DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for eight months. She has an occasional habit that makes me wonder whether we got married too young. (She's 23, I'm 27 and we're both in graduate school.)

She likes to go out with a group of her friends from high school or with her sister and her sister's friends, get drunk and stay the night. It doesn't happen all the time -- several times a year -- and I'm not worried about her cheating on me. I try not to be the controlling husband and say she "can't" go out. But it bothers me that she wants to spend the night with her single friends and get drunk. If I try to talk to her about it, she gets angry and says she doesn't get to see her friends very often.

I don't understand why her socializing always has to involve drinking and staying out all night. Her sister is my age and has a career in education, but still likes hosting these parties. I wonder how long it will take my wife to outgrow this phase. Am I being controlling? What should I do? -- GETTING FRUSTRATED IN PONTIAC, MICH.

DEAR GETTING FRUSTRATED: Your wife appears to be trying to hold onto her carefree single days, and it's a shame she can't do that without getting herself soused and staying out all night. On the other hand, if she's in no condition to get behind the wheel, then it's better that she not drive until she sobers up.

I don't think saying what's on your mind is "controlling." I suspect your wife becomes angry because she is defensive.

Her behavior is immature, and how long it will take her to outgrow this "phase" is anybody's guess. I recommend that you both widen your circle of friends so you spend more time with other married couples who are more mature than your wife's sister and high school friends appear to be.

DEAR ABBY: I have reached a crossroad in my life. Just when I thought I had everything, from the house with the white picket fence to the family dog and children, I have learned something about my husband. He had never opened up about himself other than to say he was raised by his father and stepmom who abused him as a child.

As I was cleaning out a closet and getting rid of some things, I came across his old briefcase, which I opened to see if anything of importance was inside before tossing it. To my shock, there were photos and a DVD of what seemed like pornography of himself and other women.

I can respect past relationships, but having done something like this and kept the evidence is very troubling to me. I find myself needing closure, but when I try to talk to him, he brushes me off. I feel betrayed, unsure who I married and lost about what else to do. What do you advise? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: How old does your husband appear to be in those photos? If they are recent, then it is important that you get to the bottom of this -- and counseling may help you find the answers you're looking for.

However, if they are not recent, let the past stay buried. Some women keep old love letters long after the romance is over. And some men keep old pictures like the ones you found.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a professional office where nearly all my co-workers are married and live rather uneventful lifestyles. I was divorced a few years ago and have not remarried.

I have dated a lot of women, and it has become an issue with my co-workers. They insist on hearing about the dates I go on and ask for the details of what took place, and I usually oblige them.

Lately, there has been more and more gossip about my so-called "wild lifestyle," and I have become the talk of the office. Some co-workers have called me names like "skank" because I refuse to settle down with one girl. I'm looking for the right one, and it may take many wrong ones to get there.

I think my co-workers are jealous. I'm living my life to the fullest and having fun and because they can't do what I do, they resort to gossip and name-calling. It really frustrates me. How can I make this stop without causing unnecessary tensions in my workplace? -- MAN IN MOTION IN INDIANA

DEAR MAN IN MOTION: You are not a "skank." You are a bachelor. I hope you realize that you started this by regaling your co-workers with the intimate details of your "adventures." None of it was appropriate workplace conversation. If you want this to stop, you'll have to draw an iron curtain between your work life and your social life. Start today.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged and have been for a while. From the beginning I knew my fiance and I would have to pay for our own wedding. During a recent discussion with my father (who is divorced from my mother), he offered to chip in a reasonable amount and asked me to see if my mother would match it. My mother thought it was a great idea and agreed. A week or so later she wrote me a check for the amount and I deposited it into my savings account.

At the time, I had a high-paying job and a "roundabout" wedding date set. I have since left my job and the wedding has been postponed indefinitely. My mother has now requested that I return the money because she's behind on bills.

Frankly, I think it is inappropriate for her to ask me to return "her" money when it was a gift that I did not request at the time. Am I wrong, or should she leave the money be? -- ENGAGED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ENGAGED: When your mother gave you the money toward your wedding, both of your financial situations were different than they are today. This isn't a question of etiquette. Because you won't be needing it in the near future, return the money to your mother so she can pay her bills. It's not as if she'll be using it for a Caribbean cruise. She needs the money!

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have a wonderful little boy, "Matthew," who is 3. They say they don't plan on having any more children. I am upset that they won't be giving my grandson a sibling. They claim the reason is to be earth-friendly, but I think it is selfish. I know my urging won't change the situation, but it weighs heavily on my mind and makes me sad for Matthew.

My daughter has a brother she is close to. Her husband has two siblings. I think the main reason they don't want any more children is my son-in-law is 17 years older than my daughter. Is there any good way for me to tell her how upset this makes me? -- DISAPPOINTED IN OREGON

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: No, there isn't. There may be reasons that go beyond your son-in-law's age for their decision to limit the size of their family to one child. And they are none of your business.

DEAR ABBY: Several salespersons recently have ended our transaction by saying, "Have a blessed day." The last two times it happened, I stopped and asked, "What do you mean by that?" Both of them stammered and didn't know what to say.

One said, "I'm sort of religious." I replied that I'm atheist. I don't think these folks realize what they're saying. The next time it happens, I plan to respond by asking Zeus to bestow blessings upon them as well.

Why do people feel they have a right to force their religious beliefs on customers? -- ANNOYED ATHEIST IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED ATHEIST: I seriously doubt they are trying to proselytize. The expression may be regional. Or the person may feel that "blessed" is synonymous with "good," "happy" or "safe." If you wish to invoke the blessings of Zeus upon them, feel free to do so. But don't be surprised if you have a heck of a time getting waited on the next time you visit the establishment.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Ward" for two years. I love him and everything is great except for one thing. He refuses to compromise when it comes to his family functions.

He's very close to his extended family, and every time there's an event like a recent graduation party for a cousin, he never wants to leave. We were there for 10 hours, and I spent more than half of it either alone or talking to someone I didn't know well because Ward had ditched me.

I have spoken to him about this, but he's unwilling to compromise. He says his family knows him as "the social guy" and expects him to stay late and be the life of the party. It's getting old that he makes me feel like the bad guy or a party-pooper when I want to leave.

We have had big fights over this. I'm not sure what to do. This has caused a rift in our relationship. -- FAMILY-FUNCTIONED OUT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR FAMILY-FUNCTIONED OUT: When the next family function rolls around, go in separate cars. That way you can leave when you get tired, and Ward can stay as long as he wants. No harm, no foul, no fights.

DEAR ABBY: I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 24. Five years later we divorced. My current husband, "Gil," had a similar short first marriage.

Although Gil and I have chosen not to divulge any information to our two children about our previous marriages, my sister thinks we should tell them everything because they may find out later in life and be disappointed they didn't hear it from us. She has said on many occasions that we are being dishonest. That is certainly not our intention. We truly believe there's no reason to bring up a past that has no benefit in their lives.

Your advice is badly needed because I see my relationship with my sister spiraling in a downward direction. I love her, but I don't agree with her opinion. -- LIVES IN THE PRESENT

DEAR LIVES IN THE PRESENT: I see no reason to make a "grand announcement" to your children, but with the rate at which marriages fail in this country, I also see no reason to keep this a deep, dark secret. If the subject of what makes a successful marriage comes up when your children are old enough, and you think it could be helpful to them, you might be able to impart some important life lessons if you mention the past. Having been married once previously isn't a shameful secret, and it should not be treated like one.