DEAR ABBY: Your column has been a fixture in my life. Thank you for the smiles and the tears.

My dilemma: I received yet another invitation to someone's home for a "product party." In the past year, I have been considered a prospective buyer of cookware, candles, makeup, toys and vitamins. While I have at times used all these products, the invitations to sales parties that come from friends and sometimes friends of friends, irritate me.

When I phone to decline, the hostess invariably says, "Oh, you don't have to buy anything." Of course that's not exactly entirely true because it's a sales party, and "guests" are pressured in various ways to buy the product. People often buy things they don't need or want because they fear they'd be disloyal to the hostess if they didn't.

When I was growing up, my father said, "You don't invite friends to your house to sell them things." Maybe Dad was on to something.

Abby, how should unwanted invitations be handled? -- IRKED IN INDIANA

DEAR IRKED: Continue to decline the invitations. Tell the hostess you have "a conflict" and cannot change your plans. (You don't have to give any details.)

P.S. To ease your conscience, your "conflict" can be your plan to watch your favorite "I Love Lucy" rerun on TV.

DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering what I should do when my biological father dies. He and my mother divorced before I was born. I've had little contact with him, but my older sister and brother lived with him growing up and are close to him.

My mother died 20 years ago, and afterward I tried to get to know him, but he didn't want to know me. He never paid child support. Both he and my mother remarried. I was fortunate to have a loving stepfather, and I was very close to him until his death.

When the time comes, I am considering not going to my birth father's funeral. I have not told my sister how I feel because she thinks he is the greatest. I think he is a dirt ball.

What do you advise, under these circumstances? -- CONFUSED IN SIOUX CITY

DEAR CONFUSED: Funerals are for the living. Go to his funeral and give your siblings the emotional support they will need. I understand why you feel the way you do, but in this situation, it would be an act of kindness to keep your true feelings to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, when I read one of your letters about pennies from heaven, I laughed about it to myself. My sister-in-law had died a few months earlier and I said, "OK, Sharyn, if you're there, send me a penny from heaven."

Abby, the next day when I arrived at work, there on my keyboard was a perfectly placed penny. And for weeks afterward I kept finding more pennies. Finally I had to say, "OK, Sharyn, I get it." And the pennies stopped. -- A BELIEVER NOW IN SOMERS, CONN.

DEAR BELIEVER NOW: I'm glad your faith is restored. If you saved them, have them made into charms for a bracelet. Every time you wear it you'll feel close to the sister-in-law who's smiling down on you.

DEAR ABBY: I had been single a long time when I married a wonderful man, "Edgar," who had custody of his two children. After we had dated awhile, he told me about his vasectomy. He said he and his wife had agreed not to have any more children. As our relationship progressed, Edgar told me he would have the vasectomy reversed if I wanted to have children -- which I said I definitely did. After two years of marriage, I finally brought up the subject.

Edgar then informed me he didn't want to reverse the operation. He said he couldn't handle having another child. Abby, I am crushed. I thought Edgar loved me enough to give me children out of our union and love. I love his children and wouldn't favor our children over his.

I would never consider leaving Edgar over this, but I don't know if I can ever forgive him for deceiving me and leading me on. My husband has denied me the children he knew I so desperately wanted.

Abby, I urge couples who may find themselves in a similar situation to be honest with each other before they marry. -- CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN

DEAR CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN: Many churches -- and some states -- now encourage couples who are considering marriage to go through prenuptial counseling to ensure compatibility. I'm all for it. If both parties are honest with each other, it could prevent a world of heartache down the line.

You have my condolences for the children you and Edgar will never have together. While you would never leave him, his dishonesty is grounds for an annulment of the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have a problem with my friend "Will." He transferred to my school last year, and I seem to be his only friend. It has become a problem because I have other friends I like to hang out with.

Will is not a good "people" person. He's hard to have around when I have parties, and he constantly interrupts me when I'm trying to talk to other kids. He just doesn't know the right things to say. Also, he comes from a very wealthy family, and sometimes makes sick jokes about middle-class people. This has offended me and some of my friends.

Will is obsessed with politics and likes to strike up debates with me over petty issues. It's really annoying. His obsession with politics makes people think he's a geek. He really can be sometimes, but he's also a nice guy.

My main problem is that at lunch he follows me around when I go to talk to my other friends. When I move to another part of the table, he moves, too -- right across from me -- so I can't talk without him butting in. He's like a maggot sticking to me!

I wish he could find some other friends and not hang out with me all the time. I like him as a person, but what can I do to make him stop following me? -- BUGGED IN CHATHAM, N.J.

DEAR BUGGED: Level with him privately and tell him exactly what you have told me. You would be doing him a kindness. Explain to him that while you like him, you also need to spend time with your other friends -- and to please make other seating arrangements a couple of days a week. That way, you're not cutting him off completely.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Aaron," had an affair with the woman next door. We were close friends. I found out three months ago, and needless to say I'm not happy about it. My husband and I spent a lot of time with her (he obviously more than I).

Aaron swears the affair is over, and he wants us to become a close threesome again. (She's in the process of divorcing her husband, who knows nothing about the affair.)

The three of us have gone to the beach, to the lake, dancing -- just like old times. My husband is thrilled; I am miserable.

I am not convinced the affair is over, so I feel compelled to keep my eye on them. Every time we go out together, I come home upset and frustrated. Aaron says I'm being unreasonable and keeping him on a "short leash." He sees no reason why we can't all be friends -- but I have no desire to be friends with her.

Aaron and I have been together more than 20 years. I don't want to divorce him. I need to know what to do without driving him back into her arms. I have suggested counseling. He says he doesn't need it. What do you think I should do about this awkward situation? -- NOT LOVING MY NEIGHBOR

DEAR NOT LOVING: Three is a crowd, and your husband's insistence that you continue this painful and degrading threesome is highly suspicious. Please waste no time in getting counseling. If your husband refuses, go without him. It will make you stronger and help you to feel better about yourself at a time when you need it most.

You may not "want" a divorce, but be smart and discuss your options and a fair division of property with a lawyer now, so should a divorce be thrust upon you, you will be prepared in advance. You should also talk to a CPA, who can help you locate all the assets in your marriage. This will also give you peace of mind when you tell your husband that the threesome is history. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend "Mona," a busy professional and social butterfly, had a baby last year. Her son is now a toddler. Aside from his regular day care, Mona is lining up baby sitters so she can resume her social life.

She has asked me to volunteer. I do not relate well to young children. I have had no experience with them and, quite frankly, want none.

Mona has always known this, but when I told her I didn't think it would work out for me to baby-sit, she took offense and accused me of being a bad friend.

Now I feel guilty because Mona has always been good to me. However, I'm more than a little resentful that she put me in this position, knowing how I feel about kids. How should I handle this? -- NOT KEEN ON KIDS

DEAR NOT KEEN ON KIDS: True friends don't impose on their friends for baby-sitting services when they've been told it would be awkward. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings. Many people feel the same way.

DEAR ABBY: This morning as I was wheeling my grocery cart to the "return" area in our local grocery store parking lot, a boy of about 9 had the nerve to tell me, "Don't smoke."

While I agree with parents who teach their children that smoking is harmful, I also feel they should teach their children to respect their elders (I'm 52) and to mind their own business.

Am I wrong to feel this child was out of line? -- LIGHTING UP IN MIMS, FLA.

DEAR LIGHTING UP: The child was not being disrespectful -- he was being honest. From the mouths of babes ...