DEAR ABBY: My brother lost his wife, the love of his life, three years ago. He has three children. His oldest, a 25-year-old daughter, "Jenny," told him that "when you marry, it is for life." She has threatened that if he dates someone or sees anyone, she will be out of his life and he won't be able to see his future grandchildren. (Jenny is getting married next summer.)

My brother is very upset. He wants to settle this argument before she is married. He hasn't dated anyone, but feels she shouldn't be trying to control his life. Please help, Abby. I'll show Jenny your answer and hope it helps them. -- SISTER KATY IN MAINE

DEAR SISTER KATY: I'm very sorry Jenny lost her mother, but her attitude is off base. At 25, it's time for her to grow up and stop making selfish, childish threats she will regret.

While I agree that marriage should be "for life," her parents' marriage did last for life -- the life of her mother. That she would begrudge her father continuing to live his life is cruel and wrong. If she cuts him out of her life, she will deprive her future children of a relationship with a loving grandparent, and that would be a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I have a manners dilemma. I was raised in a home where "Yes, ma'am" and, "No, sir" were expected, and I have used that respectful form of address throughout my life. Yes, I grew up in the South.

Six months ago, my husband and I moved north with our two children for job relocation. My co-workers are giving me a hard time about my constant use of "ma'am" and "sir." They feel offended!

I have tried to respect their request not to say it to them. Some are my age, younger or older, but I'm used to saying it to everyone, all the time. It simply rolls off my tongue.

I sense that upper management and my supervisor like being addressed that way. But what do you suggest I do with the rest of my co-workers? -- OL'-FASHIONED IN OHIO

DEAR OL'-FASHIONED: I suggest you explain to your co-workers, as you have to me, that using this respectful form of address is a custom you were raised with. And because old habits are hard to break, that they please cut you some slack because you are trying to offend no one.

P.S. They appear to be clueless.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. A few nights ago a guy friend of mine asked me to "sext." I was furious, but played along with him and said "yes." Than I sent him a picture of an elderly woman in a bikini.

After that, I went off on him. I told him how wrong it was for him to ask me for that. No girl deserves to be treated that way. I haven't spoken to him since.

He texted a close friend of mine, telling her what happened and saying how much he regretted it and loved me. He said he cares for me, but that now there's no chance because I hate him.

He has sent me texts apologizing for what he did, but I have ignored them. Should I accept his apology? Or save my heart from being broken again? -- DISAPPOINTED TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED TEEN: Your guy friend made a mistake and has apologized. If you still have feelings for him, accept the apology and give him another chance. However, if he continues to ask you to do something that you feel is wrong, that will be the time to end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: As Veterans Day approaches, may I share a few guidelines that can be helpful when interacting with veterans or service members?

1. It is never OK to ask a veteran if he or she has killed someone or to joke about it. If we have, we can't even talk about it with our spouses, much less a stranger.

2. When you thank us for our service or pay for our meal, it is really appreciated. We also appreciate packages and notes.

3. Please don't tell us that wars are a waste of dollars or lives or were fought for oil. What we hear is that, in your opinion, our best friend died for nothing. We know many people disagree with war, but it's better to keep your opinions to yourself.

4. Many of us now have PTSD. If you see us acting anxious or moving away from crowds, turning our backs to the wall or fidgeting, simple kindness or a little distraction will be appreciated. Talk to us about something interesting and give us some breathing room.

5. Please remember that 15 percent of those who serve in the military are women, and some have been in combat. It's better to ask, "Are you a veteran?" rather than, "Was your husband a soldier?"

6. As with any person who has a disability, please do not stare at us. We can be sensitive about our scars or injuries and would prefer not to be asked to relive a difficult experience by being quizzed about what happened. Please also understand that war injuries today are very different than in the past and are often not visible. It is not OK to tell someone they "don't look disabled" or appear to need help.

Those of us with disabilities appreciate light conversation and assistance if we look like we are in need.

It was my pleasure to serve our country. -- AMANDA C., U.S. ARMY DISABLED VETERAN

DEAR AMANDA C.: Thank you for your service. And thank you, too, for your helpful suggestions, which are sure to be appreciated not only by civilians, but also by active and retired members of our military.

Readers, as the war in Afghanistan winds down, many thousands of service members are returning home and entering the job market. Please, if possible, honor their courage, dedication and sacrifice by doing your part and providing them with employment. Considering what they have done for us, it is the least we can do to show our appreciation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm afraid I'm an abusive girlfriend. When I get mad at my boyfriend, I yell at him and call him names. Sometimes I hit him. Even though he really makes me angry, I do love him.

I'm not crazy, but I don't know how to control myself. It's not like I'm threatening to kill him.

I don't want to go to counseling or group classes. I don't really hit him a lot. I yell more. I also have jealousy issues. What can I do? -- PROBLEM GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your concern is justified, because you are an abusive girlfriend. While I applaud your growing self-awareness, it is very important that you understand the reasons you are behaving this way so you can stop. While you may not like the idea of counseling or group anger management classes, it would be much better if you went voluntarily rather than one day having them court-mandated.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Rick," is in prison and has been there for two years. He is the father of my 2-year-old son. I got pregnant three months into our relationship.

Ten days after our son was born, Rick had to turn himself in for something that happened prior to my getting pregnant. He was sentenced to five years. He was supposed to serve only two years of it, but another charge caused that to change, and he won't be home for another year and a half.

I'm starting to get confused about our relationship because we barely have one anymore. We never get to see each other or talk.

Every time I have a night out I meet different people, but I feel too guilty to continue with anything. My girlfriends all tell me I need to move on, that I don't deserve this and that I'm the one "in prison." But I really want the perfect family.

What do you think I should do, Abby? Move on and be happy, or sit here playing the waiting game? -- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST: I'm glad you asked. Although Rick is the father of your little boy, you are not married to him. Therefore you are not morally obligated to put yourself into suspended animation until he is released from prison.

If you really want the "perfect family," you should do as your friends advise and move on, not because Rick made a mistake that got him into prison, but because there was a second offense that extended his sentence. It suggests a pattern.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I was given the news that a close friend had committed suicide. I wish I could say it's the first time I have been in this situation, but I can't. My issue is, I think suicide is more than a little selfish and I am unable to get beyond my anger. How do I support the family and friends of a loved one who has died by suicide when I can't get past the anger? -- OVERCOME IN GLEN BURNIE, MD.

DEAR OVERCOME: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. While it is normal to feel angry about the suicide, you also need to find some compassion. Individuals who decide to end their lives do so for various reasons -- to stop overwhelming emotional pain, because of mental illness, to punish someone, because of an incurable illness, and sometimes out of impulse.

Whatever your friend's reason was, please do not take it out on the grieving family and friends. They are dealing with enough of their own mixed emotions right now. If you feel you can't control your emotions, stay away until you can.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband's name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too? -- GETTING READY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR GETTING READY: It is perfectly acceptable to include all three names on your holiday cards. (Send them out early, because the post office is sure to be especially busy in December.)

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering what families should do with old pictures if someone in their family is transgender. -- ANDY IN OHIO

DEAR ANDY: They should ask their transgendered relative what he or she would like done with the pictures and take their lead from the person's wishes.