DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. I have dated since I was 12 but never told my parents and sort of went out of my way to hide it from them. I had sex when I was 13, but was always careful about using birth control. I'm on the pill and always use condoms.

I got pregnant anyway, five months ago. I always had irregular periods so I didn't realize it until two months ago. The doctor told me I was having a girl. I was scared out of my mind, but I was planning to tell the father and my parents. Then early last month I got a terrible pain. I went to the clinic and had a miscarriage.

It will be a long time before I'm completely ready to deal with this, but I don't know how to move on. I only told a couple of people, and none of them can ever know how I'm feeling. I can't tell my parents, and I have no idea how to tell the father. Please help me. -- LOST AND ALONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOST AND ALONE: Please accept my sympathy. A miscarriage can cause a mix of emotions, among which are disappointment, despair, shock, guilt, grief -- and relief. All are normal. I urge you to talk to a trusted adult who can listen and support you, because going through all of this alone is doubly hard.

Remember that grief is a natural response to a miscarriage. Don't make light of it or deny the feelings. The length of time it takes to process them is different for everyone, but you should feel better as time passes. If that doesn't happen, talk with your health care provider because there may be additional ways to support you and help you feel better.

If you decide to tell the father, understand that he may need to grieve, too. He may not be able to express his emotions the same way you do. But communicating your feelings and supporting each other may help both of you to cope.

Because the birth control you were using didn't prevent your pregnancy, you should ask a health care provider for advice about avoiding another unplanned pregnancy in the future. A staff member at your local Planned Parenthood health center or other clinic, or your own physician, can discuss all of your options and help you get the birth control you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two adult daughters. Their father and I were divorced when they were 6 and 10. He was an attentive father, and I encouraged and nurtured their relationship with him and always told them how much he loved them.

Five years after our divorce, he remarried. His new wife didn't care for the girls and made no secret of it. Our youngest daughter gave birth to our only grandchild. When the child was 4, my daughters were told by their father that they were no longer welcome in his home. They then revealed to me that during the 30 years since the divorce, their dad had never had a good thing to say about me and told them many lies. He died nine months ago, without patching up the problems between them.

Now my daughters want to be close to his wife! Please help me understand. I have strong emotions about this, especially concerning the grandchild. -- MISERABLE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLE: It may not be rational, but it's possible that your daughters want a relationship with their father's wife because they perceive it as the one last link to their father, however weak a link that may be.

DEAR ABBY: Since Halloween is nearly here, I have a question about trick-or-treating. Last year on Halloween I was sitting down for an early dinner that was planned for 5 p.m. so we wouldn't be disturbed by trick-or-treaters.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. When I answered, I was bombarded with requests for candy from three boys who live down the street. It was still light outside.

I told them to come back later, when I wasn't eating dinner. I wanted to teach them that they shouldn't overextend the holiday and disrupt other people's lives. An hour later I received a call from the boys' mother scolding me for sending them away.

I was just trying to get a bit of peace and quiet before the festivities. Was I wrong not to give them candy and ask them to come back later? -- TREAT CHEATER IN CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR TREAT CHEATER: I think so. The boys' mother may not have wanted them out after dark, which is why she started them on their rounds early. Halloween is the day for trick-or-treating, and part of the "treat" is seeing the children's excitement and their costumes. To have expected peace and quiet with kids in the neighborhood was unrealistic. Think back to your own childhood and, when the doorbell rings, answer it and be welcoming.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl and still wet the bed. I have tried to stop, but it doesn't do any good. Some of my family members know about my situation, but none of my friends do. I'm not sure how to stop because I have tried not drinking anything two hours before I go to bed, but wake up every three hours to use the bathroom. -- EMBARRASSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR EMBARRASSED: If your pediatrician doesn't know about your problem, he or she should be told so you can be examined to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with you. There are medications that can help you overcome your problem. There are also devices called bedwetting alarms that can solve the problem. To find out more about them, search for "bedwetting alarm" on Google.

DEAR ABBY: We have two family weddings coming up soon. One of our cousins has Down syndrome, among other medical problems. He's a grown man, but he has the mental capacity and manners of a 7-year-old. His parents don't discipline him and he is out of control. He screams and talks loudly and will jump around on the dance floor and run into couples while they are trying to dance. His parents bring him to special occasions, even when it's "adults only."

The upcoming weddings will have receptions afterward and adult-only dances. Don't his parents have any common sense? This family has the attitude that if he isn't invited, then they won't go. I have reached the point that it is fine with me. How do we make it clear that he is not welcome? It would be a shame to pay thousands of dollars for a wedding and have it ruined by his behavior. Most people probably won't understand my point of view. What do you think? -- NERVOUS IN UTAH

DEAR NERVOUS: Regardless of your cousin's age, because of his parents' inability to control his behavior he should not be invited to the weddings. Because they have the attitude that if he is not invited they won't go, that's their choice. Make your wishes clear, and your problem will be solved.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I married, I thought I had hit the jackpot in mothers-in-law. We were becoming friends, going shopping together, etc. Boy, was I wrong. Now, five years later, I can't stand her. Just 15 minutes with her sends me over the edge. She's rude, judgmental, and gossips like a teenager about everyone.

She put together a cookbook for me filled with my husband's favorite recipes. Guess what? After trying half a dozen of them and failing at every one, I realized she had changed and added or omitted certain ingredients in every single one. When I asked about it, she told me she just wanted her son to prefer her cooking over mine.

Then there was the time she was baby-sitting and took our son to see Santa Claus for the very first time without asking or telling us. That's an event parents want to be part of. I found out about it months later when I looked through her scrapbook.

I'm not sure of her motives, but she has something against me. My husband is on my side 100 percent when it comes to his mother. He can't stand to be around her either. What is the appropriate way to handle her? She makes us want to move away. -- READY TO PACK IN OHIO

DEAR READY TO PACK: It isn't necessary to move away to distance yourselves from people like your mother-in-law. Limit the time you spend with her. When you must see her, be careful not to say anything negative about anyone or give her sensitive information you don't want shared. If you want to prepare a special food for your husband, go online and find recipes that haven't been "doctored." You'll find plenty of them. Then let him rave about your cooking.

As for the incident with Santa, remember that your son was so young he probably has no memory of it. Many little children are frightened by big strangers in red suits, which is why smart parents don't force the exposure. And now that you know what poor judgment your mother-in-law has, make other arrangements for a sitter when you need one.

But don't cut her off. However she managed it, she created the wonderful husband with whom you are blessed.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter. But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40s) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves.

I'm looking for a very attractive woman to accompany me through life. Most single men I know also put a premium on a woman's appearance. Why don't women understand this? Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner for someone in my situation? -- MR. PARTICULAR IN TUCSON

DEAR MR. PARTICULAR: Start at the nearest gym. If that doesn't net you what you're trolling for, another place to look would be the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Hef throws large parties there, many of which are charity fundraisers. Who knows? For a generous donation you might meet a woman who meets your high standards -- providing you have enough assets of your own to merit her interest.