this in detail, but once in a while she lets out little snippets of information that lead me to believe she was active.

Do I have a right, now that we're engaged, to know how many partners she had since the divorce? She's being evasive about it. -- WONDERING WIDOWER

DEAR WONDERING: No, you do not have that "right," because if she answers the question, your next questions will be what are their names, how many times did she sleep with them and were they better than you are in bed. Sometimes it is wiser to leave the past in the past and simply appreciate the special relationship you have with the person you love.

DEAR ABBY: "Webbed in Columbia, Md." wondered what kind of spider went up the waterspout (July 8). Well, it depends on the location of that spout. Waterspouts in England, Australia (and I'm guessing Canada) attract spiders that are "incy wincy." American waterspouts are climbed by "itsy bitsy" spiders. (And at this time of year we see really big ones.)

Between English-speaking countries there are also slightly different lyrics for "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Ring Around the Rosie." Because my hubby and I are from opposite sides of the Atlantic "pond," our son is learning multiple versions of many things. -- SUNKISSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR SUNKISSED: Readers young and old responded to that letter, and you are correct that it depends upon which side of the pond you hail from. In the United States, it's also "teensy weensy" and "itty bitty." In Switzerland, it's "inky dinky." And then there was the following submission:

DEAR ABBY: The confusion may stem from "Webbed's" family members having confused the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" poem (song) with the "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" song. The spider song I learned in school and the bikini song I heard when my dad belted it out. It made us all laugh. Thanks for the memories. -- KAREN IN RENO, NEV.